


Lily's journey

by dtill359, Moonybird



Series: A different path [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Regulus Black Feels, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Severus Snape Has a Heart, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, War, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:21:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 64,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22289329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dtill359/pseuds/dtill359, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonybird/pseuds/Moonybird
Summary: Direct Sequel to Second Chance a new choice.The war is looming and Voldemorts power is rising.Snape has decided to go out there as a one man army to fight Voldemort on his own in a attempt to protect Lily from harm.Lily is left alone back at Hogwarts. Well not quite alone, she still has friends and they are determined to do their part in this war which affects all of the wizarding world. Now it is her turn to show Severus that she is worth taking seriously. They are in this war together, whether Severus like it or not.
Relationships: Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape
Series: A different path [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1315952
Comments: 117
Kudos: 155





	1. Prologue. The Little Warrior.

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that Evelyn and her mother Andrea are characters who appeared in the first fic, Second chance a new choice. First appearance chapter 10, the man in the moon.

Rags? No. She wore shining armor and under it flowed dark blue wizard’s robes. In them she was tall, magical. A wooden stick? No—a sword, sharpened to an edge that could cut through stone. And the twig in her pocket? Her wand. And she was a Master with it. She could cast fire and levitate anything out of her way or destroy whatever would not yield to her. She was Evelyn Clearwater, Warrior Princess. And she was unstoppable—feared by enemies and admired by friends.

Her comrade, a tall, dark shadow, always watched her back. His warrior skills surpassed all—almost all. But not hers.

Today, the Warrior Princess and her comrade hunted goblins in the forest. She would bring the head of the largest goblin in the world to the king, and the prince would soil his pants in fear at the sight because that head belonged to a goblin as big as a mountain—the Troll King—one of the man in the moon’s many generals. And that man, sitting so proudly on his silvery throne, kept such a tight hold of her, but if she destroyed his minions—one by one—she could defeat him too.

“Hiya!” Evelyn’s sword arched wide. “Take that, Troll King! I’m not afraid of you!” She slashed the air with vigor. “Take that! And That!” Attack, parry, attack, parry. Then she tripped and thumped into the moss-covered ground, dropping her stick—sword.

She scrambled up and faced her enemy again, head high. “Don’t think you can defeat me that easily, Troll King.” She drew her twig-wand. “Exploding Hex!” She leaped to the side, rolled, scooped up her sword. “Not so imposing now, are you, Troll King?” She smirked, blade in hand, knowing she struck an impressive sight—beautiful, armor glinting in the trickles of sunlight shifting through overhead boughs, sword pointed at the whimpering Troll King. “What’s that you say?” Evelyn inched forward as if to listen. “Begging for mercy? Why, yes, I _am_ rather dangerous.” She lowered her sword. “No one can defeat me, and if you want to keep your precious head, you’d better run. Run! Or I’ll use it to scare the prince!”

A loud crash pulled Evelyn out of the fantasy. Running feet approached. Evelyn dropped her stick. “W-who’s there?” Someone was close—too close for this secluded wood beside her and her mother’s old shed. No one came out this way—ever.

“Mum?” Evelyn bit back guilt. She’d sneaked out without asking again. Her mother got so worried—and sometimes cried—when Evelyn did that. She hated seeing her mother that way. But the nearer the full moon came, the more her mother worried and cried. “Mum?” Still no response. _It has to be Mum. Who else would be out here? Why isn’t she answering?_

Now, the wood was too quiet.

Bushes rustled, divided.

Evelyn jerked toward the noise and shrank away from a filthy man surrounded by an air so threatening Evelyn knew he meant her harm. He hunched like his back had caught on something. Greasy hair fell in his face and giant knots lumped both shoulders. Gnarled hands and yellowed nails—which looked like claws—completed his grotesqueness. He stank of sweat, dirt and raw meat. Yellowed teeth bared in a perverted grin. Amber pupils glowed in black eyes like coals in a dark fireplace.

“I’m not your mum.” He regarded her like a fresh ham hock. “But, in a way, one could call me your father.”

Disgust curdled Evelyn’s stomach. “You’re lying! My dad was tall, thin and always clean. Besides, you look nothing like him.”

“But I helped make you the way you are.” He grinned so widely Evelyn though his face might split. “That, at least, must make me a second father of sorts, daughter of mine.”

“Who are you?” Evelyn raised her twig-wand only to drop the useless thing a second later and assume a defensive stance, fists raised and ready.

“Oh, a temper. And not the least bit afraid. I like that. How fortunate. It’s so hard to tell how most children will turn out.”

“Who are you?” Evelyn grew impatient. “What do you have to do with me?”

The man quirked his head like a curious bird. “Almost everything.” His tone turned revoltingly happy. “I’ve come to collect you, to take you home where you belong.”

“But… I _am_ home. And Mum is probably worried. She always is.”

“You aren’t home. This isn’t a home. It’s a prison—to keep you away from the world that will never accept you.” His eyes smoldered in anticipation then ignited. “I’ve come to set you free.”

“What if I don’t want to be set free?” Evelyn stepped away from him, fists still raised. “Mum needs me. I want to stay with her.”

In three strides the man grabbed Evelyn’s shoulders. “Your mother doesn’t need you. She wants to get rid of you! Why do you think you’re all the way out here? Because she doesn’t want anyone to see her taking care of you.”

“You’re lying!” _Merlin! This is getting scary. The Dark Warrior. Think of him. He’ll look out for you and Mum._ “Let me go! I want to see my mum!” She struggled in his grip as both filthy hands smeared dirt and grime on her worn sleeves. _Warrior, where are you? I could really use some help!_

“You might not see it now, but it’s for your own good,” the man sneered.

 _What would the Warrior say if I gave in? He’d be disappointed…_ “No!” Evelyn stomped on the man’s foot so hard he let go.

“Little brat!” he hissed as Evelyn dashed for the shed.

“Mum! Mum, where are you?”

“Evelyn! Run! Don’t come back!” Her mother’s voice. But where was it coming from?

“What? Mum, where are you?” If her mother was scared or crying, it meant she needed Evelyn. Her mother always tried to hide it, but Evelyn knew that only she could banish her mother’s fear and sadness. After a good hug she would tell her mother about the Warrior and how great a fighter Evelyn was too, and her mother would smile again, at least for a while.

Evelyn burst through the shed door and stopped. More filthy, stinky people held her mother tight.

“I told you to run!” her mother snapped. But her anger stemmed from fear—so much fear…

“Leave her alone!” Evelyn rushed them, intending to claw and bite her way through if she had to. “I’m warning you.” She expected them to draw back, afraid. People usually did—even when her mother stepped in front of Evelyn to hide her. Evelyn had always supposed she was just an impressive sight. But these people didn’t flinch. They grinned.

“I said, leave her alone!” Evelyn threw every shred of anger into the demand only to be grabbed from behind and thrown over another dirty shoulder. “Hey! Let me down! Let me down!” She hammered both fists into her captor’s back. “I’m warning you! I’m a warrior!”

“Good. You got her.” The man from the woods stepped inside. “When she learns her priorities, I foresee quite the beast in her.”

The others laughed as Evelyn kept up her one-sided fight. “Let me go!”

“Please, let her go,” her mother begged. “Greyback, haven’t you done enough damage already?” Her mother’s eyes teared, sending a jolt of anguish through Evelyn.

“I’m not trying to damage her,” said Greyback. “I just want to show her the truth.”

“Evelyn, don’t listen to him.” Her mother pulled against the two men holding her back. “Remember all the monsters you were fighting? He’s one of them. But you’re not, no matter what he tells you, you’re not!”

“Shut up, woman!” A man with skin darker than fresh coffee grounds slapped her cheek. “You’re calling us monsters?”

Her mother’s eyes turned sad but stern. “No, not you. Just him.” She nodded to Greyback.

“Shut it!” Greyback snarled. “We got what we came for. Let’s go. We don’t want another Lupin accident. That child already thinks he’s accepted by the world.”

“No! Mum!” Evelyn struggled harder. “Mum, don’t cry! I’ll be fine! Sev will come find me. He always looks out for us. I know he does!”

“Please…” Her mother looked to the man who’d slapped her. “Do what you want with me but take care of my daughter.”

Evelyn’s screams rose. “LET ME GO!”

“For Merlin’s sake, shut her up!” Greyback grimaced. “For someone so small, she makes a lot of noise.”

“I’m not small. I’m big!” Evelyn retorted. “And if you don’t let me go, I’ll make you pay!”

“ _Somnus_ ,” said someone Evelyn couldn’t see.

Dizziness closed over her. She tried to shake it away, but her eyes drooped, weighed heavier than bricks. The world darkened, and the last thing she heard was her mother’s voice.

“Evelyn, always remember I love you! No matter what. I will always love you!”

Then the world went black.


	2. Summer at Godric's Hollow

June 30th came to Godric's Hollow.

The sun shone. Birds sang. The air hung fresh and wonderful over everything, but despite his pleasant surroundings, a shadow draped James Charlus Potter like a fouled blanket.

Ever since March, none of the town's wizarding population had enjoyed much of anything.

Only a year ago James couldn't have imagined his current situation. He stood in his own home, but the circumstances of his company were not what he would have wished.

March changed everything. None of their lives would ever be the same, and… _What we saw—it was only a taste of what's going on out there—what Voldemort can do. And what's to come… Penny came to me for help, but I had to do it half-heartedly—had to not trust her because she was Slytherin. And—_ He didn't even want to think the last part, but he made himself do it. _She… paid for my prejudice._

 _I was worried about Snape, but Severus was the better man all last year… He stopped being childish, chose the side of the Light. He changed. And maybe if I'd been willing to look, I'd have seen he wasn't just acting differently, but he looked different too. He was downright pleasant—up until January, anyway. Then he started getting broody—but even then_ _,_ _he wasn't his old dark self._ _I_ _f anything, he was obsessed over fighting what threatens us all._

James shifted on uneasy feet.

_But I couldn't accept that. I had to be blind—selfish. I've got to do better now, make up for it, no matter what it takes. I owe Severus my life, my friends' lives…_

Lily sat at the other end of the couch in the sitting room, a Wizard's chess board set on a small table in front of her. _She hated me last year. Guess now I understand why. She's got every reason to never speak to me again, let alone stay at my house for summer holiday_. But there she sat, green eyes distant, lost in thoughts she refused to share.

Here at James' house, Lily was quiet, preferring to listen instead of chat about silly things. She was shy—something James never noticed before. Odd, since he'd been so sure he was in love with her. Lily was still beautiful, even more so now that he knew her better. He respected and liked her. She was intelligent, always said what she meant—often without considering that her words might land her in trouble—and most importantly, she cared. Lily was always concerned about everyone's wellbeing.

Across from Lily, taking the other side of the chess board, was Regulus Black—someone James would never in a hundred thousand lifetimes have imagined he would invite to his house. That Reg's brother Sirius—absent from the Potter's house for the moment—now defended him would have shocked everyone—but mostly Sirius. _If somebody told me a year ago those two would stop fighting…_ James would have laughed if it weren't for the gravity of the situation.

Regulus accomplished the most incredible feat of them all. He stood before Voldemort—with most of the Death Eaters as witnesses—and defied the Dark Lord, even dared hex him. This made Regulus Voldemort's personal enemy. Such defiance denoted nothing short of personal insult—an offense punishable by death. The rest of the Blacks consisted of ardent Voldemort supporters, making Regulus—like his brother before him—a blood-traitor. He'd received a Howler from his mother only days before the end of term saying as much.

By the reckoning of Mr. and Mrs. Black, their family line was now broken, dead. Regulus lost everything in less than an hour, and James couldn't laugh at that—wouldn't even think of it.

Lily had nowhere to go either with her parents and sister on the run—far away from here.

Everyone in the mansion that horrible night was a target—or at least somewhere on Voldemort's top twenty most-wanted list. They'd humiliated him, proven themselves a threat. But they were all in this together. And they were in deep, which was why James invited them to his house—the only safe place he could think of. After all, his father _was_ an Auror, and James' parents didn't underestimate the danger he and his schoolmates were in.

Wards and concealing charms hid the house from anyone but the invited, making it dangerous to leave the immediate grounds—something Lily wasn't fond of. Being cooped up seemed to frustrate her. Not that James could blame her.

 _Wonder when Siri and Remus will come back._ Two days ago, after being with the Potters less than a week, Remus left without ceremony to endure his monthly transformation. This month, however, Remus had to transform without the Wolfsbane Potion. Only Sirius accompanied him so James could stay with everyone else at the house. Without the potion, Remus likely spent the past two days recovering.

No Peter either. After that terrible night, he'd returned to Hogwarts in silence. No matter what James, Sirius or Remus did, Peter hid or ran from them. _Guess I understand that too… We left him in a burning mansion. He could've died. Who can blame him for being terrified out of his wits?_

 _At least they got Spinner._ With six students, three muggles and a renowned wizard to testify against him, he had no hope of escape. After a short trial, Spinner was sent to Azkaban… only to escape on the way. Which, now that James thought about it, seemed to happen a lot with Death Eaters sent there. James' father was worried Voldemort had infiltrated the prison guard.

From the couch Lily glanced out the near window. "Remus! Sirius! They're back."

James couldn't see them from where he stood, but he could imagine Remus' half-dead stupor. He looked bad enough with the Wolfsbane Potion. Now, without it…

When the two entered Remus sagged against Sirius like a doll left too long in the rain. He looked like he could have used a week's rest, but though weary, he smiled. "Hey, guys. Glad to see you're still here."

"Remus." Lily hurried to him. "You look awful. Do you need to lie down?"

"Spending three days alone with Padfoot will do that to you," Remus joked, voice hoarse as dirty carpet.

"I resent that!" Sirius said. "I'm a well of life and joy. Spending time with me only ever does good."

"It does look like something sucked the life out of him," Reg muttered.

"Like I said," Remus repeated, "spending three days alone with Padfoot will do that to you."

"Hey!"

James shook his head and grinned half-heartedly. Until he noticed the deep shadows under Remus' eyes and his attempts to hide some of his difficulties. _Oh man… I haven't seen him look this bad in—well, I can't remember. He's paler than Mum's good china. And his hair. Could it be plastered any closer to his head? He's walking like he got into a fight with a rabid lumberjack._ "Remus, can you help me in the kitchen?"

"Huh?" Remus stopped smoothing his wrinkled shirt. "Oh, sure." He probably realized James' intention of having a word in private and willingly followed, Sirius in tow.

Once out of the sitting room and away from Lily and Reg, James whispered, "Was it bad?"

"Nah. It was fine," Remus insisted. Unconvincingly. He leaned against the wall, clearly still feeling the transformation's consequences.

"Moony, do you take Prongs for an idiot?" said Sirius.

"You're such a terrible liar." James shook his head at Remus. "Don't forget I've seen you at your best _and_ worst. And this," he gestured to Remus, "is not your best."

Remus' smile turned apologetic.

"The wolf was definitely not happy," said Sirius. "It tried to bite me at first and it took half an hour to calm it enough to convince it to play… Then it insisted on hunting deer."

"You're kidding. Deer? Sometimes it's insisted on taking down a rabbit or squirrel, but a deer?"

Red crept up Remus' neck and he avoided James' eyes.

"Stop feeling bad about it, Moony. It's not your fault," said James. "We all know that."

Remus still didn't look up.

"Wait… you didn't actually catch one, did you?"

Thick silence. Then Remus nodded and squeezed his eyes shut, as if he couldn't stand to see James' reaction.

"Blimey!" James ruffled his hair. "How'd you do that? No, wait, don't answer that. It was a stupid question."

"Think the wolf saved up its rage while you were on the Wolfsbane Potion?" Sirius said with a glance back out to the sitting room to make sure no one was listening in.

Remus quietly knit his composure back together, but still shuddered every few seconds in self-disgust.

"It's possible," said James. "But pressure and stress make the wolf angrier. And we're all under a lot of pressure right now. Wouldn't you agree?"

Sirius shifted closer and whispered so only James could hear. "He ate it. And woke up with his head shoved in the deer's stomach. He threw up a couple times. Wasn't pretty, but I think it's the emotional toll that's really getting to him."

_Oh, Moony… That's awful. I'm so sorry…_

Remus gathered enough courage to open his eyes. "What if… you'd been out there, Prongs? What if I'd gone for _your_ throat?"

"You wouldn't have."

"Think about it! You turn into a stag," said Remus.

"Yeah, but you would've recognized me. We're a pack, and you've always recognized us before."

"I attacked Padfoot." Remus' voice strained. "I don't think the wolf recognizes him all the time."

"That's not the first time the wolf's attacked me," said Sirius. "It's happened before, remember? It just wants to assert itself, and a big dog can be intimidating. Prongs was fine every time we ran together at school, so why wouldn't that continue to be true?"

Remus wilted. "I wish you'd stop glossing over the facts. Without the Wolfsbane Potion, this thing we're doing—it's a ticking bomb." A wash of fear coated his every word. "Please… don't be childish. We can't afford it anymore. Look where it's brought us…" His voice faded into a harsh whisper and his gaze grew unfocused.

James and Sirius exchanged silent agreement that they wouldn't get anywhere with him right now.

"Moony… you want to sleep for a bit?" said James.

"If I sleep now, I won't tonight. I want to catch up with everyone, anyway." Remus shoved his hands in his pockets and shuffled back to the sitting room where Lily and Regulus still stared at the old chess board's gloomy black and white squares.

James and Sirius tailed Remus.

"Hey, bro, you winning?" Sirius pulled up a chair near Regulus', just to the side of the game board.

"Eh." Reg didn't look up from the game.

 _Reg is angry at everything lately—short-tempered, easily annoyed._ James took a spot on the couch a foot or two from Lily. _He keeps up his manners as a house guest, but how long can he keep it all in? Not to mention the insomnia because of the stress. He's nowhere near easy to be around right now, and the current arrangement isn't helping…_

"Nope. He's losing," Lily said. "Bishop to B4. And check mate." She smiled, but it was a sad smile, as if she'd just shared a happy memory at a funeral. Her bishop snatched the crown off Reg's king and threw it down. "Hey, I'm getting better at this."

Remus flopped on the couch to the other side of Lily and leaned back into the cushions. "Anything new?"

He meant Severus, of course. _The Daily Prophet_ lay open on the table. Every day they all combed through it for any possible mention of Severus, or anyone vaguely resembling him. But they'd found nothing since his disappearance. Once there was a brief wanted ad for him accompanied by instructions to contact the Ministry should anyone find him—obviously a veiled attempt by Voldemort to locate him. Severus now represented the Dark Lord's target number one.

Lily still insisted Severus was alive—that she'd know if he wasn't. Tired of arguing with her, James chose to trust her judgment even if what she insisted had to be wrong. _It's foolish to hope too much—to think something'll show up in the paper. We know he's smart enough to stay hidden._

"No, nothing new. Just the usual…" Lily's voice rang hollow, like a tree too long dead.

 _It's so hard to be around her lately._ James folded his hands loosely in his lap. _It was hard to admit I don't really know her at all… Once I was in love with the idea of her—with her image—but now she's my friend. She's got such passion—such genuineness. But she's quiet, polite, helpful. She hides how hurt she is—tries to keep up a strong front and reassure everybody she's fine with that polite smile._ He didn't know where she hid to cry, but he'd caught her just finishing wiping her eyes once. Wherever it was, it was well out of sight. The crying combined with her sleeplessness coalesced into dark bags that now sagged under her eyes, even though she'd gone to great lengths to hide them.

"Any word from Peter?" said Remus.

James shook his head. "Nothing… And I tried writing him six times. He doesn't respond."

"Oh… I see…" Remus stared at the chess board, but no one else spoke and the room fell into awkward silence.

* * *

Days passed with everyone, including Lily, still locked in a daze, cooped up in the Potter house. Had this happened only a year ago they'd have been at each other's throats—literally. Now, they couldn't imagine picking at each other that way. Well… most of the time they couldn't. Regulus still snapped a lot, but other than that, they made efforts to give each other needed space and lend necessary comfort and support.

One of the best moments came unexpectedly when Lily, James, Sirius and Remus decided on a round of Quidditch in the garden. When they first asked Regulus to join he declined, but as everyone played, Reg ventured outside to watch and as his dour mood lifted and his interest rose, they all insisted he play to even out the teams. Reg loved flying more than anything else and once he jumped into the game, he seemed to enjoy himself.

But there were difficult moments too. Once, Sirius tried to start a water fight, but his efforts fell flat and no one could get up enough enthusiasm to do more than loiter in the yard with stares that would have put a lost pup to shame.

Now as everyone occupied the sitting room again, Lily faced the four boys—all on the couch except Sirius who sat in a chair to one side.

Lily leaned forward in her big chair and said, "Since we're all here, there's something I wanted to tell you… And I need to do it before we go back to Hogwarts."

"Sure," James said.

Sirius tossed him an intrigued glance, looking curious about what Lily would say too.

"This is confidential," Lily said. "No one but us can know… and Sev would probably be angry with me if he found out I told you, but… It might give us a better chance to figure out where he is." That got everyone's attention. "Promise me you won't tell anyone. And I mean _anyone._ "

Reg's expression darkened. "Sure you want to trust me with such important information?"

"We know you made a mistake," said Lily. "Sev made a similar one once too. He realized it just over a year ago and did his best to make it good. And I still trust him, even though he used to have every intention of turning dark." She propped one elbow on an armrest and supported her chin with her hand. "What I'm trying to say is, you were tempted and said no. Now you'll never be tempted again—like you can't break a bone in the exact same place twice."

"I think you've got too much faith in people," Regulus muttered. "I should leave." He almost did, but Lily got out of her chair, reached across the chess board and pulled him back down by the sleeve. He thumped into the couch.

"I choose to trust you. Just accept it. Besides, you might benefit from this the most."

Regulus' grim expression lingered, but he didn't try to leave again.

"Do I have your word you won't talk about this to anyone but those in this room?" said Lily.

"And Peter," Sirius added. When everyone stared at him, he crossed his arms and sat straight. "What? He's still one of us, even if leaving him in a house full of Fiendfyre scared him away for now."

"Of course, he is," said James. "But he can't know unless he comes back on his own. Then we'll tell him, but only if the situation demands it. Deal?"

Lily wasn't convinced. "You three trust him?"

"With my life," said Remus.

James and Sirius nodded agreement.

"All right. Sev is probably out looking for certain… objects. To destroy them is the only sure way to kill Voldemort."

Reg hissed and covered his ears.

"Oh, stop it," Lily scolded. "Sev wasn't afraid to say it—it's just a name. He won't jump out and get you for saying it." She shook her head and continued. "Voldemort –"

Regulus did it again.

"—stop it, Reg—he tried to gain immortality by splitting his soul in pieces and putting them into objects, which he hid. Those are Horcruxes. If we kill his body but leave the Horcruxes intact, he won't really die."

"Wait… you can do that? Split your soul in pieces?" James looked horrified. "That doesn't sound safe."

"The consequences have to extend beyond the physical," Remus murmured thoughtfully. "Can you imagine how damaged his soul must be? And there's more than one Horcrux?"

Lily nodded. "Sev found two at Hogwarts. That book in Spinner's office was one."

Sirius and James froze in horror.

"Another mistake to add to the list?" Sirius muttered.

"Sounds like it," James replied in kind, face flushed in shame.

"Wait." Regulus sat straighter. "Siri vanished that book. Severus never got it."

Lily shook her head. "You can't just vanish something as powerful as a Horcrux. Penelope switched it before you did that. She delivered the real book to Sev."

"What?" Sirius' confusion deepened as he tried to recall the scene. "She must have tricked me…"

At the mention of Penelope Reg turned gloomier than a winter moor so Lily hurried on. "That diary was Voldemort's from when he attended Hogwarts."

Sirius bristled. "Voldemort attended Hogwarts? Seriously?"

"Of course." Lily rolled her eyes. "His real name is Tom Marvolo Riddle."

Of the four boys, only Remus maintained a composed frown.

"I guess I never thought about it." James leaned into the couch and crossed his arms.

Sirius snickered into his hand, earning him odd looks from everyone. "Tom." He chuckled again, as if that one word explained everything. When it didn't, he elaborated. "The Dark Lord Tom doesn't sound very threatening, does it?"

"Guess it doesn't," James admitted with a smirk.

Reg seemed confused, as if he no longer understood humor.

"Anyway, Horcruxes," Lily continued. "Sev found two that I know of—the Diary, and the Diadem of Ravenclaw."

When the truth of her words sank in, Remus spoke. "I'm glad you told us. And you're right, it gives us something to start with, but… I know you found out all that from Severus. So… where did _he_ learn it?"

It was a good question.

Lily shifted in her chair and gripped the arm rest so tight she left indentations in the fabric. "I… can't tell you that. I'm sorry. It's something… personal, and it's not my place to divulge it." A blush warmed her face. "I'm not even sure I understand it myself."

Remus frowned again. "At least tell me this, has it something to do with his suddenly acquired powers? He'd not just a talented student. He's proved himself a powerful, knowledgeable wizard—even compared to adults. And Wolfsbane Potion? It should've taken years, if not decades, to develop."

" _He_ invented that?" James' attention snapped to Remus.

"Does it matter?" Remus waved James off.

"Sod it, Remus," Sirius grunted. "Did he invent it, or not?"

"Yeah… he did…" Remus said.

James rubbed his neck, shock barely contained. "Now I understand your behavior last year."

"Stop!" Reg interrupted. "What's Wolfsbane Potion, and what does it have to do with anything?"

Reg was still the only one who didn't know Remus was a werewolf.

Sirius smirked. "Why hurt your pretty head over that?"

"Shut it and answer me, Sirius," Regulus growled.

"It's not important." James tried to diffuse the situation. "I think we should concentrate on the Horcruxes."

Regulus glared, annoyed at being brushed off.

Remus quickly got back to the subject. "Does it have something to do with the potion and everything else?"

Lily broke eye contact but nodded.

"I think I get it now," said Remus, tone surprisingly light. "She's right, Prongs. It's too personal, and it doesn't matter, anyway."

"If you say so," said James, unconvinced.

"Merlin forbid…" Lily said to James with a sad smile. "You've grown up. A year ago, you'd have pursued this."

"You and Moony both say it isn't worth it, so why would I bother?" he said.

"She's right!" Sirius wrinkled his nose at James. "You've turned… reasonable! Why'd you do such a horrible thing to me?"

James rolled his eyes. "I assure you I'll always be ready to pull something, Pads, no matter the circumstances."

" _That's_ my man." Sirius socked James' shoulder.

Regulus took this opportunity to speak. "Last March… when I was alone with Bella, she said she was the Dark Lord's favorite, and… something about being entrusted with a great responsibility—an object the Dark Lord wouldn't give to just anyone."

"Sounds suspicious," said Remus. "You think it's worth looking into?"

Regulus nodded.

"And there lies the problem." Sirius turned grim. "No way are you snooping around for information, Reg."

"I'm not totally brain-dead," Regulus snorted.

"Of course, you're not." Lily leaned forward in her chair. "But it does present a problem."

"I guess…" Reg fiddled with one of the chess pieces.

"We can't barge into the mansion without a plan. Remember what happened last time." James regarded the group sternly.

Lily tapped her armrest, anxious at the memory. "You don't have to remind us. But it leaves a lot to think about, and… better to do something than nothing. Right?"

James stared in disbelief for a five-count before dragging the conversation on for another half hour while Lily tried to stop seeing images of the burning mansion and that horrid rainy night.


	3. Memories of spring

Night fell on Godric’s Hollow.

Lily sprawled on the guest room bed as moonlight filtered through the branches of the big maple outside her window. Tonight, the crescent moon waned, narrowing more with each passing day. But despite the dim quiet, she couldn’t sleep.

_This is bad…_ She rubbed sleepless eyes. Without the distraction of school, she had little to do—nowhere to burn the pent-up anxiety, the raw nerves. Just like many other recent nights, her mind wandered into memory.

  
  


_The Thursday after Penelope’s death hung over Lily like a boulder on a frayed string. Students—especially the other Life Defenders—walked the halls in a daze._

_Lit candles covered the group’s meeting room, and at that first meeting everyone looked to her and the Marauders, begging for explanation._

“ _I still don’t understand,” choked thirteen-year-old Katherine. “Why did she… die?”_

“ _She was a muggleborn,” said Regulus solemnly._

_Though Lily had already said this, it hadn’t sunk in yet for everyone._

“ _She was a mudblood?” Jugson wrinkled her nose._

“ _We don’t use that word here,” Regulus snapped. “There’s nothing wrong with being muggleborn.”_

“ _I’m one too in case anyone missed that.” Lily took a defensive stance._

_Jugson gaped. “I don’t believe it!”_

“ _You have a problem?” Regulus snarled. “Then spit it out!”_

“ _How could you trick me?” Jugson was on her feet in an instant. “Filthy mudbloods. I’m out of here!”_

“ _Why you_ _—_ _”_

“ _Stop it, Reg.” Though her own anger flared, Lily grabbed his sleeve to stop him from doing anything stupid—like punch Jugson in her self-righteous face. All that stopped her from doing it herself was knowing Penelope would have said it wasn’t worth it._

_Katherine whispered again, “I don’t… get it… Is she really dead? He killed her just because she was muggleborn? But… she was—was… just Pen. What sense does that make?”_

“ _That’s exactly the point,” Reg hissed as Jugson slammed the door on her way out. “It doesn’t make any sense._ _T_ _hat’s what Severus was trying to tell us all along!” He flung his school bag into the nearest corner so hard the five closest students jumped. “The Dark Lord kills muggleborns like Pen. Why? Because they’re muggleborns!”_

“ _He’s evil,” said Lily, tone firm as forged steel._

“ _It’s all stupid!” Regulus raged. “Everything those old farts back home had us believing—the garbage they shoveled down our throats—it’s idiotic! If I hadn’t figured it out, I’d have stayed on that same cursed road. I’d have become one of_ them _!” Reg paced, lost in a world of bitter pain without care for the tears in his eyes._

_To his credit, Sirius let his brother have his needed space._

“ _What about Severus? Where is he?” said Diane Diggory. “He’s not dead too… is he?” Her voice wavered. “Why isn’t he here?”_

“ _He’s out there,” Lily gestured toward the nearest window, feeling more exhausted than she could remember, “fighting to protect us all.” At the thought of Sev alone, a thousand blades of sadness ripped through her. If only she could do something to help him…_

  
  


Lily couldn’t linger in that moment anymore. It hurt too much. She grasped for another memory, a happier one. “Sev…” she whispered. “Oh, Sev…”

Last December she and Sev had taken a walk in the snow…

  
  


“ _It’s freezing,” Sev grumbled as he rubbed warmth into his hands. “You have the oddest ideas!”_

“ _It’s hard to have my boyfriend to myself when we’re inside,” Lily said as the recent snow crunched under her shoes. “You’re popular lately.”_

“ _Excuse me?”_

_Lily laughed at his confusion. The cluelessness in his deep black eyes was beyond adorable as the winter air colored his cheeks. Merlin… she really had fallen in love with him! He looked better now—a lot. Happiness became him, and others saw it too. But he still possessed an air of mystery only she could get through—and with ease. If she wanted, Lily could have Sev wrapped around her little finger whenever she wanted. Knowing he was hers delighted her. “I said I wanted some time alone with my boyfriend.” She kissed him—properly—and sent the usually focused Sev into a disbelieving daze. To see him happy thrilled her heart._

“ _I think I can live with that,” he said with a grin so out of place Lily giggled._

“ _You’d better.” She socked his arm playfully. The next instant she snagged his arm. He stopped._

_Quiet blanketed everything for one eternal breath._

_Lily stepped in front of Sev, took one of his hands and laid her unoccupied one on his shoulder._

“ _What are you doing?” said Sev._

“ _Dancing. What does it look like?”_

“ _Uh… I don’t think_ _—_ _”_

_She cut him off with another kiss._

“ _You’re impossible.” He surrendered and mirrored her steps far more artfully than she’d anticipated and as they flowed through the dance, he whirled her around, caught, and elegantly dipped her._

“ _You made me think you couldn’t dance!” Lily caught her breath as the moment ended._

“ _You’re bound to pick up_ something _in forty years of living.” He kept hold of her hand and led her through lightly falling snowflakes to a birch tree._

_She followed willingly. “Something_ _—_ _”_

_This time,_ he _kissed_ her.

_Finally, he’d pulled together the guts to do it. Joy warmed Lily. She’d tried so hard to nudge him along, prompt him to do it himself. Until now, he’d only kissed her on the forehead._

“ _Cheat.” She grinned when he pulled back._

“ _You started it.” He chuckled. “And you should know by now how much I want you.”_

_Lily’s heart sang. “I know.”_

  
  


No. No, no… If the first memory hurt, this one burned, like acid on an open wound. Lily choked, eyes misty. _We were happy! Why, Sev? Why are you… such… an idiot!_

  
  


_Every day—every single bloody day—Sev forced her to watch him wallow in suffocating misery. It was unbearable! Why did he insist on doing this to himself? What was the point? Were they not happy together? Now, he was dark and grim as before, only colder._

“ _Sev?” She tried to get his attention from one table behind him during Potions. He didn’t even turn around._

“ _Sev, look at me!” she hissed in a loud whisper._

_Again, no reaction. At her first opportunity she left her table and circled in front of him, leaning over his station so her face hovered inches from his gaunt features. He didn’t have to look this way. He could be so handsome… even now, his face reverted to sullenness, eyes hard as steel, he was still handsome._

“ _Sev! Talk to me!” Her loud frustration earned looks from everyone in the room, but she didn’t care._

_Sev narrowed black eyes, lips a thin line. “Miss Evans,” he sneered, “I’m at a crucial stage in my brewing. Kindly allow me to concentrate.” With more audacity than a disapproving cat, he turned his back to her._

_Lily’s anger flared so hot her temper conquered her maturity and she smacked Sev’s small cauldron, spilling the half-made potion everywhere. “Woops. Sorry,” she said, tone anything but apologetic. “Guess this stage isn’t so crucial anymore.”_

_This earned one short glance from Severus before he silently cleaned up the mess._

_“Sev,” she demanded again. “Look at me!_ _ Look _ _. At. Me!”_

_But he was just as stubborn and kept cleaning._

_“I said, look at me!” She grabbed him by the shoulders and jerked him up from the floor to look her in the face._

_He scowled. “Don’t touch me.” The poison in his voice would have scared even the strongest of men. But not Lily Evans._

_She didn’t let go. “Or you’ll what? Hex me? Spare me the empty threats, Sev. I’m not afraid of you.”_

_For the barest fraction of a moment, Sev’s eyes softened, even showed a fragment of defeat. The next instant they iced over again as he pulled away from her grasp._

_“You can’t go on like this. Look at yourself!” Lily waved a hand at his pathetic figure—one that could be magnificent if only he wanted it to be. “You’ll break if you keep this up.” She banged a fist on the table. “Look at me,_ _ COWARD _ _!”_

_Severus whirled to shove the outburst right back in her face. His expression contorted in rage. “Shut up!” The raw emotion in those two words made her ears ring. For a split second, Lily was afraid. “Shut up and leave me alone!” Now desperation replaced wrath and Sev hauled in three deep, staggered breaths before he turned his back to her again._

“ _Sev?” Lily pleaded, fighting tears. “Who do you think you’re fooling? Because it isn’t me. I see right through you.”_

_Severus said nothing._

  
  


Why did she have to find _that_ memory? Why keep doing this to herself? But nothing would stem the flood of past woes and another incident, one a while before the confrontation in the Potions room came back to her.

  
  


“ _Ouch. Ow!” Sev turned to glare at Lily. “What in Merlin’s name are you doing?”_

“ _Your hair’s tangled again.” Lily worked out a stubborn knot of black hair with her brush as they sat together in the library. It was late October and winter’s first signs chilled the air, but inside it was still cozy and warm. Tired of watching Sev brood over scrolls and books, she decided this was the perfect time to be in a teasing mood. “If you’d brush it yourself every morning you wouldn’t have this problem.” She shook her brush at him in a playful scold. “That’s what happens when you have thick hair and keep it this long. I like it though.” She ran her fingers through a smooth section. “It’s so you.”_

“ _It wasn’t that thick six months ago,” he grumbled under his breath._

“ _Stress.” The awfulness of what he would be going through now if they hadn’t reconciled came to mind—and she still had no idea the horrors of his previous life. “We’ll have to make sure you never have to shoulder that much of it again.”_

“ _Stop!” Sev tried to escape the brush by ducking under the table. “I promise I’ll brush it this evening. And tomorrow.” He sat on the floor, watching her like he was a chicken about to be plucked. “I’ll do it every day for the rest of my life if you’ll just leave it alone for now!”_

“ _I’m not buying it.” Lily smirked. “You’ll forget again.”_

_She chuckled at his blank stare. She was probably the only person on earth who could pull stunts like this without being hexed into next century._

_Taking advantage of the gap in his attention, Lily dove under the table with him and took hold of his hair again. The unknotted bits were so soft._

_“Infernal woman…” Severus muttered._

_“Stubborn donkey,” Lily retorted with a snort. At least she’d distracted him from whatever dark paths he’d just tried to wander. “There. All done.” She drew a hand through his hair. “It feels so nice.”_

_He caught her hand and stopped her from playing with his hair. “Please, don’t do that again.” He seemed sincere, almost desperate._

_“No promises,” she tried to joke._

_“Please.”_

_In Sev’s eyes lingered something… Was it… fear? She fought the urge to touch his hair again—to throw her arms around him and kiss his forehead. A blush warmed her cheeks at the idea_ _,_ _and she gave him an apologetic smile._ _ Stop it. Don’t even think that way. He’s obviously not ready for things like that. _ _“If that’s what you want.” Lily crawled from under the table and settled into her chair._

_It took Severus a moment to brave returning to his seat, but when he did_ _,_ _he fixed his attention on his work, never taking his eyes from the books he’d brought to study from._

_“Idiot,” Lily mumbled so quietly Sev couldn’t have heard her. If she’d kept messing with his hair one second longer_ _,_ _she_ _ would _ _have kissed him. And not just on the forehead._

_As Sev studied, Lily couldn’t help but think his face—especially his eyes—were so distinctly his, but now… they’d turned foreign. This wasn’t the same Sev she grew up with, but she liked him a lot better this way. Even as he tried to hide behind his dark hair, a soft glow spread through her chest._ _ He’s—he’s the most adorable person on earth! And definitely handsome. _ _How long had she seen him this way? Since they were nine? No, ten._ _ Why am I just now noticing? _

_Confident, proud, independent yet uncertain, humble, needy, complex—but simple: this was Sev. Unique. And she loved him for it—flaws and all—though she didn’t fully understand everything._

_Lily’s heart beat faster than a wolf chasing a rabbit and her blush from a moment ago crept down her neck._ _ He chose me—over everything else. And he chose to do the right thing. He’s a good man… I know that now.  _ _The uncomfortable warmth didn’t dissipate. She wanted him—wanted to embrace him, kiss him and hold him tight. But she kept her thoughts to herself and pretended to read her schoolbooks._

_She wanted Sev, and she’d get him. All she needed was the right moment. Then she would never let go. Ever!_

* * *

At James’ house, time crept by and as midnight became pre-dawn, Remus couldn’t sleep. Though two days had passed since the full moon, the memory of ripping into that deer, blood covering his head and fur while its warm entrails gushed around him… The nauseating images lingered.

Tonight, he escaped to the kitchen.

Regulus, his roommate, stared after Remus as he left.

_He probably hasn’t slept tonight either._ Remus shut the door quietly so as not to wake anyone who might have managed to get to sleep.

With Regulus’ tenuous relationship with James and Sirius and the mountain of guilt he carried, Remus was the least-controversial option for Regulus to share a room with. _He’d willingly throw himself to an early death if he thought he could redeem himself that way… Just like Severus._

Though he’d never tried to commit a crime or do something blatantly self-serving like the other boys, Remus felt for them. _I’m cursed too._ The urge rose to wash away the dirt coating his soul—an urge he doubted he would ever escape. If he could redeem himself, he would—no matter the cost.

Remus tiptoed into the empty kitchen and splashed water on his face, but the sense of being stuck in a soiled blanket remained. With a sigh he sank into a chair at the table and buried his face in his hands. _I’ve got to get out._

A rustle of wings at the window pulled him from his misery. Owls—five of them—settled in the near window. “Wha…?”

James trotted down the stairs. “Moony?”

“Our Hogwarts letters are here.” Remus let the owls in. Each one delivered one student’s exam results and curriculum for the next year. _Guess we’re headed to Hogsmeade soon to buy books._

“Our letters?” Lily followed close behind James, looking like she hadn’t slept either.

All three claimed their letters and with a flurry of crinkles Lily and Remus opened them, but James hesitated.

“Something wrong?” said Lily.

“It’s heavy.” James tucked a finger into the envelope and tugged it open. “You’ve gotta be kidding me!”

“What?” said Remus. “Got your first detention of the year already?”

“Ha, ha. Very funny,” James snarked and displayed a shiny badge.

“What’s that?” Remus leaned closer to have a better look.

“Pad will never let me live this down…” James shook his head. “Looks like Dumbledore’s lost his mind and made me Head Boy.”

“Congratulations!” Lily smiled.

“This is _me_. Remember?”

“Yes, but you’ve grown up,” said Lily. “It’s not really that surprising.”

“Same here,” said Remus.

“So, why not Moony? Or somebody else?”

“I think I have enough to handle already.” Remus snorted. “And just listen to us for a second. You really have grown up. You’ve taken responsibility for younger students.”

“What’s going on down here?” Sirius, fully dressed, hair wet shuffled into the kitchen.

“Dumbledore made James Head Boy.” Lily announced.

“You’re kidding.”

“No. Look.” James held up the badge.

“Disgusting.” Sirius turned up his nose. “What have I done to deserve this?” He sat in the chair beside Remus. “To see my two best mates become a prefect and Head Boy? It’s too much to bear.”

Lily snorted at Sirius as she reached for her already opened letter. “Why be friends with me and Remus if you feel that way?” she teased. “We’re both prefects. And your little brother is a prefect too, isn’t he?”

“Merlin! How did I land in a house full of insane people?” Sirius groaned.

Lily pulled a badge out of her envelope too. “Correction—a prefect _and_ Head Girl.”

“You too?” said James. “Well… not that I’m surprised. But, wow! Congrats! You deserve it, Lily.”

“Thanks.” She grinned.

“Honestly.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “I miss Peter. He understands me.”

James and Remus went quiet.

“Sirius, you’re an idiot sometimes,” said Lily.

Red crept into Sirius’ face as he redirected the conversation. “He still hasn’t responded to any of our letters?”

James shook his head.

Sirius cursed quietly. “I hope he’s all right.”

“Yeah,” James agreed. “Me too…”


	4. Trouble at diagon alley

Green flames surrounded Lily, then the floo spat her into Diagon Alley. With a cough and splutter she dusted herself off. Sirius appeared an instant later, stepping from the floo exit as if he'd just walked through a door.

"Is there a magical mode of travel at least _somewhat_ comfortable?" She patted one last patch of soot from her flowery summer dress and tried to tidy her mussed hair—perfect only two minutes ago.

"By your standards? Afraid not, love." Sirius didn't bother to hide his amusement at her frustration. His black leather jacket and sturdy leather boots looked good on him, and as his hair fell into his face, Lily couldn't deny the wild, rebellious air that rolled off him and she almost snorted as a girl on the other side of the street sighed over Sirius dreamily.

Regulus exited next, as if floo travel were second nature.

When the brothers weren't in their school uniforms, the differences between them magnified. Regulus preferred traditional wizard's robes and wore his hair short and neat, expression stern—though none of this stopped Sirius' admirer from appreciating Regulus too. The girl snagged her friend and whispered in the second girl's ear, her comments punctuated by frequent glances at both Blacks.

Remus exited last, after James, and brushed the soot from his shabby clothes.

"Looks like everyone made it all right," said Lily wryly. "You'd think there'd be a better way to travel."

The group stepped into the Leaky Cauldron.

The bar room was deserted. Only a man with salt-and-pepper hair and broad shoulders hung over the bar, his back to them. Three seats away sat a blonde woman—apparently on the tail end of a drinking spree—head on the bar as she drooled onto one arm and snored louder than an asthmatic walrus.

Tom, the pub's owner, bustled around casting them curious looks. Lily could hardly blame him. They looked a strange lot: her in a muggle summer dress and white sandals; Sirius in leather and black with a pair of golden rings in one ear; Regulus, ever the dignified; and Remus the bookish. Only James looked remotely ordinary.

 _If Peter were here, he'd probably be wearing the simplest thing possible to keep attention off himself. Sev would be in… the wizard's robes I gave him…_ Those robes always made him look powerful, forbidding. _At least… that's what he'd have worn six months ago. Now, he probably looks gaunt and sullen._ She imagined him scaring people out of his way now with his mere presence. _No. Got to think about something else._

She took stock of their strange group. Individuality was good. When it didn't clash.

"Remus! Lily! Regulus!"

Everyone turned around to find Lucy waiting for them as promised. Her orange hair was still bright as the afternoon sun and she, like Regulus, wore wizard's robes, but hers were brown and almost as shabby as Remus' clothes though they looked practical and comfortable.

Lily had been surprised when Remus suggested they meet with Lucy. Until he pointed out they were all on Voldemort's hit list. Safety in numbers. That was their assurance right now.

Remus avoided looking at Lucy.

The girl approached. "Th-thank you for you inviting me." She bowed. "Gertrude-said-I-shouldn't-go." Her words ran together worse than a goose's chattering. "Oh—she's-me-mum's-old-friend! But-I-said-to-her-ya-would-protect-me-and-it-would-be-fine. I'm-sorry, I-hope-I-won't-be-any-trouble!"

"It's nice to see you again." Lily stepped forward first. "How are you…?"

Lucy blushed, but some of her nervousness melted, and her words slowed. "I'm… staying with one of me Mum's friends. It's nice getting to go outside for once. I haven't been allowed out all vacation."

"They still haven't found your mother?" said Remus.

Lucy shook her head. "Still missing."

"You haven't been home? At all?" said Regulus.

Lucy shook her head again. "Thank you so much for meeting me. I was going insane inside the house. Me head…" she held it as if it were about to roll from her shoulders and shatter like a glass Christmas bulb.

"I know the feeling," Regulus mumbled.

"Let's have a nice day out, shall we?" said Lily.

Lucy smiled at this. "Okay."

* * *

The group left the pub and split up. James took Sirius and Lucy to Gringotts Bank and Lily went with Remus and Regulus to help Remus look for some robes at the second-hand store. The arrangement kept in mind any potential trouble, though Regulus fit in with the store's clientele about as well as a moose in a flock of ducks, and he started to ask Remus the same hesitant question at least four times, but each attempt stopped after the second word.

"How about this one?" Lily held up a thick, black robe ideal for late autumn and winter. It was about the right size and not too shabby.

"Perfect." Remus took it. "It's my winter robes that need exchanging the worst."

"You weren't freezing last winter, were you?" she said, concerned.

"Nah. It was fine. My immune system is stronger than most."

"That's no reason to be cold. Here." Lily snagged a scarf and woolen gloves from a shelf. "I couldn't help noticing you don't have any."

Remus muttered embarrassed thanks.

"Do many people shop here?" said Regulus as he cast wary glances at patrons and wares.

"Probably about half the school." Lily chuckled to herself. "Half my books are second-hand. And it's not because my family's poor. There's just no reason to spend good money on new ones every year when used ones are just as good." She snorted. "You should see Sev's book collection. They were his mother's, but then he started using them as personal journals. They got so battered and scribbled over it's a miracle they don't fall apart every time someone touches them. He's good at repairing clothes too. Makes them at least _look_ decent."

"Maybe he could teach me a thing or two," said Remus as he examined a previously patched summer robe.

Lily held in a chuckle. To imagine Remus looking other than shabby felt wrong. And Sev giving him housewife tips? _Don't laugh,_ she told herself. _Don't laugh._

Regulus seemed oblivious to the conversation's humor as he stared out the store's front window at a blonde boy. The kid was cute… but the shadow of madness lurked behind his light blue eyes.

"Who's that?" said Lily.

"Barty Crouch Jr. from the year below me," Regulus said hesitantly.

"Isn't his father a high Ministry official?" Remus thumbed through several more winter robes.

"Yeah," said Regulus.

"Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement if I'm not mistaken. A pretty ruthless fellow, if you ask me," said Remus.

Reg raised a brow. "You met him?"

"Once." Remus waved off Regulus' curiosity. "It was… a bit of a misunderstanding. Nothing big."

Outside, a man of imposing size stopped to stand beside Crouch. Reg looked away quickly, acting like he hadn't seen him. "That's Rookwood," he whispered. "A Death Eater. He was at the mansion."

Lily, Regulus and Remus sneaked glances out the window as Rookwood took Crouch by the shoulder and led him away, but not before Crouch gave Reg one last sour glare.

"What does that mean?" said Lily.

"Trouble." Reg's voice shook just a little, and he kept his head down. "They know we're here."

Lily swore. "We've got to tell the others and get out of here. Now!"

Both boys looked at her as if she'd just said she was a bald monkey. Lily rarely swore.

"Well." She made a shooing motion. "What're you waiting for, Remus? You've got everything you came for, right?"

Remus nodded. "Yeah. Just let me pay." He hurried to counter with his purchases.

"Coming here was stupid," Lily said.

"Agreed." Reg nodded.

"What?! Why?" Remus exclaimed from the counter.

"Simple. I don't sell to _your kind_ ," the clerk spat.

"How do you even know?"

The clerk threw a piece of parchment at Remus.

"Just great," Remus hissed as he read and then crumpled the paper.

"Stay here," Lily said to Reg and hurried over to the clerk and an unhappy Remus. "What is it?"

"Courtesy of Dolores Umbridge, the werewolf registry just got made public," said Remus so quietly that only Lily and the clerk heard him. "And according to her, we're all followers of Voldemort." The clerk flinched at the Dark Lord's name.

"Then I'll buy," Lily said.

The clerk shook her head. "You're buying for him."

"So? It's no business of yours who I'm buying this for. Take the money!" She threw the coins on the counter. "That should be enough. Let's get out of here." She bagged Remus' purchases herself and marched out the door, dragging Remus with her. Reg followed.

"What was that about?" said Regulus.

"Gossip and stupid prejudice— _that's_ what it's about." Lily scowled.

Remus offered an apologetic, though strained, smile.

Regulus still didn't know about Remus' condition and looked even more confused the longer he tried to understand the brief exchange.

The three hurried toward Gringotts. Regulus and Remus tried to hide their faces—which only made them look more suspicious in Lily's opinion.

"Blood traitor!" one woman screeched with a finger pointed at Regulus. "Mudblood!" another snarled at Lily. "Half-breed!"

Lily cursed for the second time in less than twenty minutes. "Run for Gringotts. Now!" She drew her wand just in time to deflect a stunner hurled from three hooded figures gaining on them from behind.

The boys drew their wands and ran after Lily

"Get them! Get them! Kill the blood traitor, mudblood and half-breed!"

"Why half-breed?" Regulus whispered as they ducked behind a corner for cover.

"That's me," Remus said. He shot a blinding spell to create a diversion before they ran for the next corner.

"What do we do now?" Lily panted. "We're trapped here. No one can apparate in or out of Diagon Alley."

"How would I know?" Reg snapped.

"Any suggestion would do," Remus said. "The only one I've got is _run_!" He sprinted down a side alley as their pursuers neared.

"Whoa!" Lily, Regulus and Remus stopped when three more robed men blocked their way. _Not Death Eaters. But not friendly either._

"Snatchers," Reg whispered. "And…"

" _You_!" The aversion in Remus' voice was so venomous it could have killed a snake. The man Remus glared at stank of rotten meat; his sharp, yellow teeth seemed more like a dog's than a man's, and dirt caked his long, claw-like nails.

"So, we meet again, Lupin. Has it really been twelve years? Why, you were no taller than a wobbly-legged foal last time I saw you." He spread his arms. "Give Daddy a hug."

" _Confringo_!" A blast from behind knocked the snatchers and the dirty man away. James, Sirius and Lucy stood on the other side of them, wands raised, ready to fight.

"What're you waiting for? Let's go!" James urged as he turned to flee.

Only Remus hesitated, giving the filthy man another poisonous glare.

"Moony, come _on_!"

Remus obeyed.

A green flash whizzed past them.

"Killing curses now? Are you kidding me?" Sirius snarled.

Precisely placed fire sprang up between the group and the still pursuing Death Eaters, buying time to put distance between them. They ran for the Alley's exit, but it wasn't long before more Death Eaters and snatchers tailed them.

They rounded another corner and Lucy's face blanked. "Call Kreacher," she said, almost hypnotically and without her accent, sounding nothing like herself. "He can apparate us out."

"What?" said Regulus.

Lucy shook out of the trance. "Wha'? Why you lookin' at me?"

"What did you say?" Regulus prodded.

"I didn't say anything." Lucy insisted. "Are you all right?"

"I don't know." Regulus called for his house-elf. "Kreacher!"

Nothing happened.

"In here." Sirius pointed to a door that stood open nearby. From inside, they appeared to be in an apartment building entrance hall.

"What's the plan now?" said Regulus as he latched the door.

"Don't get caught?" Sirius snorted.

A loud crack cut the air and all six of them jumped.

"What the—" Sirius began.

A house-elf appeared—though he looked nothing like the ones Lily had seen in her schoolbooks. This one's skin was so leathery and wrinkled Lily couldn't be absolutely sure it _was_ a house-elf—and he regarded the group apprehensively.

"Kreacher," Sirius growled. "What are you doing here, you filthy—"

"Leave him alone!" Regulus pushed Sirius away. "And don't you dare insult him ever again!"

The instant he saw Regulus, the house-elf lit up in delight and displayed his two remaining teeth in a grin, arms spread enthusiastically. "Master!" he cheered only to draw back the next instant, flushed with embarrassment. "Mater must excuse Kreacher. Kreacher knows he is not allowed to touch, but Kreacher was so worried about Master Regulus."

"It's all right, Kreacher." Regulus smiled fondly. "You can touch me." He squatted to hug the old house-elf as the rest of the group gaped.

"Master." Kreacher broke into happy tears. "Kreacher knew it was Master's voice he heard. Kreacher _knew_ it! Oh, Kreacher was so terrified when Master did not come home from school. Mistress keeps saying she has _two_ disappointments now, but Kreacher did not believe it. Kreacher knows that Master Regulus will always be good."

"Kreacher, listen." Regulus let go of the crying elf. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's true. Mother disowned me."

Kreacher didn't seem to understand. "But Master Regulus is still Master Regulus?"

"Yes, Kreacher. I'm still the same, and you're still my best friend."

Kreacher's ugly face split into a grin. "Then Kreacher will serve Master Regulus. Kreacher will always be proud to serve Master Regulus, no matter what Mistress says."

Sirius scratched his head in bewilderment. "Why was he never like that to me?"

"Why do you think?" Regulus snarked. "Pushing him around, calling him names. What did you expect?"

"Ah. Well…" Red crept up Sirius' neck as he bit his tongue to keep from saying something he would regret.

Lucy kneeled beside Regulus and regarded Kreacher with curiosity. The house-elf scurried behind Regulus. "Excuse me for asking, but how did you get here, Kreacher? Ye canna apparate in Diagon Alley. Is it because of that elf magic a yours?"

Kreacher looked to Regulus in question. Reg shrugged.

"Elf magic is actually quite magnificent," said Lucy. "You can do all sorts of things without a wand, can't you, Kreacher? That's something most wizards can only dream of. And, like many creatures, you're not limited to wizarding wards and laws, since most wizards' magic can't sense you… Whoops!" She covered her mouth for half a second. "I'm being rude, aren't I? I'm Lucy. Pleasure to meet you, Kreacher." She offered her hand as if that were the most natural thing to do when meeting a house-elf.

Kreacher tightened his grip on Regulus.

"You can take her hand, Kreacher," said Reg. "She's not going to hit you."

The elf appraised Lucy warily, gulped, and gave her hand a limp squeeze before he jerked back behind Regulus.

"This is nice and all," Sirius snorted, "but we're kind of on the run here."

"Kreacher," Regulus said, "can you apparate us all to Godric's Hollow?"

"Certainly, Master. If everyone would hold hands, please."

Regulus and Lucy took Kreacher's hands; Lily snagged Lucy's, and the Marauders linked hands to complete a large circle.

"Don't let go," instructed Kreacher.

The familiar sensation of being pressed through a tube was only slightly worse than what Lily was used to, but when she hit the ground in Godric's Hollow, she almost toppled over Remus.

"Is there anything else Master Regulus needs?" said Kreacher. "You must excuse Kreacher, but Kreacher has a lot to do in the house. Kreacher should return at once."

"No, thanks, Kreacher. But I do have an order. Don't tell Mum you saw or helped me. If she asks, lie, and don't punish yourself over it. And… there's something Bellatrix supposedly got from the Dark Lord—to keep safe. Don't go out of your way to find out what it is, and don't try to steal it, but if you can find out anything without getting caught, come to me and tell me immediately. All right?"

Kreacher's bat-wing-like ears flapped as he nodded. "Is there anything else, Master?"

"No. That should be all," Regulus said. "If there is anything, I'll call for you. Oh, and, Kreacher? If you ever need anything, you can come to me too."

Kreacher grinned again. "As you wish, Master Regulus." The house-elf vanished with a crack.

"I never thought I'd say it, but Merlin bless the little bugger," said Sirius.

Regulus shot him a deadly glare.

"Hey, I did say Merlin bless." Sirius threw up his hands.

Lily chuckled at their antics. "It was a brilliant idea to call him, and we're lucky he decided to obey you, despite the disownment."

"It wasn't my idea," said Reg. "Lucy told me to call Kreacher."

"What?" Lucy looked at him as if he'd just claimed to be the prime minister of England. "I didn't tell you anything. I didn't even know you _had_ a house-elf! Or that his name is Kreacher!"

"But you said it. Don't you remember? You specifically told me to call Kreacher."

"I didn't. Honestly!"

James frowned. "It was pretty chaotic back there. Are you sure you didn't imagine it?"

"Absolutely sure," Reg insisted.

"Then let's just leave it," said James. "It doesn't really matter, anyway. Right?"

Lily cut in. "If Lucy said something so important, but can't remember, I'd say it _is_ important."

"Who cast those flames?" James shifted topics. "It was brilliant!"

No one took credit.

"Come on," said Sirius. "It must've been one of us." He turned to Remus. "It was you, wasn't it?"

Remus shook his head. "I assure you it wasn't."

"Then who?" Sirius' frown deepened.

"One of the Death Eaters?" Lily offered, doubting that even as she said it.

"More likely someone hiding on the roof," said Regulus.

Remus looked skeptical at that answer. "For all we know, it could've been a poltergeist having fun at the Death Eaters' expense."

Lily held up a hand. "Wait." _This can't be coincidence. That fire…_ "I've only ever seen flames conjured and controlled like that once. Last March."

One silent second passed before they chorused, "Severus!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Moonybird, the author here. 
> 
> I hope you are enjoying the continuation of the story so far, again I will remind. The story already is written, this is the fix up. And like before, it will be updated weekly. 
> 
> I have another question for you guys, you see. Dtill359, she has just written an original book of her own. That's amazing, I really hope the best for her.   
> .... I also want to write an original story! I tried to write it in Danish, but I have become so used to write in English lol. Also, it seems to me this way of writing fanfiction and getting instant feedback works well for me. 
> 
> So question is this... Do some of you guys want to help me write a book? Meaning, I will simply release this original work chapter by chapter at THIS site, I get instant feedback and you get to be part of writing the book itself, it will of course probably be re-written with time.   
> It's only a suggestion, I already have written some semi original works which are released on this site. One is called. "Adventures of the Scarlet Fox." other is called. "Tale of the Frog princess."   
> But you know, being original works and all, no one reads them... That's just the nature of things I suppose. So that's why I am asking here. 
> 
> This is NOT a demand, just a question if some would be interested in doing it for fun.


	5. Back to Hogwarts

Knowing it would be awhile before they had this much privacy again Remus, James, Lily and Sirius clustered in one secluded compartment on the Hogwarts Express to discuss their summer.

Remus bristled every time he thought of the two crumpled warning posters he’d shoved into his trunk as they left James’ house. One copy he’d gotten at the second-hand shop, the other James and Sirius ripped off a wall to keep Lucy from seeing it. More copies papered Diagon Alley; each one featured Remus’ face and said, “Hogwarts student. Beware!” He hoped other students hadn’t seen the posters.

“I think it’s cool,” Sirius had joked when Kreacher apparated them back to Godric’s Hollow.

“ _You_ try getting our face plastered on warning signs and posted everywhere. Then you’ll see what it feels like,” Remus had snapped.

The moment Kreacher had left them, Remus hurried to another room, angry and humiliated, begging Merlin no one he knew had given those posters a good look. With so many other flyers and signs—including other werewolf warnings—maybe no one had given his much thought. Most of the werewolves were innocent, anyway.

 _Thank that monstrous woman Umbridge for this!_ Remus wanted to march into her office and roar in her ugly, smug face. He’d had only seen Umbridge once—when he tested the Wolfsbane Potion. _Who’d have thought I could hate someone more than Fenrir Greyback?_

Back in Diagon Alley was the first time he’d seen Greyback in person since… being bitten. He didn’t remember much about the actual event—only terror, glowing amber eyes, and agony as teeth sank into his flesh.

He’d seen photos of Greyback, but they hadn’t roused anything in him other than disgust. Now, the knowledge that he could become just like that hideous, putrid man in the Alley… Bile stopped his throat. _I never_ ever _want that._

* * *

Every time the conversation turned to the Diagon Alley incident, Lily’s anger rose. “Sev was there! Right there! And he didn’t even think to leave me a sign, much less contact me!”

James propped his chin on one hand. “I don’t’ know how to break it to you, but _he_ left _you_. The chances of him seeking you out are pretty slim.”

Lily shot him a scathing glare.

“What did you expect him to do?” said James. “Leave you a note? ‘Hi, Lily, I’m safe and well, currently residing at a spa. Don’t worry about me fighting Death Eaters and Voldemort single-handedly. I’ve got everything under control. Cheers, Severus. P.S. I’m sorry.’”

The color drained from Lily’s face.

“Sorry…” James murmured. “I… wasn’t thinking.”

“Really, Prongs? How did you figure?” Remus said. “Lily, we all know he’s in danger, but don’t forget he can take care of himself—better than any of us, for sure.”

“He’d be even better at it if he could think straight,” Lily hissed.

“We know,” James shot back. “We’re not stupid.”

“Ha! You tried pretty hard at it the past six years,” said Sirius with a smirk.

“Speak for yourself.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Sirius feigned offense. “With my charisma and boyish good looks, how could anyone ever accuse me of that?”

Lily rolled her eyes.

“Maybe you’re right.” Sirius grinned and examined his reflection in the train window. “Perhaps I’m too old for the boyish look. I was thinking about trying out a beard.”

“You’ve got to be joking,” James choked.

Everyone else nodded agreement.

Sirius was unfazed. “Just a short one—a goatee or something.”

“And here I thought pink hair was your new thing,” James said. “But I guess it would work for you, Mr. Drama Queen.”

“Prongsie, how mean of you. I was hoping you’d grow one with me,” said Sirius.

“Nope. Not happening!”

“How about you, Moony? I always thought a mustache would look good on you.”

“Try again when I’m well over thirty,” Remus snorted.

“All right. I will.”

Lily took solace in the boys’ silliness—a welcome distraction—one she very much needed.

* * *

Once they’d left the train, Lily and the rest of their little group waited for their ride to Hogwarts. They didn’t have to wait long, but as the thestral-drawn carriages neared, Lily’s heart sank into her gut. Black-skinned, skeletal animals trotted toward her, as if she’d always been able to see them. Their leathery wings and sharp teeth made them seem menacing.

The rest of the group stared too.

“You can all see them?” she said.

Everyone nodded.

“I was hoping never to be able to see thestrals…” said Remus, amazed.

As the beasts drawing the first few carriages passed, everyone took a step back.

Nearby stood Peter Pettigrew, his face whiter than winter’s first snow.

Remus approached the closest thestral and stroked its flank.

 _Just like Hagrid._ Lily shook her head. _Finds all creatures fascinating, and not afraid of them, even if they look scary._ Prompted by Remus’ lack of fear, she took a step closer.

Reg wasn’t too far away from the rest of the group, but he almost looked worse than Peter. Lily thought to go to him, to tell him not to be afraid. _But if I go over there… what will I say?_ She slowly reached for the thestral’s neck. Its black skin was soft and warm, and the beast nuzzled her hand, eager for attention.

Further down the carriage line, Crouch also petted a thestral, but instead of sadness, he flaunted a look of triumph, and an evil smirk grew into a wicked grin as he stroked the beast.

Lily shivered. _T_ _h_ _ere’s something really wrong with that kid._

“Ya… Ya can all see them now? Can’t ya?” Lucy joined Lily and the others. “I’m so sorry.”

“You can’t?” said Lily.

Lucy shook her head. “That’s… good though. Right?” She reached toward the creature she couldn’t see and smiled when she felt its smooth coat. “I kind of wish ya didn’t have ta see anyone die ta see them. They’re such sweethearts, aren’t they?” She found the thestral’s head and held it with both hands, like she would a horse.

Sirius tapped Lucy’s shoulder and motioned her away from the winged creatures. “Oi, Carrot. I’ve got a question for you—but it might come across a bit odd.”

Lily gave the thestral one last pat before stepping closer to Sirius and Lucy to hear what ridiculous thing Sirius would ask out of the others’ earshot.

“Say, if Prongs were a vampire,” said Sirius, “but he kept it hidden. What would you do if you found out?”

“James is a vampire?” Lucy said in surprise.

Lily snorted and walked away shaking her head. The heavy dread she’d carried since the mansion left her as she got her things together. But then she saw Crouch climbing into a carriage and the weight returned. Not even when they arrived at Hogwarts and she greeted her two best friends, Bertha and Emmeline did it dissipate.

As Lily talked with the two girls, she realized how far apart they’d drifted. Last year, she spent far more time with Sev and the Life Defenders than with them. And now she’d spent an entire summer with the Marauders. How could she help it? After the mansion she was closer to the boys than she could ever be to Bertha and Emmeline—or _any_ of her other friends. She trusted the Marauders—with her life.

As Lily and the rest of the group entered the Great Hall, Regulus and Lucy left for their respective house tables. Reg even looked relieved to leave their company after months of forced closeness.

Instead of sitting with Bertha and Emmeline, Lily joined the Marauders—well, the Marauders minus Peter who cowered at the other end of the table. _I guess James and Sirius couldn’t convince him to hang out with them again. Probably thinks it’s too dangerous._

At the front of the Hall, Dumbledore sat at the center of the teachers’ table, Professor McGonagall to his right, and Professor Slughorn to his left. Professor Flitwick was there too, accompanied by a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher—the latest in a long line as the position changed every year. This time, a tall, confident-looking wizard with short graying hair filled the seat. _At least he looks serious. Nobody could be worse than that fourth-year teacher._ Lily wanted to roll her eyes. _She cared more about breaking a nail than teaching anything—much less defensive magic. I guess that was the year the war broke out too…_

Dumbledore stood to deliver his speech. “Dear students of Hogwarts, I’m delighted to see so many of you managed to join us this year and fill the ranks to keep the school open. Unfortunately, that’s no longer a laughing matter.”

Lily didn’t even have to look to know he was right. The tables, only last year crammed with students, now struggled to fill half their seats. Some students had been forced to flee, and others… met harsher fates.

“These are dark times indeed,” Dumbledore said. “And your thoughts and prayers are with those out on their own and with our loved ones with whom we’ve lost contact. Now, more than ever, we must support each other and remember none of us are so different. Don’t let house affiliation stand in the way.” The Headmaster eyed the Gryffindor table and found Lily. He didn’t break her gaze as he went on. “Last year, some of your peers started what so many others failed to do, building a network of support and cooperation for those in need without regard for their background. It is my sincere hope that these people carry on—set an example of understanding, acceptance and friendship among the houses and age groups here at Hogwarts.” Dumbledore’s gaze moved on. “Let’s proceed with the Sorting Ceremony—though I would like to see all houses welcome every one of our new students, not matter which house they’re sorted into. Thank you.” He sat to hesitant applause.

Most students appeared not to know what to think of the Headmaster’s speech, but they tried to comply.

“Getting sentimental this year, isn’t he?” James whispered behind one hand.

“Call me silly,” Lily whispered back, “but I think he was talking about us.”

“Really?” said James.

Remus leaned closer. “Sounded a lot like the Life Defenders to me. That bit about support and cooperation for those in need without regards to background. And he stared at us the _whole_ time.”

“You think he knew all along?” said Sirius.

“Somehow, I wouldn’t find that too surprising,” James said.

“Say what you want, but he’s pretty perceptive,” Lily agreed. She kept to herself the fact that he’d kept his eyes mostly on _her_. Somehow, he must know she was the Defenders’ unofficial leader—well, her and Regulus. The others helped, but she and Reg did most of the work, made the big decisions. “At least he seems happy about it.”

One of the professors placed the Sorting Hat on a stool at the front of the Hall. Its brim opened wide as it began to sing.

  
  


_This tale I sing, now listen well,_

_The story of how a dark wizard fell._

_In the darkest of nights strength will prevail,_

_Since true heroes can rise only after they fail._

_Baldrick, a wizard so strong and smart,_

_He thought his weakness was to be his heart._

_But it was his arrogance that was his greatest foe._

_The fair maiden who had hurt him so,_

  
  


_He saw her and knew he had to make her his own._

_Even if it was to make her a slave, as long as she would sit by his throne._

_Now he thought she was his! But it wasn't so._

_In body perhaps, but her heart was her own._

  
  


_A young servant saw her bound to the chair,_

_And at once he lost his heart to the lady fair._

_But instead of wooing her with gold and power,_

_He gave her his love, which was enough for the precious flower._

  
  


_The two ran away, evoking Baldrick's absolute wrath._

_He sent hordes of monsters to track down the lovers’ path._

_The two were caught and brought back in_

_To face the grandest wizard that had ever been._

  
  


_Sir Baldrick had never before faced defeat._

_Yet standing there, his heart in a double beat,_

_And ready to kill, punish them for their flight,_

_He found he could not, although he had a right._

  
  


_In that single moment Baldrick found it was something he could not do._

_He hated his weakness and cursed what was true._

_Until receiving a kiss from the maiden for being so kind,_

_And that moment, he was happy to have changed his mind._

  
  


_After that day there was a grand feast._

_Baldrick did not miss his arrogance in the least._

_His people were now appreciated and treated well,_

_Since he was loved and happier than he could tell._

  
  


_The moral of this tale, just listen a bit longer,_

_Is that mistakes must be made to get stronger._

_Love is your power, not your flaw._

_It makes life full by the unwritten law._

  
  


_People can change and they can be kind,_

_If they let their heart guide their mind._

_Don't be arrogant and don't hold a grudge._

_And you can never love too much._

  
  


The unconventional song gave everyone, including Lily, pause, but the moment it ended, she joined in the enthusiastic ovation.

“What a weird piece of… of…” Sirius couldn’t label it. “That was absolutely pointless!”

“ _I_ think it was beautiful,” said Lily and propped an elbow on the table.

The Sorting Ceremony went mostly without disturbance. When the Marauders joined the applause for each new student—regardless of house—their fellow Griffyndors eyed the boys like they’d become demented parakeets, spouting nonsense. But with their lead, others soon followed, which forced Slytherin to join too since they didn’t want to appear rude.

The nine remaining Slytherin Defenders were just as sullen and displeased as most of their peers—especially Jugson, who now sat with Avery and Mulciber, her previous alliance with the Defenders now broken.

Crouch watched each Defender with an evil glint of glee. Reg sat far too close to Crouch for his liking and tensed every time the little imp looked his way.

Once the last new student was sorted, Dumbledore stood again. “Thank you. Before we begin our opening feast, I have some announcements. To fill the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts this year is veteran Auror, Professor John Dawlish. Please welcome him to Hogwarts.”

The students and other teachers clapped politely.

“How do you think this one’ll be?” Sirius scraped dirt from under one fingernail.

“He’s capable,” said James. “Dad worked with him—says he’s punctual, orderly. There’re never any bumps in the road with Dawlish. He always gets his work done.”

“Maybe we have a chance to pass our Defence N.E.W.T.s this year,” said Lily. “We could’ve done a lot worse.”

“She’s right,” said Remus. “You should count yourself lucky, Mr. Auror wannabe.”

Sirius propped an elbow on Remus’ shoulder. “Stop making good points, Moony. It’s annoying.”

Before he announced the start of the feast, Dumbledore finished his announcements, gave the usual warning about the Forbidden Forest, and named a few new things added to Filch’s list of objects banned on school grounds.

“Finally. About time!” Sirius rubbed together eager hands as mountains of food were served, but he took a second to wink at a group of nearby girls before digging in.

 _How does he pay attention to half the school’s female population? And while he’s stuffing himself?_ Lily neatly took her own first bite.

Bertha, sitting in the same direction as the girls Sirius winked at, stared at him with big, admiring brown eyes. _She’s nice enough—not the brightest bulb in the box, but I guess it’s okay._

As if he could read her thoughts Remus muttered, “You weren’t much better last year, you know.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lily challenged.

“You spent almost four months making eyes at Severus. You girls and your—”

Lily plucked an unmistakable, bright orange hair from Remus’ cloak and dangled it in his face as a blush crept up Remus’ neck.

“Nevermind. This love thing and who has a crush on who is too complicated.”

Lily grinned, knowing she’d instantly turned his thoughts to Lucy. “Good to know you can tell for yourself how it feels.”

“It’s what I get for trying to be smart, isn’t it?” said Remus.

“No. For being smart with a _woman_.” Lily dropped the hair back on Remus’ clothes and ate her dinner without any more interruptions from Remus.

* * *

“Stupid kids,” James muttered once he finally made it to the Gryffindor common room. The wide-eyed first years walked slower than snails in salt. And forget the trip through the portrait hole. That had taken the better part of twenty minutes as the little gawkers kept wanting to talk to it and asking how it worked.

“At least try to be nice,” said Lily. “You were a first year once too.”

“And I put a sign on our prefect’s back that said, ‘kick me.’”

“Afraid your sins will come back to haunt you?” Lily smiled too sweetly.

“Not just afraid of it. That’s what’s happening! Every little thing’s come ‘round to bite me in the rear. It’s annoying. I get it. I was a prat! Can all this stop now?”

“If you’ve learned from it, then it’s a job well done. Remember the song, ‘mistakes must be made to get stronger’?”

James awarded her a glare interrupted by a yawn. “Night, Lily. See you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, James.” Lily took the stairs to her dorm.

When James got to his room, Remus and Sirius were already in bed, but Peter scurried around his corner like a restless marble.

“So… Wormy… how was your summer?” James ventured.

Peter stiffened but ignored him.

“Moony’s been trying for an hour,” said Sirius.

“This is ridiculous. You can’t ignore us forever. We share a dorm!” James tromped over to his own bed.

“He can try,” Sirius said loudly, the comment clearly aimed at Peter.

James faced Peter’s corner. “I’m sorry we didn’t take better care of you last March, and I’m sorry we sent you in alone. We shouldn’t have. We should’ve stuck together.”

“And you think that’s all?” Peter whirled on James. “Ever since we started school, how much of a say have I had? None! You drag me along, whether I want to go or not. I didn’t want to be there, that night, Prongs! But did you ask? No!” His pale face flushed several shades of red. “I saw them almost kill you. I saw—I saw them kill _her_! Then those flames broke out, and I was only this big.” He held his hands about fourteen inches apart. “Do you know what it means to be that small? People can step on you—break your _spine_ —or squeeze you to death or throw you across the room. Do you know how often you’ve almost crushed me in your stag form because you didn’t look where you were going? Or how often Remus nearly ate me? Anyone in that mansion could’ve killed me on accident, and the fire was everywhere, so I couldn’t get out! I was trapped in a corner while people ran around screaming and the flames closed in!” Peter’s breathing grew ragged, but he kept going.

“I couldn’t change into human form. They’d have killed me on sight. Not to mention I’d only have been in your way, since I’m not your equal! I’m just pathetic little Peter who always tags behind you because of the benefits—and because it’s better than being on my own. But I was never of any use to you other than making you look good, and you _knew_ that! We all knew that from day one. When we went to the mansion, I was so scared, I thought I’d lose my wits, and once I got out—after seeing all that—and being alone out there—I wanted to curl up and cry. I was sure you were dead! _I_ nearly died, and I don’t want to die! I don’t—don’t want… to die…”

 _Didn’t know he had it in him._ James didn’t retreat, but he didn’t come any closer to Peter either. _He actually stood up for himself. But he seems just as shocked as me._ “If you really felt this way, you should’ve said something. We would’ve listened.”

Peter snorted. “Right. You never did before.”

“And you never complained before,” said Sirius. “We didn’t mean it to be that way.”

With a quick glance, James signaled Sirius to shut up, but Peter rummaged in his trunk again as if the whole exchange never happened.

 _Guess my past sins_ did _come back to bite me… Did I ever consider Peter’s feelings before? I suppose… I didn’t._ James and the rest of the Marauders neglected Peter. And leaving him trapped in a burning house full of Death Eaters? That was the last straw. It forced Peter to grow a spine and use it for the first time in his life. _Maybe… it was the best thing that could’ve happened to him. Irony is cruel…_ “Peter, I’m sorry—really sorry,” said James. “For everything. And if you’ll give us another chance, I promise, we’ll listen. We won’t brush you off anymore. We’re not kids, after all.”

Peter climbed into bed and pulled the covers over his head.

Remus looked mortified but said, “Peter… You won’t ever need to spend another full moon with the wolf. I promise.”

Peter threw off his blanket. “It’s not that I didn’t want to do it, Remus. I… For once I could do something—something useful. It made me… happy. I’m glad I could do something useful, even if it was just pressing that knot on the Whomping Willow to let us all into that shabby old house. But it would’ve been nice to be asked if I wanted to in the first place.”

Sirius’ face echoed the guilt James knew covered his own. “Please, just give us another chance.”

With a long sigh, Peter faced the window, silent. Outside, the soon-to-be full moon hovered. The next instant, a small rat sprawled on Peter’s bed, making further conversation improbable.

“For what it’s worth… I’m sorry too,” said Sirius. “I’m horrible at paying attention to people.”

Peter burrowed under the blanket.

“You’re not as weak as you think,” Remus offered. “Look at what you’ve accomplished. You’re an Animagus. That takes more than just a little skill!”

“And you’re a Gryffindor,” James added. “The Hat doesn’t sort people without reason. My dad told me something once, before heading out on another mission. Bravery isn’t not being afraid and being afraid isn’t weakness. Bravery is admitting your fear and doing what needs to be done, anyway. Thanks… for being straight with us. That was quite brave of you. And, Pete…? You’re still our friend, you know.”

Peter, still a rat, didn’t even twitch.

  
  



	6. Discord

Regulus started out the Great Hall door, breakfast uneaten.

"Where do you think you're going?" Sirius planted himself in Reg's path.

"Getting some air before classes start."

"What did I say last term?" Sirius didn't back off despite Reg's venomous glare. At least he hadn't resorted to hitting or shouting this time. "You're _not_ skipping meals. I can't have you walking around looking like a skeleton. It's not fashionable."

Regulus' glower didn't dissipate.

"Come on, Reg… I mean it. If I have to make sure you eat, I will." Sirius hauled Regulus to the Marauders' spot at the Gryffindor table – much to Regulus' dismay – but he didn't protest.

* * *

Regulus had always wanted to be included, but now he wasn't so sure. The price was too high – not to mention the stares from the rest of the Gryffindor table. To avoid further humiliation, he buttered some toast. _Why does he have to treat me like I can't take care of myself? Siri always does this! I'm fine. I wish everyone could see that…_

* * *

Lily sat beside James, far enough away from Reg to watch him eat without being noticed. He still chewed the same bite he'd taken two minutes ago – if the nibble off the corner of his toast qualified as a bite.

 _We're back – just like the end of last term. But if we don't take care of R_ _e_ _gulus, who will?_ His clothes bagged more than they should have, and his thin fingers picked at two bacon strips Sirius dumped on his plate.

"Regulus!" With a grin, Diane Diggory whisked over from the Slytherin table. She tucked neat, short hair behind her ears. "How are you people? Reg, first Quidditch practice next Friday. Don't forget. I need my Seeker to be sharp on, and tryouts are in three weeks, so keep an eye out for a good Beater."

As captain of the Slytherin team, Diane kept Reg's spirits up most of last year. When Lily asked her about it, Diane had said she couldn't let her star player drop out, or, Merlin forbid, not catch the Snitch during the match.

"Are the Life Defenders still on?" said Diane. "I assumed they were and didn't schedule practice on Thursdays."

Lily nodded. "We'll start this week. Would you spread the word?"

"To those still interested." She flashed a crooked smile. "Slytherin's got a bit of a civil war right now."

Since Penelope's death, Slytherin's internal state turned volatile. Many grieved, but others raged, disgusted to discover Penelope was muggleborn. Half the house determined to defy Voldemort to avenge Penelope, support her ideals, and confirm Severus Snape as their role model. The other half clung to Voldemort's ideology – feeling they'd been duped by a muggleborn.

"That bad?" James looked up from his breakfast.

"We're lucky a few of the armchairs in the common room escaped unharmed." Diane snatched the piece of bacon off James' plate and bit off half of it.

"Hey! That was mine!" James protested.

"Take another one from the serving plate." She pointed at the silver platter filled with bacon and licked her fingers clean.

"Why didn't _you_ take one from there?"

"Yours was closer. Plus, you need to stay thin to be a good Quidditch player, Potter. Gain any more weight and your broom will drag. Unless you want to switch to being a Beater, then eat as much as you want. But you wouldn't want to lose those pretty boy looks of yours, now would you?"

James looked his skinny frame over in disbelief.

"At least we know the wheat from the chaff." Lily pulled the conversation back to the Life Defenders before the argument spiraled. "Within Slytherin, I mean."

James took another slice of bacon. "The younger Slytherins are so taken with Severus they've discarded any thought of joining Voldemort. The older ones either saw the light… or not… No offense, Diggory."

"As if I could ever take offense from a twerp like you, Potter." Diane tapped James' badge. "What's that? You made Head Boy? Congratulations. But don't think I'll go easy on you on the Quidditch field because of it."

"Please," James snorted. "My team will stomp yours into the ground."

"In your dreams," said Diane. "Your Chasers are pretty good, and the Keeper could be worse…"

"Hey!" Sirius raised his fork – a piece of fried egg still attached.

"But with such a lousy Seeker, and my star still on hand," Diane clapped Reg's shoulder, almost shoving him into his plate, "your team doesn't stand a chance."

Spots of ire colored James' cheeks. "No way!"

"Whatever you say," Diane waved over her shoulder as she walked away. "Remember to stay clear of the bacon, Potter. It isn't good for you."

"Of all the nerve," James growled. He started to bite into his bacon but stopped to give it a suspicious look before throwing it back on his plate with a grunt. "Our team's _way_ better than hers. She's just afraid of us. And I can afford to eat bacon!" He looked to Sirius. "Right?"

"Guys and their Quidditch." Lily shook her head. At least Reg seemed to have found his appetite – not that Sirius or James noticed. They were too busy talking Quidditch tactics, and with the Slytherin Seeker right next to them. _Boys will always be boys._

An owl carrying the morning paper landed in Remus' cereal.

"Merlin!" Remus spluttered as he wiped milk off his face. "At least try to aim," he growled at the owl as the bird held out a leg to receive his payment. Remus gave him a Knut and retrieved his sopping paper. With a flick of his wand, it was crisp and dry again.

"Why read that?" said Sirius. "It's so boring."

"Considering the current political climate, I'm surprised you think that," Remus shot back.

"I'll be the first to take it off your hands when you're done." Lily took a sip of her water.

"As usual." Remus unfolded the paper and froze. "I… think it might take a while before I'm done."

"What does it say?" Lily scooted her chair closer to peer over the edge of the paper.

"Yeah, Moony," James joked, "what does it say?" He snatched the paper away and paled.

"What? What is it?" Lily said.

James licked his lips, like he always did when nervous. "Nothing important. Not worth reading. Pure hogwash."

Reg exploited James' shock and snapped up the paper. "Like you could even try to hide that from her." He glanced from the paper to Lily. "It'll be all over school before breakfast's over."

"What. Is. It?" Lily insisted.

"Here." Sirius took the paper and handed it to Lily. "Happy now, Reg?"

Regulus awarded his brother a sullen glare.

An unflattering picture of Severus followed by a long article stopped her heart. "Oh, Merlin…" She skimmed the first few sentences. Words like "wanted," and "dark wizard" leaped at her like snapping wolves. It described Severus as "an ardent follower of Voldemort."

"Ironically enough," said James, "had that article come out a year ago, I'd have believed it."

"Me too…" She let the paper flop over her half-finished breakfast. "But he's changed for the better."

"Death Eaters must've gotten to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement – at least part of it," Sirius groaned.

"Hopefully not anyone important," said Lily. "The question now is, what's Sev going to do? A small inconvenience like this won't stop him."

"Let's hope he's good at disguises," said James.

"He must be. It would explain why we didn't see him at Diagon Alley. He was there, but in disguise."

"You mean you don't know if he's good at disguises?" said James.

"There're hundreds of things about him I don't know," Lily snapped. "Mostly what he can or can't do. But he's capable of a lot. That much I _do_ know."

A few minutes passed in silence as Lily deliberately folded the paper into a square and shoved it under her plate with a quiet crinkle not a moment before Professor McGonagall handed them their schedules for the year. She raised a brow at Regulus but gave Lily an approving smile, though her usual stern demeanor returned when she handed the boys their schedules.

Remus appeared pleased with his schedule. "Nothing for me Monday morning."

Lily had Potions right after breakfast.

"But you've got a tough Tuesday," Sirius tapped Remus' paper. "Looks like we'll have to wait until Thursday to check out Dawlish."

"You, maybe." Reg smirked and held up his schedule, freshly delivered by Slughorn on his way to the Slytherin table. "I'm heading there first thing today." At all the interested looks from the Marauders, Reg shut up and dug back into his breakfast.

* * *

When Regulus was done eating, he joined Diane and Jonas – the two other Slytherin Life Defenders in his own year – as they headed for Defence.

Just before the trio reached the classroom, Lucy came skipping down the corridor, just as messy and flustered as ever. She stopped so abruptly she fell right on her bum, and scrambled up before anyone could blink.

"You okay there?" Reg said.

Lucy blushed but nodded. "Aye. Never better."

"You sure?"

Lucy gave him a fake grin, swallowed, and marched into class, head held high.

"That was odd," Regulus said to Diane.

"Everything about that girl is odd, so, no surprise there."

Reg found a seat near the middle of the rapidly filling classroom. He'd hoped to have a table to himself, but Lucy joined him a moment later.

"Ya mind?" Lucy said nervously. "Everywhere else is taken."

Regulus gave her a short nod and received a genuinely appreciative smile, but once Lucy settled in, the cheerful facade slipped. A haunted look – the one that plagued her in weak moments, when she thought no one was watching – broke through. Had anyone else noticed? _She's not okay. That's got to be the reason for the baggy robes. We're stuck in the same leaky boat, her and me. She'll have to bend, or she'll break._

Lucy spoke first. "Are ya happy to be back?"

"It's fine."

Her fingers drummed an awkward beat. "Weather's nice, isn't it?"

"It is." _This isn't going to work. We have nothing in common._ Relief came when Dawlish marched in, back straight as a flagpole. He closed the door with a firm jerk and took stock of the full class.

"So, you're my N.E.W.T. students," said Dawlish on his way to the front. "I decided to accept students who scored an Acceptable or higher on their O.W.L.s, but only because of the troubled times we face. Everyone should be able to defend themselves. However," he faced the class, "I also expect everyone to work hard and do their best. Be diligent and you can expect to pass, but slack off, and you'll be out of here faster than you can blink. Basic Defence should be imprinted on the inside of your skulls by now, considering the advanced level of this class and current affairs."

Dawlish toured the room. "Whether you're a pretty girl," he glanced at one dark-skinned Ravenclaw, "or a tomboy outsider who hates their family," he looked at Diane. "Or a bit on the heavy side," his attention shifted to a Hufflepuff boy. "It doesn't matter to the dangers that lurk behind every corner." He pointed to the paintings lining the walls. They showed the effects of various curses.

Reg studied the images in fascination – and missed Dawlish's approach. But when the new professor leaned close – too close – Reg pushed his chair back a few inches. So did Lucy.

"Whether you're of fine, old blood, used to silver spooks, dark magic and superior manners, or a dirty farm girl with troll blood in her veins." Dawlish's rough laugh filled the room. "Though there's some potential here. Two total opposites sitting side by side but looking like a team. Very good indeed! Class," he straightened and stepped away from Regulus' and Lucy's table, "as an Auror, it's important to be able to cooperate with the most unlikely people. Your partner must compliment you or you'll be of no use to each other – even though the risk of a clash is greater."

Dawlish started back to the front. "It takes training and patience to work together peacefully. But to become stronger, you must cooperate with people who least resemble you. Not everyone is capable of that. It takes great maturity to realize you aren't always right." He slipped behind his desk. "Let's see how capable you are. How many of you can do a Stunner on reflex?"

Reg slowly raised his hand along with Lucy and the other three Life Defenders.

"Deflection?"

Everyone raised their hand.

"Shielding Charm?"

All hands stayed up.

"All right. Show me. Up with you, and – Wait. Who can do more than four defensive spells on reflex?"

Only the Life Defenders raised their hands, and even they were hesitant.

Dawlish eyed the five. "You'll have to show me by the end of class."

"Think we're up to his standards?" Reg whispered to Lucy.

Lucy shook her head. "We're Manticore food."

Over the next hour, Dawlish drilled them. He complained about everything – "not powerful enough," "do it nonverbally," "stand straight," "be ready to dodge" – nothing was good enough for him.

Regulus didn't even earn an acknowledgement when he combusted a chair on command. _Why does he have to be so rough? He doesn't appreciate any of our hard work. I did well! I know I did! Why can't he just give me that much?_

By lunchtime, Reg's frustration still boiled as he stomped toward the Great Hall, but when he noticed Sirius, he quickly left so his brother wouldn't drag him to the Gryffindor table to be spoon-fed. _I'm sick of his mothering!_ If he was honest with himself, Regulus didn't know Sirius at all. His brother had doted on him since last March but acted like a brain-dead goofball the rest of the time. And yet…

The summer holiday had been strange. It felt like another world with that house so warm and welcoming, the unconditional friendship between the Marauders. Sirius wasn't mad, sullen or gloomy and without their mother to yell at or fight with…

Until last year Reg ignored Sirius, and his brother was content to do the same. The few glimpses Reg got of Sirius made his older brother seem a menacing bully, an arrogant showoff. It was like Sirius had two sides, so different even Regulus had trouble figuring out which person his brother was.

This new life, without the finery and propriety, felt strange but good, even if his old life still rooted deep within him. Manners were always his greatest resort in difficult situations. Now that they'd been taken from him, he felt exposed.

But the curse of knowing he wouldn't be where he was now if Voldemort hadn't murdered Penelope… it weighed, stole his appetite. The price for his new life… was far too high.

* * *

This was the same room the Life Defenders always used – the one Severus found for Penelope. Wasn't it? How could this have begun so long ago…?

Lily stood near the front of the room with Remus. She and Reg were now the unofficial engine of the group, and Lily regarded their responsibility with great pride.

Life Defenders trickled in, Regulus one of the first. He stood near Lily. "Hey," he muttered. "You… doing good?"

"Great." Lily offered a weak smile. "And ready to start." Even she knew her confidence level lacked.

James and Sirius arrived as Lily began a head count. _Not everyone from last year's here._ Some students left, some decided not to come to the meeting, and some had been fan girls vying for the Marauders' attention. _Eight Slytherins, five Gryffindors including me, five Hufflepuffs counting the three fawners in the corner, and four Ravenclaws – two more droolers there._

 _Right._ Lily began the meeting. "Good to see so many made it, and good to see new faces." She gave the fan girls an insincere smile. "Since this is our first meeting of the year and we have new people, let's spend today talking and getting to know each other. This group was created for different people to get better acquainted and learn to accept and respect each other. That's what we do here." She looked pointedly at the girls gawking at James and co. So far, they'd done a good job of avoiding the Slytherins.

"It's important to know we have someone to rely on within the school, no matter their house. We all know people out there in danger. Many of us have already lost someone… And that's why we need to stand together – be there for each other. Let's introduce ourselves and say something about our situation to start building trust with each other."

The door squeaked open and in walked Barty Crouch Jr., hair slicked, grin wide, blue eyes as crazed as ever. "Good evening."

Reg glared through narrowed eyes. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I just wanted a place to fit in. I heard this was an open club and decided to drop by." Crouch feigned innocence.

All exchanged wary looks.

"Of – of course," Lily managed. "We were just about to start. Please, take a seat."

Crouch sat right beside Regulus, to Reg's great dismay and Crouch's delight.

Lily fumbled but tried to keep on track. "As I said, let's introduce ourselves and say something about who we are and what our situation is in the war." _I'm so bad at this… but here it goes._ "My name is Lily Evans. My parents are muggles and they're on the run. For their safety, I don't know where they are, and I don't know where my boyfriend is – only that he's out there fighting, and I want to join him as well-prepared as possible." She sat and nodded to James.

"I'm James Potter," he said as he stood. "My dad's an Auror, and that makes me and my mum targets. She does her best to stay safe while she's at work, but you never know. I also have a friend out there on his own, someone I owe a lot and want to help. I'd do anything in my power to ensure my friends' and family's safety."

Sirius took the floor. "Sirius Black. All my friends are targets – highly wanted targets. They're constantly in danger, and I want to do my part to protect them." He sat, expecting Lucy to pick up, but she stared at the ceiling. "Lucy?" He nudged her. "Carrot?" He snapped his fingers in her face. "Say something, Carrot!" He looked concerned.

"Gnarling… slubberworm sauce…"

"That's nice, Lucy, but it's your turn. Unless you don't want to say anything."

"Huh? Oh! Yes, I… Ahem. Me – me dad is – He's –" Lucy almost fell back into her blank stare.

"It's okay. You don't have to," Remus said.

Lucy's eyes darkened and her voice fell two octaves. "He's dead. Like Penelope. They killed them. _They killed them_!" She held her head in her hands. "Those horrible people! I want them to pay! I'm not scared. I'm _not_!" she hissed into clenched fists.

"Hey…" Lily scooted next to Penelope and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "We're all scared. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Lucy deflated. "I'm sorry… please forget it…"

Regulus took over. "I'm Regulus Black, and I think we're forgetting something – namely saying what we're up against and why. Once, I thought I'd join You-Know-Who sooner or later. I thought what Severus said about him was hogwash. I didn't realize he was right until it was almost too late. You-Know-Who is evil. The lengths he'd go to reach a goal, no matter how pointless… He doesn't have any real power. He can't offer his followers anything substantial. He kills people just because he can – because he doesn't feel anything! I found that out the hard way – by seeing him enjoy killing, enjoy torturing his followers. The ones who fear him the most are his closest servants. What kind of lord is that?" Reg sat. "I'm done."

"Touching," Crouch simpered. "Really. I mean it. It touches me right here." He laid a hand over his poisoned heart. "You touch me so much it changes everything!" His smile grew sadistic. "Just look at you all. So close." He clapped once and focused on Lily. "It's so inspiring. The targeted muggleborn pines over her lost boyfriend."

Lily bristled, but held back any reaction, determined to be the better person.

"The wealthy boy worried about Mummy and Daddy." Crouch faced James. "I can so feel that, you know. Dearest Daddy is in a similar position, after all. Tsk, tsk. He risks so much for the greater good every minute of every day. It's so horrible!"

Nothing in Crouch's tone indicated sincerity – only unnerving madness. "He's actually doing something instead of sitting here sharing sob stories. But what else can you do," he eyed Sirius, "when your family's disowned you? But you still worry so much because you have such a big heart." Crouch's grin spread so wide Lily thought it might split his face. "I think my own heart grew three times hearing little Carrot missing her mummy and daddy. But she's brave. Not scared at all. I'm sure she doesn't have problems with nightmares and has no need to prove herself to all these good friends who would never hide anything important from her. Now would they?" Crouch's mad gaze turned on Remus. "But then again, would it all still hold together if a dirty secret escaped?"

"Stop it!" Lily growled. "You can't just sit here and insult us."

"I don't see how I am. I'm just saying what a magnificent assembly you are."

Lily wanted to object, but found little reason to throw him out. No one had been thrown out of the Life Defenders before. It wasn't the nature of the club. _What do I do?_

"And Reggy, little brother Reggy, how you've grown," Crouch went on. "That speech – magnificent! So nice of you to care about little innocent muggleborns, though I must ask myself, if the Dark Lord has no real power, then why is that little flower over there so scared?" He pointed to a girl cowering behind two other students. "Why are you all determined to become stronger in the futile hope that you may defy him? He _is_ strong," Crouch's expression became reverent, "and growing stronger every day while those who fight him grow weaker. So much power…" The glint returned to Crouch's eyes. Lily knew that glint. Severus had it once – that greed, the lust for power – it was the one thing that scared her most. "It's only logical that if you join him, you'll become stronger too. Why would you be so afraid of being close to power?"

" _Out_!" Lily stood and pointed to the door. "We don't speak of Voldemort fondly in here. He murdered the founder of this club, and we fight in her honor, so, out with you!"

Crouch batted big blue eyes, like a toddler caught with candy. "I still don't see what I did wrong."

"I said, _GET OUT_!"

Crouch raised a brow.

 _That's it._ Lily pulled Crouch off the floor. "Get out. Right now," she sneered into his face, "and don't come back if you can't behave."

"Better do as she says." James took Crouch's other arm as Regulus and Remus stood to ensure the boy found the door. "You don't want to be on her bad side. Trust me. I speak from experience."

Crouch smirked and twisted out of Lily's and James' grip. "You could've asked _nicely_ if you didn't want me here. See? I'm going, and I'm behaving. I really think that was uncalled for, Miss Evans." Crouch closed the door without so much as a squeak.

"That," Sirius whispered, "was the creepiest thing I've ever seen."

"Who _was_ that?" said James. "That kid isn't right. And he's up to something."

Several others murmured agreement.

"He's in my dorm," offered Matthew Flint from the other side of the room. "And… yeah… he's not right in the head… We're the same year as… Penelope was. When she died, he…" Matt swallowed hard. "He seemed… happy about it. Woke us up in the middle of the night to jeer and taunt. Thanks for throwing him out," he said to Lily. "He was way out of line."

"Nobody thinks I'm blaming Slytherin as a house?" Lily said, concerned. "Because I don't mean to."

Diane shook her head. "We're at war in our own house. Everyone from Slytherin against You-Know-Who is in this room. Crouch obviously doesn't belong to that category."

"He wanted to mess with our heads," said Regulus.

"Let's continue, shall we?" Lily sat beside James and smiled encouragingly at the Hufflepuff girl next in line. "Your turn."

The girl's kind face, curly brown hair and orange-gold eyes seemed familiar. "I'm Leila Dickinson."

"Oh, David's sister!" Lily said. "He mentioned you wanted to join at some point. Where is he?"

"Dead."

Stunned silence.

Leila's eyes clouded with emotion. "Both our parents are muggles. Death Eaters found us over the holiday."

Another Hufflepuff girl hugged Leila. "It's okay, we won't make fun of you."

Many looked away, scared and uncomfortable.

"Let's do something else," said Lily. "I'm not nearly as good at this as Penelope was, and it's starting to get awkward."

"Why don't we practice the Shielding Charm?" Reg stood. "Come on, people. Let's get down to it."

Everyone scrambled into position; the newcomers followed along.

Lily took her position opposite one new girl. _How did Pen and Sev make this look so easy? They were the perfect team. Pen took care of the social part, challenging people to come out of their shell – not to mention the Slytherin slyness to sometimes trick them into opening up. Sev was the perfect instructor. He knew every Defence spell. He had such power and passion – and inspired everyone to do their best. The younger Slytherins devoured his every word. They_ admired _him. If only one of them were here, this would go a lot smoother. But there's nothing for it… I've got to keep this running. I_ have _to._

* * *

Later, Lily sat in the common room frowning over her Potions homework. According to what Sev told her, what was written in the book about the moon stone was wrong. But she couldn't remember what he'd said it really did. _Maybe I should just write what the book says and get it over with. That's probably what Slughorn wants, anyway._ But there was a big difference between brewing a potion and following a recipe. Any idiot could follow directions, but few became true Potions Masters.

Lily huffed. _Spent too much time around Sev last year. But, dear Merlin, how I miss him!_

An owl landed on the coffee table. She purred, demanding attention. Lily almost missed catching the parchments the owl delivered before they scattered as Mona pushed against Lily's hand. "You're impossible, silly bird. Tomorrow you'll have to make another delivery to my family, so you should rest."

Mona clicked in delight.

"Happy for an excuse to see your mate?" Lily smiled sadly. "At least he's bloody bound to you…" She checked to make sure no one heard her, but James and Sirius hunched over their own Potions essays while Remus worked on Care of Magical Creatures on the couch across from Lily.

"I have a bad feeling about that Barty Crouch fellow." James looked up from his essay.

"We all have a bad feeling about that creep, mate," said Sirius.

Lily didn't know what to add, so she kept quiet.

"No. I mean, I think he's planning something – something to do with You-Know-Who," said James.

"The same thing Severus was planning _last_ year?" said Remus, skeptical. "Prongs, you really should learn not to assume."

"But Severus _was_ up to something," James said. "Just not what I thought. His intentions were good. I don't think we could say the same for Crouch."

"I agree," said Lily as she gave Mona another pat. "I think he's actively working for Voldemort."

James and Sirius seemed surprised. "Really? But –"

"I know," she said. "He's still in school, but there's no denying he's up to serious mischief – _really_ serious."

"I think so too," said Remus. "Sorry, James. I just wanted to make a point, but we saw him in Diagon Alley. He's in league with Death Eaters. That's enough reason to keep an eye on him."

"Death Eaters?" James sat straight. Sirius too.

"Right. We never told you," Lily groaned. "In Diagon Alley… he was with a man called Rookwood. Regulus recognized him as a Death Eater. Crouch and Rookwood were the ones who discovered us."

"And you didn't think that was important?"

"I forgot!" Lily huffed. "Merlin, James, we were being chased by Death Eaters, and Sev was obviously there!"

"Sorry," Remus seemed embarrassed at the lapse too. "Guess my mind was on other stuff."

"That's not like you, Moony," said Sirius.

"I saw Fenrir Greyback for the first time since… you know…" Remus said. "So, _forgive_ me if I was a little _distracted._ "

"He was the one who… bit you?" Lily said.

Remus nodded. "He targets little kids. Waits outside the house for a day, and when the full moon rises, he charges in and… If the kids survive the next few years, he collects them. Calls them his 'children.'" Remus looked away. "Can we not talk about this?"

"Sure… Sorry, Moony." James fiddled with the corner of his essay. "In any case, that Crouch is in league with Death Eaters makes him a lot more dangerous."

Sirius adjusted his robes three times as he said, "I hate to ask, but… what do you think the chances are that he's… already marked?"

"He's only fifteen," Remus frowned. "Who makes a fifteen-year-old a Death Eater?"

Lily snorted. "An evil madman, maybe? I'm pretty sure he'd have marked Regulus last March if Reg had gone through with it. And Crouch isn't just any fifteen-year-old. He's mad, and his father is Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. You told me. Remember?"

"How barking mad is this?" James ruffled his hair.

"But logical," Sirius added. "Think about it. If he's a Death Eater and his father is Head of the Department, it explains how the Death Eaters got such a grip on it."

"You're right," said Lily.

James cast her a calculating glance. "I didn't know you were the rash type."

"Mum always said I get in trouble because I never think things through."

"So, we all agree to keep an eye on him?" said James.

Lily nodded. "And you're not sneaking around without me."

"Never in my life would I have thought I'd hear you say that." James chuckled.

"Shush, you," Lily grumbled. "And I mean it. I don't want to sit around doing nothing."

"That's part of being a Marauder. But I'm afraid there's nothing to do right now and this essay's due tomorrow."

"Like you'd care about that." Sirius grinned, though his own essay was almost finished.

"It's the deal if you want to be accepted at the Aurors', Pads." James flipped the page over.

* * *

Just before curfew, Remus took a walk outside. The almost full moon hung overhead, and the bitter taste of Wolfsbane Potion lingered on his tongue. But it was still a blessing.

The conversation from earlier returned. _Greyback…_ Remus stopped, shut his eyes. _I was_ five _! Five! He burst into my home and… Mum screamed. Dad drew his wand, tried to fend him off…_ But his father was too late. Greyback had Remus in his jaws. In that instant, he was terrified he'd die. Had he known the even crueler fate awaiting him…

His mother had held him tight, sobbed so loudly as she almost crushed the life out of him. Back then, Remus hadn't understood what happened, or why his mother cried so hard. But now…

Soft footsteps thumped in the grass ahead.

Remus discovered he stood on the edge of the Forbidden Forest, a line students weren't permitted to cross. _Who's out here?_

Lucy had a buetroll perched on her arm. "Remus?" The buetroll jumped, startled and scratched Lucy's face. "Auch!"

Remus hurried over. "You okay?"

"Ow…" Lucy held her cheek, the buetroll long gone. "It's just a scratch."

"Let me help." Remus took out his wand and cast a healing spell. The scratch vanished, leaving not so much as a scar.

"Thank you." She stared after the buetroll.

"What were you doing?"

"At me parents' farm, buetroll bark was one of the things we harvested. Me dad and I used to go out in the forest and harvest it together. This summer… no one did it. At least, I don't think so. Are you okay? Ya look… awful." Lucy stepped toward him. "What is it you're not tellin' me? You, Lily, James, Sirius. Please, Remus? I know ya don't like me the way I like you. That's okay. Ye don't have to. Ya can't force someone to like someone else."

Remus winced.

"I just want ta help! You're hurting, aren't ya? If there's something I can do… I know I'm not very smart. All I'm good for is helping at the farm. Still… If there's anything…"

Remus tried to ignore the ache in his chest – the effect of her words. "Sorry. It's not really…"

"Everyone's hurting so bad," said Lucy. "Lily, Regulus, you." Her eyes misted. "How can I help?"

"You want to go back to that farm, don't you? The farm you grew up on – with all the anthraxes and buetrolls and grindylows. It'd be great to see it one day. Concentrate on that. Make it through this so you can go back there safely."

Tears started down Lucy's cheeks.

"We should get back. It's almost curfew," Remus turned away. "It… was nice to see you."

"Remus!" Lucy grabbed his arm. "I… Whatever's bothering you. I hope it'll be all right. You – you're kind and sweet. Ya don't deserve ta be so troubled. Please, take care a yourself!"

"Yeah…" Remus muttered and hurried back to the castle, leaving Lucy standing in the trees, crying out pieces of her broken heart.


	7. Night of the Marauders

As Remus endured the last few hours before the full moon, the taste of rotted meat, old socks, mold and other things he didn't want to contemplate lingered—an after-effect of the Wolfsbane Potion. Though his mind would remain untouched by his transformation, the same gut-knotting fear still plagued him. Would he lose control this time? Wake up somewhere unfamiliar only to realize he'd done something terrible?

Professor McGonagall ushered him through Hogwarts' halls. Since Severus invented the potion, there was no need for Remus to endure his full moons cold, lonely and far from other humans in the Shrieking Shack—which now sat abandoned. Instead, a nice, warm room awaited him, hidden in the dungeons. There, he could remain locked away, and—if he was lucky—sleep through the transformation on the rug in front of the fireplace.

With all the terrible happenings, it didn't sit well with the teachers having him outside alone. Truth was, he never slept through a full moon. Every one had seen him exploring with his Animagi friends—though they'd all be beyond in trouble if McGonagall ever found out.

"Anything you need, Mr. Lupin?" said McGonagall as she opened the door for him. Every month since his first year, she'd asked the same question, and Remus always gave the same answer.

"No. Thank you, Professor." He smiled politely.

"Good luck. I'll see you in the morning." The same conversation every month. She was too intelligent to wish him good night. She locked the door from the inside and left with a stout click. Shame she didn't know the intruders were already in the room.

Remus' room could pass for good living quarters. A large fireplace hugged one wall and a thick rug sprawled in front of it—perfect for a large dog to nap on—though Remus refused to resort to that. An ordinary bed stood opposite the fireplace, accompanied by a table on which sat food and water. Tucked away on a bottom shelf, to protect his dignity, sat two dog bowls, should he choose to use them.

"Having fun?" Remus approached the farthest corner.

James dropped the invisibility cloak, revealing himself and Sirius. "You're always in such a good mood," James snorted.

Remus unbuttoned his shirt. "We are trying."

Sirius sat on the bed, feet swinging just off the floor. "What're we doing this fine full moon night?"

"Not running around the Forbidden Forest, that's for sure." Remus neatly folded his shirt and put it and his wand on the top shelf, out of reach of the wolf. "Remember the spiders we ran into before summer holiday? I think they're still sour over it."

"The castle then," said Sirius. "You know, we could—"

"We're _not_ scaring girls," Remus said.

"Whatever." Sirius pouted while James tried to hold in a chuckle.

As Remus tugged at his socks, quiet scratching drew his attention. "What's that?"

"What's wh—"

"Shh!" Remus waved Sirius quiet. "Sounds like… mice."

James drew his wand. "I hear it too."

As the sounds grew louder, Sirius drew his wand too. "Down there!" He pointed to the bottom shelf.

Both dog bowls rattled as a brown, furry snout poked between them, accompanied by long whiskers.

"Wormtail!" All three boys trumpeted.

The rat took stock of the room, skittering back and forth as if he couldn't decide which way to go.

"Let me help." James picked the rat up and grinned. "Oh man, mate, it's good to see you!"

Sirius laughed. "Scared us good, Wormy. I think you're learning."

James let go of the rat as it transformed into Peter, small and chubby, just like his Animagus form. Peter shuffled, nervous. "Hey."

Remus sat on the bed, still warm from Sirius' brief respite there. "Thanks for coming."

Peter brightened, but only for a moment, then his face turned wary as he faced James and Sirius.

"Same for us," said James. "You're okay?"

"Fine. You?" Those were the first civil words Peter said to them since the mansion—if you didn't count his outburst on the first day back at school.

"Considering everything that's going on, yeah, remarkably well," James said.

"Good." Peter nodded.

Sirius draped an arm around Peter's shoulder. "Good of you to have come around."

Now in only his underwear, Remus took the blanket from the bed and draped it around his bare shoulders, glad for the fire. He approached Peter like a child trying not to spook a stray pup. "We - _I'm_ happy you're here. Really." He cuffed Peter's chin in camaraderie. "Merlin, you really are a Gryffindor."

Peter attempted a smirk. "It's not like I'm not glad to be here."

"That's great." James closed the circle around Peter. "The original Marauders, together again, just like we should be."

"Original?" said Peter.

"Let's just say you've got some catching up to do," said James. "We'll fill you in later."

Peter took a step back, breaking the circle. "I'm coming back at full moon, but what I said still stands. I'm not a fighter."

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to," said James, and Sirius and Remus nodded agreement. "I promise, we won't take you anywhere without asking, and I'll respect what you have to say in the future."

At that, Peter no longer looked like a skittish pony, ready to bolt, and instead of leaving, he sat on the rug, right in front of the fireplace. Remus took the spot beside him, and James and Sirius lined up next to Remus, letting Peter be the center piece—probably for the first time.

As the next few hours crawled, prickling eased over Remus in short, subtle waves, but as the full moon drew closer, the subtlety waned. Even though his discomfort increased, the Wolfsbane Potion squelched the beastly urges—something he hadn't noticed the first time he took the potion since he was so worried Severus was trying to poison him. His hunger for red meat had disappeared too, which made him feel less a beast and more human.

Remus jerked, stiffened, and uttered a growl. He twisted in agony, and his three friends respectfully gave him distance. Each instant burned, seared like molten iron on new flesh. His body hated the form this transformation forced. Bones flexed, and fur sprouted. Teeth sharpened; nose stretched and rounded into a snout. Every thought was pain.

Then it was over.

Remus collapsed on the rug, panting, eyes shut. When he dared open them again, Peter—a little brown rat—sat by his paw, which could almost have covered Peter if it weren't for his extra girth. Sirius—as his usual black dog—nodded to the door, now open. In the hall, James' stag waited.

Before Remus realized, all four of them careened through the empty corridors. Into the Great Hall they tumbled, knocking over benches. In the Defence classroom, Remus touched his snout to Dawlish's Remembrall. It turned deep scarlet—perfect for the professor to find in the morning. Maybe it would be good for him to scratch his head trying to remember what he supposedly forgot.

Up to the Life Defenders' room they went. Remus and Sirius circled and nipped at each other's heels playfully. Only after Padfoot took a roll across the room and almost flattened Peter did the tussling stop.

Sirius gave Peter a look of concern as Peter crawled from his hiding place. But when Sirius' dog breath rolled over Peter, the rat fell backward as if hit by a train. He scurried away to stand in front of James' hooves and cover his tiny wrinkled nose with little paws. He wore a very human expression of dismay, the meaning clear. Sirius' breath stank.

Remus caught the click of footsteps in the hall and panicked, along with everyone else.

"Students. Annoying, bratty students! Always running about at night." Argus Filch. "Wait until I get you!"

Before the group decided what to do, Wormtail squeaked and darted for the door where he wriggled through a crack and out. A cat's hiss followed Filch's scream. "A rat! Get that filth, Mrs. Norris, get it!" Noises of Filch's and his mainecoon's chase rattled down the corridor, fading as Peter led them away.

Sirius' bark sounded more like a guffaw as he flopped on his back and wriggled like an unearthed worm. Remus shook his head in disbelief and indicated the door as if to say they'd better leave. Prongs gave a graceful bow of agreement.

All three hurried back to the dungeon room. James returned to human form to let them in. "Yes!" He pointed down the hall as a plump rat scurried their way. "There he is!" Wormtail scooted between James' feet. "That was awesome, mate! You saved our necks for sure!"

Wormy flopped onto the rug by Padfoot's paws, panting. Padfoot licked him, which elicited a squeal of dismay from Wormtail, who dashed over to Remus in the hopes that _he_ wouldn't succumb to such disgusting behavior.

James shut and locked the door. "You okay there, Pete? That was quite a tumble."

With a nod and a yawn, Wormtail curled up beside Remus, who stretched before doing the same. Peter's little, furry mass left a warm spot on Remus' coat. This was quite nice with his mind intact.

Before long, Padfoot joined them, tail wagging.

Remus stayed with his friends in front of the fire until the telltale warmth of reversion came with the sun's first rays. The relief of his natural shape returned, though he still curled on the rug like a wolf—a discomfort far more manageable than his transformation earlier. With several good pops and a firm stretch, his bones re-aligned.

James tossed the blanket over him. "Your bony bum was never a pretty sight. Cover it up."

"Delighted to." Remus wrapped the blanket around his naked middle and rubbed his sore neck. With one hard roll of his head, he earned a loud crack.

"That sounds disgusting," said Sirius as he still sat on the floor, also back in his own form.

"Afraid my body doesn't fancy the involuntary transformation much. And it's getting worse. I hate to think how it'll be when I'm thirty—or older. By then I'll have to take a day off after the full moon for sure, Wolfsbane or not."

"Maybe they'll have found a cure before that," said James. "Who would have even thought Wolfsbane Potion would turn up a year ago?"

"Something tells me that potion was ahead of its time," Remus muttered as he retrieved his clothes and wand. "What about Peter?"

On the rug beside Sirius lay Wormtail, still a rat.

"Mate, I think he's asleep," said James.

"I've… never noticed how easily he could get hurt in that form," said Sirius. "Mrs. Norris could've eaten him." Then he grinned. "But it's nice to see him stand up for himself. Who knows where it'll lead?"

"And he did save our sorry behinds. Had Filch seen Moony, we'd have been done for!" said James.

Appreciation rose in Remus. "That _was_ pretty cool. Who knew he had it in him? I suppose… we've been bad about taking him for granted—treating him like an outsider."

"What do we do?" Sirius said.

"Treat him like an equal." Remus pulled on his pants. "It's the only thing to do."

"And who knows," said James, "he's come this far already. Maybe he wants to fight but doesn't know it."

"Like reverse psychology? If we say don't come, he'll come?" Sirius scratched his head.

"I didn't even think that far, but you're right. Who knows? He's here, and that's what matters. Everything else is out of our hands."

Remus fought a yawn, exhausted after the full moon. As soon as he got to the bed, he'd be asleep the whole day. "We've got to hold together. Isn't that what they all keep saying?"

"Get some sleep, Moony," said James. "We should be going." He picked up Wormy, careful not to wake him, and tucked him into a pocket before he and Sirius donned the invisibility cloak.

Remus barely heard them leave.

As he toppled into bed, Remus smiled at his last thought before he fell asleep. _Wormy came back to support me… I'm so lucky to have such good friends._


	8. Fear itself

Lucy sat at her table in the Potions classroom and fiddled with her hair. Making potions required specific ingredients. Magical ones. But ordinary carrots or bat wings wouldn't do. No, you needed mandrake roots, but mandrakes—alive in their own right—screamed when pulled, a sound that could stun all who heard, landing them in the hospital for days. Other ingredients included: dragon scales, thestral hair, fruit from a devil vine, sap from a whomping willow, and countless others.

But where to get such commodities? Hogwarts had its own supply, seen to by its botanist, magical creature breeder and keykeeper—who could venture into the Forbidden Forest as needed.

What about everyone else? Where did pharmacists get all their strange herbs and creature hair? Farms! Farms that bred those sorts of creatures and grew those kinds of plants. Farms like… hers, in Ireland, hidden in a rocky mountain range amidst a forest so deep muggles didn't venture in. Each farm had its own specialty and supplied potion brewers across the world with the finest creatures and products. Besides breeding and planting, farm owners hunted ingredients in the magical forest.

Warm memories of the farm drowned out the classroom as Lucy sank into a daydream.

She woke at the break of dawn and rushed out to feed the anthraxes, tumble with the family dog, Newt—named after the greatest creature researcher of all time—check on the cats and their kittens in the barn, and…

 _I haven't been back for so long… If only I could've gone this summer. Who's takin' care of the animals? The plants?_ She shook off those horrid thoughts. _No. Don't think about that. Don't._ She missed the farm terribly. School—no, _people_ proved difficult. _Wish I knew how ta make friends, ta hang out._ But she always wound up sitting alone, and when it came time to pick potions partners, she was always the leftover one. Not that odd though. She wasn't very good with potions, and her grades reflected it—frighteningly well.

Farm life was much easier. The animals didn't judge or refuse to spend time with her. She did as usual: fed, brushed and talked to them. _The poor things…_

Ice gripped Lucy's spine. Images—terrible, horrible images invaded her daydream. The farm fields dried up. Anthraxes, their lovely purple coats dull with hunger, wings shriveled and sad, ribs jutting out too far, starved. The horselike creatures staggered, fell, gaped for breath.

"No!" Lucy didn't notice her breath as it hung in the chill air, a whoosh of white fog.

A man appeared in front of her, his hair the same fiery color as hers. "Dad!" She reached for him. No. Too far away. His back was to her. "Dad!" She ran toward him, but the more she ran, the further away he seemed. "Dad, please! Don't leave me alone!" But he didn't stop, didn't turn, just kept going until he'd faded into… was it her mum?

_Penelope? Remus? Anyone… please…_

"Lucy!" Hands shook her back to reality, and someone shouted in her face. "Wake up! Hey!" A handsome young man with rebelliously long black hair stared at her.

 _Since when did Reg let his hair grow out…? Oh… Right…_ "S-S-Sirius? What—?"

"Thank God," Sirius said, relieved as he let her go. "Dude, what happened? It looked like you weren't even there."

"I don't… Me head—It—" Out the window, hovering near the forest border, floated hooded, unearthly creatures. "It can't be."

"Dementors," said Sirius. "What—Wait, that's why I heard Penelope's scream inside my head."

"Ya what?"

* * *

McGonagall's voice filled the classrooms and halls. "Students of Hogwarts, please gather in the Great Hall immediately. Teachers will escort those coming from Herbology or Care of Magical Creatures. All other teachers, please escort students. Be aware at all times. Do not stop on the way to the Great Hall."

"At least now we can find out what this is all about," Sirius muttered to the ceiling as mysterious voices still echoed down to him, albeit very quietly. One of the Dementors must have wandered closer to the building. "Come on, Carrot." He took Lucy's hand to be sure no one left her behind as the rest of the Potions class left for the Great Hall.

Lucy seemed shaken. When the Dementors first appeared at the forest edge, she'd blanked like a cleaned blackboard. She'd stared unseeing, trembling.

He gave her hand another squeeze and offered an assuring smile. _We're in this together. All the Hogwarts students are._

As they entered the Great Hall, Sirius didn't let go of Lucy and led her toward a mop of messy, black hair. "Hey, Prongs!"

"Padfoot." James was beside them in three steps. "Have any idea what's going on?"

"Maybe a hint." Sirius smirked. "And you'll never guess. Carrot and I just saw some Dementors."

"You're kidding. Right?" James looked from Sirius to Lucy. "You okay there, Lucy? You seem pale?"

"F-fine," she said, only to jump two inches off the ground when Peter appeared beside her, looking paler than her as sweat stained his robe collar, and he earned a look of concern from Lucy.

"Hey." Remus joined them. "There're _Dementors_ outside! I just came from Care of Magical Creatures. They're everywhere! Professor Kettleburn barely kept them away from the students."

"We noticed," said Sirius. "They gave Lucy and me a good scare."

"Thank Merlin you're fine," said Remus as he rummaged in his pockets. "How're you feeling? Dementors aren't easy to deal with."

"Freaked out," Sirius said, "but we're okay now, right Carrot?"

Lucy looked unsure but nodded anyway.

"How 'bout you, Peter?" Sirius pulled him into a hug.

"Horrible." Peter choked his lunch back down.

Remus pulled a chocolate bar from his pocket and broke it into several pieces. "Here." He handed the biggest piece to Peter. "You look like you need it most." He passed around most of the rest just as Lily arrived.

* * *

"Those are Dementors!" Lily pointed in the forest's general direction. " _Real_ Dementors! Sev was right. They're scary."

The room quieted when Dumbledore stepped to the head table, looking grave. Beside him stood a rough, middle-aged man. His blond hair grayed, and pale blue eyes pierced the crowd. Lily could've sworn Dumbledore was displeased with the man. "Students of Hogwarts," said Dumbledore, "I beg you all to take extra caution. As of ten minutes ago, there are Dementors on school grounds."

The Hall broke into murmured uproar.

"Silence, please," said Dumbledore. "The Ministry—at the request of Head of Magical Law Enforcement, Mr. Crouch—sent them here." The Headmaster indicated the man standing with him.

Apart from his hair and eyes, Mr. Barty Crouch Sr. looked robust and stern, nothing like his son.

"The Dementors are here as extra protection from the dangers outside Hogwarts grounds," Dumbledore continued. "I am wary of this, since we know Voldemort's power consists not only of brute force but also of subversion and he will likely attack from within our own ranks. Please, be careful. Do not venture outside without a teacher's escort. A teacher will always accompany each outdoor class. When walking the halls, go only where you must and don't go alone. Dementors can't be tricked by disguises or cloaks of invisibility. Don't be foolish or give them reason to hurt you."

"Why does it always feel like he's talking to us?" James grumbled.

"Why do I always think of Sev when Dumbledore talks like this?" said Lily.

"Stay calm and keep a close eye on each other," said the Headmaster. "And now, Auror Crouch would like a few words."

"Thank you, Headmaster." Crouch nodded to Dumbledore as he took the floor. "It wasn't an easy decision to bring Dementors among Hogwarts students. They're dangerous, and I wish no more harm to any of you than to my own son who's also a student here."

"If only he knew his dearest little boy is chummy with the Death Eaters," Sirius muttered.

"Shh," Lily hissed.

"They're here," said Auror Crouch, "because we believe someone—probably at least one student—is already working with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

"His son. Like I said," Sirius snorted.

"Go up there and say that to his face," said James.

"I've planned interviews with each student, to take place throughout the coming week," said Crouch. "I will post lists outside your common rooms. There's nothing to fear as long as you're honest. Anyone who offers valuable information will be rewarded but hold back and the consequences won't be pleasant. Please, do what's sensible. Thank you." He bowed and stepped back as Dumbledore reclaimed his spot with one last angry glare toward the Auror.

"Thank you for your attention. Please, return to your routines. Those with outside classes, please wait in the Entrance Hall for a teacher escort. Dementors are the most dangerous magical creatures in existence. Treat them accordingly. That will be all."

Lucy seemed dismayed as Dumbledore dismissed them.

"Where're you headed?" said Sirius.

"Herbology…" said Lucy. "Guess I'll wait for Professor Sprout to take us to class."

Remus handed Lucy the rest of the chocolate bar. "Take this. You'll need it."

Lucy blushed, but accepted it. "Thanks… I—I should go. I'm late already."

Lily, James, Sirius and Remus headed for Defence.

"She looked beside herself," said James. "How close were those Dementors?"

"Too close," said Sirius.

"Dementors on school grounds," Lily hissed. "That's crazy! I swear, I can feel them even now." She rubbed some of the unusual cold from her arms.

"I know what you mean." Remus frowned. "But not because we were the happiest bunch around here to begin with."

"That just means we're more vulnerable to them than most. We've got to be careful. Isn't there a way to fend them off?" Lily said.

Sirius scratched his head. "Definitely. But I can't remember it."

Lily tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Guess we know what we're doing this evening. Library!"

Outside the Defence classroom stood Professor Dawlish, straight as a plumb line, already on the lookout for Dementors as the Marauders filtered into class.


	9. Standing firm

"Prejudice and stupidity!" Lily almost ripped the paper from the wall outside Gryffindor's common room. "Don't know why I'm surprised," she hissed. Of those being questioned by Auror Crouch, Remus took the first spot, followed by her, Peter, James and Sirius. Their interviews were early tomorrow morning.

"Lily… let it be." Remus looked about as energetic as a frog just run over by a bus.

"You talk like you've accepted it. It's not even your fault. This isn't fair!"

"I have accepted it. It's more complicated than you think."

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is. Thanks for standing up for me, but don't go looking for trouble because of it. It's not worth it." Remus headed for the portrait hole.

"Why do they all say that?" she mumbled.

"Why can't anybody understand how dangerous I am? Why do you keep denying—"

"I'm not denying anything!"

"You are. Don't say anything else. We'll be standing here all night." He said the password to the common room. "See you, Lily."

* * *

The next day Lily missed Charms for her interview. Disgruntled, she waited to be called, book in her lap while Auror Crouch still grilled Remus. Only Peter waited with her, and he looked a wreck. Every sound evoked a nervous jerk, and he sweated like an ice cube in the Sahara.

"Relax," Lily said, only to have Peter start so badly he almost knocked over the next chair. "It's just an interview. It's not like they'll punish us or anything."

"I—I know that." Peter licked his lips.

"You all right?"

"Fine!" he replied too quickly.

"You can talk to me." She closed her Charms book and took the chair next to him. "If you tell me, I promise not to laugh or think less of you. And I won't tell the others." _Everyone always drags him around. Though he's been more independent lately._ Despite Peter's recent changes though, Lily didn't know what to make of him.

Peter wiped the sweat off his forehead before another huge drop stained his robe. He looked over his shoulder again, as if expecting an attack. "It's nothing." Obviously, a lie.

The office door squeaked as an exhausted and resigned Remus exited.

"How was it?" She said.

"First, he questioned me on behalf of the Head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures," said Remus. "Then he talked to me about the werewolf problem in the Wizarding World and asked if I'd ever thought of joining… joining…"

"They can't expel you, can they?" said Lily, anxious.

Remus shook his head. "He seemed most interested in Severus. Kept asking about him, then jumping back to my condition like a diversion. Then he'd circle back to Severus again."

"He really believes Sev's a dark wizard?"

"Don't know. Seemed weird to me."

"Should we… tell him about his son? We all know Junior's working with Death Eaters. And that's the Head of Magical Law Enforcement in there." Lily pointed to the interview room door.

"But it's his only son. We already went through this hundreds of times. Please, don't risk it." Remus' eyes pleaded for her not to say anything.

That was when Lily noticed the door was open and a stoic Bartemius Crouch Sr. stood waiting. "Please, take your time. It's not like I have anything to do, other than wait on you."

Lily gave Remus a comforting clap on the shoulder and awarded Auror Crouch a sour once-over as she passed him on her way inside the small office. The click of the door shutting rang like a prison lock.

The tiny office housed one desk and two chairs. No books, knickknacks or plants. And a thick layer of dust graced the edges of the desk, as if the Auror forgot to wipe down the whole thing when he opened the unused office this morning.

"So, you're Miss Evans." Crouch took a seat in the big chair behind the desk.

"That's who you wanted to see, isn't it?" Lily quipped as she took the small chair.

"Don't take that tone with me, young lady. I'll not tolerate cheek or avoiding the subject. Should I find a reason, I'll have you disciplined."

"Then you must have a close relationship with your son, _sir_."

"That's quite enough." Crouch scribbled a note on his parchment. "You, more than any other student in this school, are under suspicion of being in contact with a very powerful dark wizard and supporter of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

"I don't know any dark wizards."

Crouch seemed unimpressed. "You seem to have a strong affiliation with House Slytherin."

"Many of my friends are from that house," she said. "Slytherins, Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. Houses are just questions of sleeping arrangements and Quidditch teams."

"And you seem on _very_ friendly terms with that werewolf."

" _Remus_ is a kind, gentle person and a good friend."

"Person?" Crouch arched an eyebrow. "I'm afraid you're misinformed on that point. Recent law states a werewolf is no longer categorized as a person. He's a creature."

_What in Merlin's name?_

"This law passed easily," said Crouch. "It makes exterminating these beasts' threat easier. Since every one of them so far has chosen service to You-Know-Who."

"That's nonsense!" Lily rose from her chair. "Remus is a werewolf, and he's _certainly_ not a supporter of Voldemort!"

"Why are you so sure?" Crouch seemed only mildly curious.

"Remus is gentle! He'd never hurt anyone! And he doesn't believe in that blood purity stupidness."

"And Severus Snape?"

"Sev's more virtuous than is good for him! He's _not_ a dark wizard!"

"So, you _do_ know what he's up to?" said Crouch.

"What?" Lily stopped. "No. I don't even know where Sev is."

"Sev? You're close enough to call him that?"

"We—we grew up together. He's my best friend."

"I was led to understand he was… more than that." Crouch laced his fingers, looking like a stern shepherd about to break a wayward lamb's leg.

Lily blushed and looked away. "We… dated last school year."

"And even after that, he just left? Without notice? Not a hint of his whereabouts? Never attempting contact?"

Lily brushed away her discomfort at Crouch's previous question. "Yes."

"How highly unlikely."

"It's true. Sev never contacted me. Not once. I don't think he even tried."

"Really?" said Crouch.

"Yes, really," Lily snapped. "I've tried to look for him, but he's good at hiding."

"Oh, so you've actively searched for him—a known dark wizard." Crouch scribbled on his parchment again.

"I told you, Sev isn't a dark wizard," Lily hissed.

"But you know where he is?"

"No. I don't!"

"Have you any idea what he could be planning out there on his own?"

"No. And even if I did, I wouldn't tell _you_!" Lily bit her tongue to keep from saying any more. Crouch asked the right questions at the right time with professional detachment—just like a master interviewer.

"Might as well tell me now, Miss Evans. Seeing as you've all but confessed you know something."

"All I know is you should keep a better eye on your son." She growled.

"Excuse me?"

"Go ahead. Interview him." Lily sat straight, chin high. "If anyone here associates with dark wizards, it's him—and also Avery, Mulciber and Jugson."

"Those three names are on my list too," said Crouch. "But even if my son were a suspect—which he isn't—it would be improper for me to deal with his case. It would be too personal an affair. Someone else will interview him."

"But—"

"And if you continue in this vein, there will be consequences."

Lily held back her fiery temper. But only barely.

"Now. Severus Snape."

"I don't know anything."

"I thought we just established you do."

"No. You assume I do. I don't know a bloody thing, all right?"

"Miss Evans." Crouch's tone turned dark. "Fact remains you have ties to a wanted criminal."

"Do I? Who?" she said sarcastically.

"Don't play smart with me, girl." Crouch leaned over the desk. "Severus Snape is wanted for performing dark magic, and you know that."

"Must've escaped my attention." Lily matched his show of force with a sneer.

"Well, he is, and if you support the Wizarding World in the fight against the dark, you'll give me all the information you have."

"Sorry, but I already did, _sir._ He broke up with me last January. That was over six months ago."

"You say he broke up with you. But, did _you_ break up with _him_?"

"I don't know what you mean."

Crouch's steely eyes bored into her. "Well, did you?"

"That's—that's personal. It has nothing to do with this! I have nothing else to say."

"You're ready to defend this dark wizard to the end?"

"I told you. He _isn't_ dark!" Lily shouted in the Auror's face. "And you don't have any right to question me without evidence. I'm done here. Good day, _Mr._ Crouch!" She stood. "And if I were you, I'd watch that son of yours."

"You're on thin ice," Crouch hissed. "At seventeen, there's no safety net for you. I could take you in for a real interrogation any day I wish."

"I don't care." Lily stormed from the office, almost bowling over Remus, Peter and James. "What're _you_ staring at?" she barked.

"Nothing," the three chorused, eyes on anything but her.

"Remember the library. We're going tonight. Even if it kills me, we'll find that spell so that once we're out of this _stinking_ castle, we can fight off Dementors."

"Yes, Lily," they said in unison as she walked away, footsteps clomping like a mad mother bear's.

* * *

All three boys stared after Lily as she stormed off like a wild inferno, so unlike the girl they knew.

"Gotta be her time of the month." James shook his head.

Remus and Peter nodded. "Yeah."

"Merlin! Not even Moony's that bad with his monthly problems," said James.

Remus looked disgusted. "Oh, _thanks_."

"Come on. It was funny. Right, Wormy?"

"That was too low," said Peter.

"Guess Sirius is right," James muttered. "We _are_ all grown up and boring. Even you, Pete!"

"I don't have all day, Mr. Pettigrew." Crouch stood impatiently.

Peter yelped like a beaten dog and shook as if a hundred tons of ice just rolled over him.

"It's all right." Remus clapped Peter's shoulder. "You have the right not to say anything."

Peter gulped and headed for the office. The moment he stepped in, the door slammed shut.

"Youch." James covered his ringing ears. "That was loud enough to wake the whole castle. Think it's that time of the month for Crouch too?"

Remus glared.

"And I think I'll shut up now."

"That's a good idea, Prongs," said Remus. "See you in class."

"Okay."

"Prongs?" Remus stopped.

"What?"

"You're not very good at this. I thought you decided to stop talking." Remus smirked. "How long did that last? Three seconds? But I suppose three seconds without doing something stupid is a new record for you."

"Go to class." James threw a crumpled piece of parchment at him. It bounced off Remus's shoulder and rolled under a chair. Remus chuckled and left.

* * *

Over the next week Lily and the rest of the Marauders spent their free time in the library, searching for the elusive Dementor-banishing spell.

On day eight of their search, Lily sat in the library and paged through yet another Defence book she could've sworn she'd already read. Books scattered the table. Her only solace was that the other Marauders suffered with her.

_I'll find that spell! I'll do whatever it takes to prepare for the battle raging outside Hogwarts._

Sirius stared at another book, looking like he'd been at this so long he'd lost the ability to think. James had three books open at once, as if he thought it would be quicker that way. Reg patiently traced through each line of his book, and Peter, who'd shown up only in the last day or two, sat with one book, looking bored. Lily suspected he'd read the same sentence the whole time he'd been there. Lucy's eyes tracked the page. Shame her book was titled, _Old Myths of Ancient Wales._

Every book the library had on defensive spells lined the table and the company of seven had scoured them all at least twice.

Remus flagged, probably due to the upcoming full moon.

"Sev would know this!" Lily wrung her hands.

"He's pretty powerful and all, but don't you put him on a pedestal sometimes?" said James.

"You'd be surprised what that guy knows." Remus looked up from his book.

"Sev _does_ know," Lily insisted.

"Please." James tried to take her book. "Stop—"

"No. He really does know. He told me about it." Lily concentrated, trying to recall the conversation. "He only mentioned it briefly. If I could just remember." She rubbed her aching head. "When was it? When did we talk about Dementors?"

Everyone's attention shifted to her, even Lucy, who set down her book about Wales.

 _Sev, you were so vague when you told me. It was something about—about that day you fended off fifty of them by yourself. That was all well and good, but how? Come to think of it, he wasn't keen on that story. Skipped over it to talk about something more important. You tried to tell me everything you could, answer all my questions. But I still didn't really know what you went through. You kept a lot to yourself. I felt like I was invading—even though you'd have told me anything I asked about. But you said it might do more harm than good, so I trusted your judgment._ She sighed and plopped her head onto the open book.

"Feelin' okay?" said Sirius.

Lily uttered indistinct grumbling noises.

"Probably not," James said. "I think she realized who she's with, and that it's not good for her."

"And here I thought she was clever," said Sirius. "What will Snape say when he realizes what we've done to her? Look. She's a mess."

Lily's unruly hair ringed her head like a half-doused campfire, and her makeup—probably smeared in places—was nowhere near her usual standards. Shadows lurked under her eyes, so heavy they made her look like a walking zombie. Even so, she glared at the boys.

"If she doesn't kill you for saying that, Severus probably will." Remus chuckled.

Lily shut her book and whacked Remus over the head.

"Ow!" he howled.

"Lily…" Lucy bit her lip. "This… is what girls tell other girls, right? Ya… don't look so good. Your hair's a bit…" She tried to indicate part of Lily's untidy mop, but soon gave up.

James and Sirius made a wordless exchange.

"If you boys have something to say, out with it," Lily growled.

"Nope." James threw up his hands. "I'd like to stay alive and in one piece."

"Glad to hear it," Lily snorted. "Well, it's not a Defence spell we're looking for. It's got to be a charm. Let's move on."

Several groaned.

"Come on! You'd think you don't want to be able to fight off Dementors at all!" said Lily as she headed back to the library stacks.

* * *

Regulus pushed his book back into the table's central pile. _Lucy, Peter and me. We're most effected by the Dementors—well, the most obviously effected, anyway. Judging by Lily's behavior, she's either exhausted, or losing her sanity. Peter's probably just a coward—no surprise there. And Lucy? She tries to hide her feelings, but she's horrid at it. How does no one else notice how hard she tries to bottle it all up? And me…? Never thought I'd say it, but… I'm sullen, short-tempered and… afraid—of myself, of what I could have become if it weren't for…_ Guilt rose in waves. _For Pen._

When the Dementors neared, voices seeped into his head. Familiar voices.

" _If you really think that, I was wrong about you."_

Then another voice, a horrible one, came far more often.

" _But Regulus knows where his loyalties lie. He knows what he's destined to be."_

" _Kill the mudblood!"_

" _Avada Kedavra!"_

Then the scream would pierce him. Pen's scream. Every time the Dementors neared, he relived that shattering moment. He'd do almost anything to avoid it.

Reg left the table to help Lily search for more books, but when he pulled out several volumes, he discovered Avery, Mulciber and Jugson surrounding a group of much younger Slytherin Life Defenders. "Not again…" he groaned and started toward the exchange, but before he took two steps, someone tapped his shoulder. Lucy. She pointed to another table at the back of the library. At it sat Barty Crouch Jr. and several other Slytherins watching their three comrades in glee. "Thanks," Reg whispered, "I hadn't seen them."

"I'll cover ya." Lucy clandestinely showed him her wand, tucked into her sleeve.

Regulus approached Avery, Mulciber, Jugson and their victims. "We don't threaten people of our own house. And all of you seventh-year students? What kind of petty bullying is that?"

"If it isn't the blood traitor?" Avery grinned, turning his attention from the cowering kids.

"What's the matter with you?" said Regulus. "No brains and only enough confidence left to challenge third-years? No wonder Severus despised you. He's got more brains than the rest of his class combined."

"A blood traitor defending blood traitors," Jugson mocked. "How nice."

"There's no such thing as a blood traitor," said Regulus. "All that talk about blood purity? It's pointless."

"A mudblood-lover should come up with a better defense," Jugson snorted.

Reg's anger boiled. "Shut your stupid mouth! _She_ was worth more than you could ever hope to be!" he snarled in Jugson's face.

Mulciber grinned like a demented monkey. "Oh no. I think we're upsetting him."

_How was Severus ever friends with these idiots? And I followed them around too. How much of a fool was I?_

Katherine, one of the threatened Life Defenders, seemed to know exactly how this exchange would end. With Regulus losing his temper. Again.

"Just shut up," he hissed at Jugson.

"Pesky mudblood-lover," Jugson simpered. "And she was such a dirty mudblood too, dangling from the skirts of people she knew were more powerful than her. Sleazy, wasn't she? Dirtying everything she touched."

" _Stupefy_!" Regulus roared, but Jugson deflected it. "Oh. You wanna play?"

" _Impedimenta_!" Orange light shot toward Reg, but he threw up a shielding charm.

Lucy whipped out her wand, enraged, her accent ten times thicker. "Ye' grinchy pea-brains, ye'! If ye' dinnae take tha' back, I sweat, I'll kill ye'!"

Crouch and his group at the table guffawed.

Lucy faced Crouch's band. "And ye' too, ye' scum!"

"Why threaten me?" said Crouch. "I didn't do anything. I'm just admiring your temper. You're beautiful when you're angry."

Lucy almost dropped her wand.

Crouch and company roared again.

"He's messing with you," Regulus hissed.

"Yeah," Jugson snorted. "He'd never like a half-breed, anyway. Is this what blood traitors are resorting to now? Needing mudbloods and half-breeds to defend them?"

"Shut up! I don't need them. I don't need _any_ of them!"

* * *

"Really?' Lily rounded the stack, wand in hand, followed by the rest of the Marauders. She glared at the enemy Slytherins. "Need or not, we're here for each other. I'd leave if I were you."

"Fine," said Jugson. "It's not worth losing breath over mudblood-lovers."

"Get out," Lily sneered, "and don't let us catch you bullying younger kids again. Cowards."

"Says the mudblood with her friends at her back," said Avery. "How do you mudbloods corrupt so many?"

"She told you to _shut_ it!" James said. "I'm taking this to the teachers as it is, so don't make it worse for yourselves."

Lily pointed to the exit and everyone, even Crouch, left, grumbling under their breath. Once the Slytherins were gone, she lowered her wand. "Reg, you've got to stop losing your temper. Imagine the trouble we'd be in if a teacher walked up."

" _You're_ telling _me_ that?" said Regulus.

"I've got the bravest little brother in the world." Sirius beamed.

"Yep. Which was braver? Shooting Voldemort with a stunner? Or telling Lily to stop losing her temper?" said James.

Sirius frowned. "I don't know."

"Quit!" Lily glared at them, but a heartbeat later trumpeted, "A Patronus!"

Everyone jumped.

"The charm to fend off Dementors," Lily said. "It's a Patronus. How could I have forgotten?" _That beautiful silver doe I saw in Sev's memories…_ She'd never forgotten seeing it, but that it was a protection against Dementors slipped her mind until now. "Come on!" She grabbed the nearest person, which happened to be Regulus. "We know the name. I know what it's supposed to look like. Now, we've just got to find the incantation." She dragged Reg to the reception desk where Madam Pince, the librarian, usually lurked. She wasn't there but would probably return shortly.

* * *

"I don't care what you've said before," Sirius whispered to James as Lily dragged Regulus away. "She's barking mad!"

"I agree," James replied, "And admitting that to you tells me something."

Peter looked like a cat cornered by a Doberman as he hid behind James and Sirius. "What… happened?"

"Don't really know, Pete," said James and led him back to their study table, Sirius at their heels "But if you want my advice, don't think about it, because I'm not going to."

Remus, now alone with Lucy, sidled closer to her. "You don't have to be angry to be beautiful…"

Lucy was lightning struck.

"Just so you know…" Remus fumbled. "Sometimes it seems like you don't know, and you should. I mean—" He flushed and looked away. "And… there's nothing to be ashamed of. With your grandmother's heritage. Merlin, I'm rubbish at this. Sounds like I don't mean it."

Lucy nodded slowly.

"Well, I do. You're very beautiful." He nearly ran back to the table, leaving Lucy with a smile teasing her lips and a blush on her cheeks. She was just about to say something smart to Remus but decided not to as she went back to the table and took a seat beside Sirius.

"Aw, you're so cute, Carrot," Sirius teased.

"Hush."

"Go tease him." Sirius gave her a little push toward Remus.

"Stop," she said. "I know ya are always trying ta—ta get us together, but we tried. It didn't work. I'm just happy he's still my friend."

"Come on. He just said you're beautiful. That's something, isn't it?"

"He'd say that to any girl to make them feel better. He's… really nice like that." She moved to another seat at the other end of the table, away from Sirius and Remus.

* * *

That Thursday Lily stood at the front of the Life Defenders' meeting. "We figured people would like to try their hand at fending off Dementors."

Excited murmurs filled the room.

"We found the incantation and its instructions," said Lily, remembering the three evenings it took to locate the information once she remembered its name.

"It's called the Patronus Charm," said Regulus. "It uses happiness as a shield against the Dementors. They draw out our worst memories to use against us—which is why the counter consists of good memories."

"There are various stages of the Patronus," Lily continued. "The first is a silver mist, the second, a shield, but the true Patronus takes the physical form of an animal unique to the caster. Unfortunately, that's about all we found. We know the wand movements, words and technicalities, but none of us have any idea of how to do it. We've tried, but the most we could produce was a bit of mist. We'll teach you what we can, then you try it. If someone gets further, please come tell us how you did it." She took out her wand. " _Expecto Patronum_." She said the words perfectly and used correct movements while holding on to a good memory—a warm summer day by the lake, the smell of green grass. But all she could conjure was a cough of silver mist.

"That's not a lot, is it?" said Diane.

"No," said Lily.

"Well, it's worth a try." Diane took out her own wand. "Who said fighting Dementors would be easy? It's like Quidditch—only gets spectacular with sweat and tears. Come on, people!"

Lily smiled. "Everyone stand up. We'll practice the wand movements. While we do, think of a happy memory, the happiest you can come up with, though the memory itself doesn't matter as much as the emotion behind it. That must be genuine."

Soon silver clouds of smoke floated everywhere, but not much else.

Reg seemed resigned as he whispered to Lily, "Perhaps we're failing because we can't feel genuine happiness anymore. It's not like we have much to be happy about."

"I thought the same thing," she admitted. "Though I can't help but feel it's just a matter of getting the hang of it. At least, I hope so… You hear… her… when they're close, don't you?"

Reg nodded. "I'm always back there."

"I hear her too… And Sev. He sounds so desperate—and broken."

"Doesn't it annoy you?" Regulus said. "That he's out there and we're cooped up in here? This place or James'—doesn't make any difference. We're sitting around when we should be fighting."

"Yes. I hate it. I want to fight, to find Sev, but even if we weren't at school, it wouldn't be that simple. Where would we look? Besides," she took in the host of students practicing, "I think we _are_ fighting here, just in a different way. We're dissuading people from becoming Death Eaters and regretting it later. Preventing that is important too, and we spend our time ensuring we're of use when the time comes. That's what I like to think, anyway. I'd go mad if I didn't believe in that, even a little."

"It's all falling apart," Reg said as he watched the few students who smiled as they practiced. "Maybe it's time to face that she's dead, that he's gone, that they were what kept up going."

Lily shook her head. "Ironic, isn't it? All that talk about when the student is ready, the mentor will appear." Faint traces of silver smoke floated toward the ceiling. "They always forget to say that when the mentor is done, he has to leave so the students can stand on their own two feet."

"You're talking like that's how it's supposed to be," Reg huffed. "Is that what you really believe?"

"No. I'm just saying—I don't know. This sounds crazy, but… What if you thought of… her while trying to conjure a Patronus?"

Regulus looked at her as though she'd lost her mind. The memory of Penelope was painful. It made no sense. "Why ever would I do that?"

"Just a thought," said Lily. "Sev… told me he thought of me when he did it."

Reg arched a brow.

Lily blushed. "Don't ever tell, or I'll have your head."

He smirked and nodded. "But you're different. You're fine."

"Let's just say… Sev's been through a lot."

Both turned their attention back to the students. None produced a decent Patronus, no matter how hard they tried.


	10. Fenrirs pack

A group of giggling girls surrounded James and Sirius in the Gryffindor common room.

"And now, ladies," said James with a dramatic flair that would make a circus master jealous, "for your viewing pleasure only—"

"—especially _yours_ —" Sirius bowed to a pretty girl with long, black hair. She giggled.

"—we'll show you magic never seen before. You'll be shocked. Amazed!"

"And when I surprise Prongsie, you'll laugh your bums off!" Sirius said to the crowd behind one hand, as if sharing a secret.

"We'll see about that. Pretty sure I'll get you first," said James. "You'll be so humiliated no one will ever date you again."

"Impossible!" Sirius gasped in mock-offense. "I'm too gorgeous!" He brushed his hair out of his face.

Remus and Peter sat in twin armchairs nearby.

"The world's gonna go under the day those two grow up." Remus crossed his legs and leaned into his chair.

"It's been a while since they pulled a show," said Peter. "Since… last year."

"We could all use to turn off for a bit."

"Not much pranking lately. It's weird," said Peter.

"They won't prank Slytherins anymore." Remus chuckled. "They know better now."

"Doesn't that mean they _have_ grown up? I realize they needed to, but…"

Remus nodded. "Circumstances forced us all to. But don't tell them. It'll boost their ego too much, and they might relapse."

Peter shook his head, attention back on James and Sirius, but his expression changed.

"What're you thinking about?" said Remus.

"Nothing," Peter answered too fast.

Remus shrugged it off. He didn't like talking about feelings either. Maybe that's what Peter was contemplating.

* * *

Peter watched his two friends, so dramatic, so amazing—bigger than life—or so he thought once. _But they're not, are they…? They aren't perfect._ Recent events had shoved Peter outside himself, forced him to look at the bigger picture. Now, he found that picture very different. His friends, others around him, they couldn't protect everyone. They had flaws. They… were human.

The world had become far more frightening and complicated.

* * *

Lily came through the portrait hole. "James! There you are."

"Hey." James grinned.

"Finally warming up to us?" With a flick of his hand, Sirius produced a red rose. "For you, my lovely."

Lily rolled her eyes. "No, thanks."

Several girls giggled.

"Then it's for you, my lovely." Sirius bowed and handed the rose to the black-haired girl.

"That's cheating." The girl pouted but couldn't hold in a flattered smile. "You made it for Evans."

Sirius drew back as if affronted. "How dare you accuse me of such a thing when you sit here looking like a goddess? It rips my heart to shreds."

The girls twittered again.

"Never trust this man," James wrapped an arm around Sirius' shoulder, "cause he's just a big, ugly mutt." James dragged Sirius into a headlock and mussed his hair. "Take a good look, ladies. He's ridiculous!"

Sirius dropped from James' grip and sat on the floor, arms crossed in dramatic disappointment. "Prongs, you sod, you're breaking my heart, and here you made me believe I was the only one for you. Cheater!" He scooted beside a blond girl. "That's how all men are, you know. They promise you the world, but when it gets serious, they run with their tails between their legs." He snapped his fingers. "Shallow, dumb mutts, the lot." He sniffed to clear fake tears and the blond almost fell over, she laughed so hard.

Lily wanted to haul Sirius to his feet and smack both him and James back to reality. "Sorry to interrupt, but I need to show you something. And I need your help." She tapped an impatient foot.

"You? Asking for help?" Sirius got up. "Has the world gone mad?"

"Pad, use your mutty head. If she's asking, don't you think it's important?" James cracked a wry smile. "Right, Lils? Marauders only?"

She scowled at the impromptu nickname but nodded.

"Our dorm's fine," said James.

"Thanks." Lily joined Remus and Peter to tell them about the meeting.

"Well, ladies," James turned to the crowd as Lily followed Peter and Remus upstairs, "it's time for one last, magnificent act." He grinned and held up both hands in apology.

"Awww…" came the disappointed response.

* * *

Lily's chest burned as she paced the boys' dorm. Mona flew overhead, following her. Remus and Peter sat on their beds, watching.

"Where _are_ they?" she said.

"Easy," said Remus. "They'll be along in a minute."

"This is urgent!"

Mona cooed as if reprimanding Remus on Lily's behalf.

"You _do_ realize Lily's not your owner?" Remus said to the bird.

The instant Mona realized he was talking to her, the promise of attention landed her on Remus' lap, demanding to be petted.

"Then again, you're not at all the pet Severus would choose." Remus stroked Mona's feathers and rubbed her fluffy head.

James and Sirius burst in, laughing.

"Look, Prongs," Sirius pointed at Lily, "there's a beauty in our room. To what do we owe the honor, milady?" He gave her a grand bow.

"This isn't a time for games!" Lily said so loudly Mona fell out of Remus' lap with a disgruntled flap. "Look!" She held up a newspaper. "Remus, you need to see this too." A photo of dirt-covered people outside a shack in a forest took up half the front page. She read aloud, "'The Ministry of Magic is proud to announce they've managed to locate a group of highly dangerous werewolves suspected to be associated with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. New legislation allows the Ministry to take harsh action,' and it goes on…"

Dead silence.

Mona cooed and rubbed Sirius' leg.

"That's very nice… No, _not_ nice—not nice at all," said James. "But what does it have to do with anything? There's been a lot of new werewolf legislature lately."

"The _pho-to-graph_!" She tapped the picture almost too fast for the boys to see. "Look at it!" She shoved the paper in Remus' face.

"Fenrir Greyback…" Remus said darkly. "As much as I'd love to see him pay for what he's done, I—"

"No. No, no, no! There!" Lily pointed to a small face poking out of the crowd, huge stubborn eyes staring into the camera.

Remus snatched the paper. "Is that…?"

"Evelyn! They have Evelyn!" Lily's chest ached as she said it.

James looked confused. "Who's Evelyn?"

"Remember the little girl from the Wolfsbane Potion trial last year?" Lily shoved aside her annoyance at the boys' bad memories.

"That little thing?" said James, surprised.

"We have to go. Right now! She might be our best shot at finding Sev!" Lily started for the door, but Remus stopped her.

"Be reasonable. We don't even know where they are."

Sirius cleared his throat. "Actually… I think we do." He pointed to three towers poking out of the background tree line. "That's one of the old Black family estates."

"Brilliant!" Lily started for the door again. "Let's go!"

"Hold on." It was James who stopped her this time. "You just want to rush in? Without a plan? Remember what happened last time? I won't let that happen again."

"But it _won't_ ," she insisted, "because the four of us aren't going to fight each other. And there's no Voldemort where we're going. Sev may be there, and we can bring him back! He'll help make the Life Defenders better again. Everything will be all right!"

Remus swallowed hard. "That place will be packed with werewolves."

"So?" Lily sat on her knees and looked up into Remus' eyes. "It's not full moon soon, is it?"

"Not for another two weeks."

"You don't have to go." She took Remus' hands. "I understand, really I do. The fewer of us, the better, anyway."

"Of course, I'm going," said Remus with a heavy sigh. "I don't want to stay back and do nothing. That's the worst thing you could ask of me."

Lily squeezed his hands. "You're a brave man, Remus Lupin."

"It's still foolish," he muttered.

James nodded. "Very. And what about the Horcruxes? The Life Defenders? The _Dementors_?" He listed every complication on a new finger. "Not to mention the Head of Magical Law Enforcement having his eye on us. If we make one mistake, he'll have reason to bring us in for real."

"We'll be quick and careful," said Lily. "We'll pop in, grab Evelyn and apparate out. No one will notice we're gone."

"I say we go," said Sirius, looking excited to have opportunity to do something.

Remus went next. "We should consider—"

"Consider what?" Lily cut him off. "What difference would planning make? We should just go. For Merlin's sake, she's a little kid! I couldn't live with myself if she died and I could have saved her. We can't do anything from in here. We're bloody _stuck_ here while Sev is out risking his life doing Merlin knows what!"

"You're going with or without us, aren't you?" said James.

"How perceptive," Lily shot back.

"Fine. I won't let you go alone." James held out a hand to help her up. She took it.

"Me neither," said Remus.

"I'm in!" Sirius sounded far more excited than he should, earning strange looks from everyone.

Peter shook his head and rubbed together nervous hands but said nothing.

James hung his head. "We leave tomorrow the moment classes end. That gives us all weekend. Just us four."

"Four?" Peter frowned. "There're five of us." He counted everyone aloud.

"You—you want to go?" said James. "Sorry, I assumed you didn't after everything you've said. You don't have to if you don't want to."

"I don't?" Peter seemed surprised.

"Of course not. You said so yourself. This is dangerous. We won't think less of you if you decide not to go."

"I… I don't know…" Peter muttered, ashamed. "What sort of help would I be, anyway? It would be safer if you didn't have to watch out for me too."

"It's fine, Pete," James assured with a pat on the shoulder. "It takes true courage to admit that."

"Yeah…" Peter said, clearly not believing a word James just said. "Sure…"

* * *

Friday couldn't come fast enough for Lily. The urge to leave pushed her to watch the clock almost obsessively. She couldn't sleep and kept getting up to check the bag she'd packed.

"Sev," she muttered, "you'd _better_ be there."

She took a long, black box from the drawer in her nightstand and held her breath as she dared a look inside. It was still there—the beautiful silver necklace Sev made her last Christmas. It still shone brightly. Such a creation was only more testament to Sev's power and skill, but, like any other enchanted object, it would revert to its original form if Sev were... to die.

The interwoven lily petals danced into the shape of a necklace, drenched in Sev's magic. As long as this remained intact, he was alive. That made this her most precious possession. She didn't even dare wear it anymore.

Lily brushed careful fingertips over the smooth silver. "Take care of yourself, you idiot… and don't throw a fit when I see you next," she whispered as she replaced the lid and tucked the box back in its drawer where no one could get it by accident. "Sleep well," she whispered to the necklace and checked her bag again.

An hour later, Lily still couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned, heart pounding like an engine piston. "I'll show him!" she muttered into her pillow. _I can hold my own. I can fight! Why does he have such a hard time getting that? I'd_ die _for him—for anyone close to me. I_ want _to fight!_

* * *

Despite it still being early, darkness covered the grounds when Lily, James, Remus and Sirius met. October meant shorter days and gradually worsening weather. Heavy wind ripped at their cloaks, and Lily's hair flew into her face and whipped her cheeks red.

The four crept along the castle wall, but it proved no shelter from the wind.

"In and out," James said, cloak held around him to keep it from flapping in the gusty evening. "If we need to separate, it's me and Sirius, and Remus and Lily. I have the mirrors."

"We already talked about this," said Lily.

"Yes," said James, "but I don't want to be the reason someone dies, so take the invisibility cloak." He handed it to her. "Sirius and I can turn into animals and blend in. They won't know we're wizards. You two can't do that."

Remus took the cloak for Lily. "Good thinking." He stuffed it in his backpack, fighting to keep the wind from stealing it.

"How will we get off the grounds from here?" said Lily. "Why not use the mirror we took last time?"

"I don't want to do anything we did last time. We'll take the Whomping Willow." With an apologetic look at Remus, James pointed to the big tree. "Sorry, Moony, but it's the safest way."

Lily looked to Remus for explanation.

"It… leads to the Shrieking Shack," Remus said. "It's where I transformed before the Wolfsbane Potion. It's a bit of a mess. I don't think anyone ever cleaned it up."

"Why would they?" said James. "I don't think any of us want to be reminded of it."

Lily already dreaded seeing it.

"Nonsense," Sirius snorted, "full moon used to be so much fun. These days, it's all but dull."

"Thanks, Paddy. I, for one, am eternally grateful for that," said Remus.

"Sorry." Sirius grinned, unrepentant. "You all used to be more fun. You've spoiled them, Lils."

"Can't you be serious just once?" Lily chided.

"Oh, but I am. It's my name, you know!" He pointed to himself in pride as everyone else groaned. "Come on, gang." He motioned them all toward the willow.

"Is it just an act? Or is that really how he is?" Lily whispered to James.

"A bit of both, I think. He was probably so frustrated growing up an aristocrat that he does anything to be less like one. If he wants, he can be very reasonable and polite."

"That's even worse." Lily followed the boys to the willow.

Sirius poked one root with a long stick. The entire tree froze.

"Here." Remus swept leaves from a covered entrance. "This is weird…" he mumbled.

"What?" said Lily.

"A day or two before full moon, I feel beside myself. Every other time I came here, all I could think of was what would come after I entered this place. I never noticed what it really looks like. It's odd to be here without feeling terrified."

"You're not afraid?" Lily said.

"Nervous, yes," said Remus. "But during full moon, I'm most afraid I'll lose control and kill someone innocent, or worse, infect them. Nowadays, I'm in control, full moon or not."

"That makes it less terrifying?"

"Oh, yes. Dying is nothing compared to the thought you could be responsible for an innocent's death while you're out of control. Worse. It could be someone you know or care about. My boggart is the full moon, and that's something I face once a month. Honestly, I don't think I have it in me to ever be able to cast a Patronus."

In the distance, Dementors steered toward the willow. It was difficult to determine if the cold was because of the bitter wind or the Dementors' presence. Were they affecting how everyone felt now?

"Remus…" said Lily, "you're still sure about this—with the werewolves and everything? We could run into Greyback."

Even Sirius sobered. "Yeah. I'm glad you always have my back, Moony, but I'd hate to see you hurt."

"I won't let you go and fight and leave me standing here to watch." Remus' tone was low and serious. "I don't know how I could stand that."

"We'll have each other's backs—all the Marauders. Right?" said James.

Lily and Sirius nodded. "Always."

"Let's go." Remus vanished into the tunnel, Sirius on his heels.

Dementors floated on the border of the forest. Lily raised her wand. " _Expecto Patronum_!" She barely managed a silvery mist. "Blast!"

"Don't take it too hard." James patted her shoulder. "None of us have it down yet."

"I wish you could've seen what it's supposed to look like…" Lily sighed. "Sev can do it. It looks so… beautiful. It's an embodiment of all that's good in you—the things that can be hard to see, but once you do, they make perfect sense."

"We'll figure it out," James reassured. "We'd better get a move on." He entered the tunnel.

Lily took one last glance at the castle and its dark sky before she followed the boys.

* * *

The moment she first tried Apparation, Lily swore she'd never like it. This time, the feeling of being pinched mixed with nerves and excitement, and when she collapsed on the ground at their destination, her stomach lurched hard. She tried to regulate her breathing, only to have a chill dampness creep over her.

Here, the forest ground was wet and the wind just as bad as at Hogwarts, if not worse.

"Feel all right?" James laid a concerned hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah. Just that awful magical transportation again. Where… are we?"

"The abandoned Black estate is over there," Sirius pointed past Lily. "No one's lived there for over forty years. Last one was my great uncle."

"But it still belongs to the Blacks?" said Lily.

"Lots of property does," said Sirius. "There was a time when the world was positively drowning in Blacks, then everyone started having girls, I guess. Plus, big names married exclusively and had few children, which crashed the number of purebloods. Now, it's just us left and all the Black estates are ours. We live in the middle of London, at the ancestral home. It's disgusting. I hate it." He pointed up through the trees and changed the subject. "You can see the towers from here."

Three red-roofed towers reached toward the sky, though they were harder to see in the dark.

"Where's the shack?" said James.

"No idea," Sirius replied. "Guess we'll have to look for it." He transformed into a dog and sniffed the air, then led them off to the right.

"Put on the cloak and stick close," James ordered before he changed into a stag and followed Sirius.

"You okay?" Lily whispered when Remus took out the cloak.

"Fine," he said stiffly as he swung the cloak around them.

"Remus?" Lily fumbled for his hand and found it. "It's all right. I'd be terrified too." She closed the cloak properly to ensure their invisibility.

"Last time we did something like this, someone got killed," Remus whispered back as they walked closer to keep the cloak from shifting. "You really think we'll find Severus here?"

"It's a long shot, but I have to try."

"I don't know if the other guys understand, but I do… though it's pretty crazy."

The dog and stag stopped on a hilltop. Sirius lay down for cover as voices carried from across the field below.

"I don't care what the Ministry says. Our time is coming," a deep, growling voice snarled.

"Oh, good," said a woman's voice Lily recognized.

 _The potion trial! It's Umbridge!_ The screechy voice already made her sick. _What is_ she _doing here?_

"It makes everything simpler," said Umbridge. "Either you follow the rules, or we'll have to dispose of you. I don't know if you've heard, but I finally got my decree approved. It's Wolfsbane and a Ministry worker checking that you take it, or prison."

"Did you know?" Lily whispered to Remus.

He shrugged. "I get Wolfsbane Potion free for another half a year."

"Yes, but—"

"Shh." Remus took a step forward, forcing Lily to follow, or be exposed.

Below, Ministry personnel surrounded Dolores Umbridge, in all her pink-clad glory. A good distance away, still dirty and shabby, stood Fenrir Greyback, eyes glowing with menace.

"You're a fool, Umbridge," Greyback barked. "But you'll learn." He licked his lips and eyed Umbridge hungrily. "Oh, you'll learn. Humans are pathetic. You can't control us. We have the Dark Lord's blessing."

"I am of old pureblood descent." Umbridge puffed out her chest like a boasting peacock. "I'm not an enemy to anyone here, and I have the Ministry on my side." She added a sweet laugh. It made Lily want to burrow into the ground and never come out again.

"For now." Fenrir grinned, showing every yellowed tooth. "For now."

Umbridge's toad face split in an equally disturbing smile. "You're only making this harder for yourself. We'll be back."

An elderly Ministry official cut in. He was short, tightly built with broad shoulders, a flat nose and gray hair that fell to his shoulders and matched his rough beard. "I'll remind all of you, every werewolf is an individual." He looked grouchy, eyes sharp as razors. "Whatever he or she chooses will be respected by the Ministry. We won't blame you for association with the rest if you step forward now and separate yourself from these outlaws."

"Bah!" Fenrir scoffed. "Everyone here belongs here."

Many werewolves murmured agreement.

"Really?" said the man. "Are you sure? Aren't there any kidnapped among you? Children?"

"What makes you say that?" Fenrir narrowed his eyes.

"Call it a hunch," said the man with surprising smoothness.

"Regardless, Johan dearest," Umbridge said, "an animal is and will always be an animal."

"What did you call us?" Fenrir sneered.

Johan didn't try to dodge the confrontation.

"You don't scare me." Fenrir mocked Johan. "I see it in your eyes. You fear us."

"Yes, I do. I hate werewolves," said Johan sternly as he met Greyback's stare. "But it is you who should be afraid now." The threat underlying his words resonated with Lily even from so far away. Who was this Johan anyway?

"You have until Monday to decide," said Umbridge in her pompous screech. "Then I'll personally see to your sentence."

Lily held Remus' hand tighter. "We need to get Evelyn out fast," she whispered as the Ministry people apparated away.

The werewolves disappeared into the shack—all except the guards.

Dog and stag ducked into the nearest stand of trees, Remus and Lily close behind. When it was safe to, James and Sirius reverted to human form.

"I don't know what to say, Remus," said James.

"Then don't say anything. We've got to get Evelyn. She could die."

"But how?" James said with a glance back up the hill. "The shack is guarded, and no, you're _not_ going down there alone pretending you want to join."

Remus was about to object, but Lily cut him off. "I think we all agree on that."

"Then what?" Remus challenged. "The only thing I can think of is to watch from the hill and hope Evelyn comes out, grab her and apparate. If she _ever_ comes out… and isn't already dead."

"That's actually a sensible plan," said James. "We watch until Sunday. If we haven't heard or seen her, she must be dead."

" _James_!" Lily was horrified. "Don't say that! She has to be all right. This is Evelyn!"

"Penelope wasn't supposed to die either, but here we are," James snapped.

"You're still guilty over that?" said Lily.

"I was the leader," James said. "I took responsibility and failed. That's that. Why do you rush into things, Lily? Without thinking? And that's me saying this. Face the facts. This is serious. People could die."

"No one's dead, James," she snapped back. "Not Evelyn. Not Sev. We can save them!"

James looked almost ready to give up. "You can't save everyone."

"But I can try."

Remus sighed in defeat. "Let's go set up watch. That's all we can do for now."

"I suppose…" Lily muttered bitterly.

"What are four so deliciously young pieces of meat doing here?"

The Marauders whirled to face three men, their eyes shining amber, clothes and skin covered in dirt.

"You thought we wouldn't notice you?" said the one blond of the group as he circled them like prey. "We can smell you a mile away, just so you know. Did you come to have a look at the freaks?" He spread his arms. "Well, go ahead. Have one last laugh before we eat you! Get something out of it while you can."

"Don't' be ridiculous," said Remus. "You don't eat people outside full moon."

"Oh yeah, pretty boy?" the second man, his black hair dull in the darkness, bowed to Remus. "You're so neat and clean it's disgusting. A bookish one, huh? Probably never had to scrape by like us. Never been stared at." He spat on the ground. "Stupid humans. Glad I'm not one anymore."

Remus shuddered as his friends moved closer to him.

The third man, dark-skinned said, "What _are_ you doing here?"

"Camping," said James. "Just on a field trip is all."

"Where's your tent?" said the blond.

"We don't use one," said James. "Just sleep on the ground and put up a shield if it rains."

"Really?" said the dark-skinned werewolf. "I'd like to learn that spell."

"Stupid wizards," growled the blond, "crying over being bitten when they know all about their stupid little world. _I_ never asked for _this_!"

"None of us did," said the dark-skinned man. "You going to come quietly, kids? Or do we have to use force?"

Lily exchanged looks with the boys. An instant later all four drew their wands. " _Confringo_!" She aimed for the ground just behind the werewolves. It exploded.

The Marauders turned and ran.

"Nice one," said Sirius. "Now _everyone_ knows we're here."

 _Oops…_ Lily realized too late that another group waited just ahead of them—a group much bigger than the last. A half dozen exclamations of _Expelliarmus_ hit them and all four wands went flying, leaving them outnumbered, unarmed and surrounded.

"Prongs," Sirius whispered. "We're _really_ bad at this."

"Thanks, Padfoot." Said James. "I hadn't noticed."

"Maybe we'd do better on the frontline war business than this sneaking around? Feels like we're meant for something different, if you know what I mean."

"Shut up, Pads."

"Just saying, we could do great under other circumstances."

Lily, James and Remus rolled their eyes.

"What do we do with them?" said a woman.

The dark-skinned man from the first group caught up to them. "Bring them to Fenrir. He's always looking for fresh blood to add to the family."

"Oh, for the love of— Even if he _did_ turn us into werewolves, we wouldn't join him," said Sirius.

"You say that so easily," sneered the blond from before. "You don't know how it is to be a monster!"

"Most of you are new to this, aren't you?" said Remus, eyes full of passion.

"Quiet!" the woman snarled. "Come with us."

"Not a word, Remus. Hear me?" James whispered as they were led to the shack.

Remus said nothing.

The werewolves threw them into one corner. They sat facing each other under three guards' watch.

"At least we're safe for now," said Sirius. "They're turning us into werewolves, right? Full moon isn't for another two weeks."

"Good point," said Remus.

"Don't get your hopes up, kiddos," said the blond man. "There are ways to control the curse. Wolfsbane Potion goes one direction, but there are ways to go the opposite direction too."

Remus' lips trembled so badly he almost couldn't speak. "N-no. It's not t-true. It's only on f-full moon… Only on full m-moon!"

"This one's scared of us." The guard squatted beside Remus. "I like that. I want to bite him." He licked his lips.

"Leave him alone!" Lily demanded. "You don't know what you're talking about!"

"Not another word, Lily," said James.

"But—"

"Listen," James whispered as the guard chuckled and stepped away. "We have to be smart. Severus would say the same. We can't get separated. Just think what would happen if they knew." He hinted at Remus.

"What do we do?" said Lily.

"Wait for an opportunity."

 _Less than an hour… and we're already in trouble…_ Lily hung her head. _This is my fault. I'll get them out safely. Them_ and _Evelyn._ _No matter what._


	11. In the jaws

Lily sat in the shack's corner, back to back with Sirius, the wall behind her; Remus and James sat beside them, all of them bound by magic. Weight—like a brick pile—kept Lily uncomfortably in place as the werewolves eyed her and her friends throughout the night.

Every moment seemed to promise the small hut would fall apart. Each breeze or chill wind sent creaks and groans through the building, but the werewolves didn't seem to notice any more than a dog would notice a stray flea.

Dirt covered every surface possible, even the bed sheets where some slept.

Under the nearest bed lay the backpack; in it was the invisibility cloak—though the werewolves hadn't opened it, probably thinking it held nothing of interest. As long as they didn't know about the cloak, it was safe. Lily kept an eye on it clandestinely as the sun peeked over the horizon and morning's first light sifted through one window.

Sirius' stomach growled.

"Keep quiet!" grumbled the blond werewolf with a kick toward Sirius.

"Oh, I am _so_ sorry," Sirius snipped. "I'm completely in control of my stomach. That's how it works."

"Could we at least have some water?" said Remus.

"Now they're making demands," said another of their guards. "How 'bout that?"

The dark-skinned werewolf—the most sensible, so far—rolled his eyes. "Give 'em water. We don't want them fainting on us, do we?"

"I'm not going all the way out there," the blond man sneered. "Let the little snot warrior do it."

"Whatever."

"Hey, snot baby!" The blond man stepped into another room. "Time to get up already!"

Lily checked on Remus. He stared into thin air, eyes blank.

The dark-skinned man squatted beside the group. "You lot look familiar. Have I seen you before?" He tilted his head toward Remus. "Especially you." He grabbed Remus' chin. "There's something strange about you."

Lily fought to connect his face to something—a newspaper article, poster on the street, a face in a shop, anything. But nothing came to mind before he left.

"The drug trial," Remus whispered. "He was at the Wolfsbane testing."

"Oh…" Lily whispered back.

A child hauled a bucket of water—far too heavy for her. The little girl was thin and dirty, blond hair tangled and matted. Lily knew it was blond—under all that dirt—golden, princess blond. Grime smudged her face in patches of brown and gray, but they only accentuated her sky-blue eyes, bright like a cat's, or—For a moment Lily swore they flickered yellow, like a wolf's.

Evelyn.

Her baggy coat, patched nearly to death and tattered worse than a favorite stuffed animal, dragged the floor two feet behind her. The man's shirt she wore under the coat was so big it easily fit her as a dress; her feet were bare and starting to turn blue gray with cold.

"About time," the blond snorted. "Give me some of that water."

Evelyn's face was angry and bitter, far from the little girl Lily knew.

"Evelyn," Lily called out, trying to fight free of the magical bonds, but they held fast.

The girl's anger didn't dissipate as she met Lily's eyes and the child's gaze seemed to flicker from blue to steely gold every other moment as Evelyn dragged the bucket to them and dropped it with a clank. Water splashed around the pail, but Evelyn didn't seem to care as she snatched the rusty tin cup that swam inside the bucket.

"It's me," Lily whispered. "You've grown so much—nearly a head." The girl's arms were strong and tight now, probably because the others overworked her. But she was still thin and tiny compared to the rest of the werewolves.

"I know who you are," Evelyn almost growled. "I recognize you. You're the one Severus adored so much. Every time he looked at you, he warmed up. And of course, I've grown. It's been a year and a half."

"We came to rescue you," Remus whispered. "You've got to help us."

Not once did hope light Evelyn's eyes. "I remember you too. You're the friendly one. For people like us that's stupid, you know." Her attention turned to Sirius and James. "And you accused Severus of being out to hurt you."

"We were wrong." James swallowed hard. "We know that now, really, we do. We were childish and stupid."

"It's all right. I don't care." Evelyn filled the tin cup and raised it to Sirius's mouth. "Severus is just a guy—like the rest of you. I was stupid to think otherwise."

"What happened to you?" Lily's voice broke. "We can help, whatever it is."

"I don't need help," Evelyn muttered. "You're the ones in trouble."

"Hey!" the blond barked. "No talking to the prisoners, snot welp."

"Please," Evelyn snorted as her eyes flashed yellow again. "Like I have anything important to tell them. What difference does it make if I talk to them?"

"I could hurt you," warned the blond.

"Then Fenrir would hurt _you_ ," Evelyn sneered, showing her teeth like a snarling dog. "I tell him it was you, Mark, and he'll punish you."

"Think you're so important, little princess?"

"I told you not to call me that! I _hate_ it! And remember, I'm one of his children," she said. "His words." She glanced at Remus. "To him, every kid he bit is his. He protects them. He thinks of me as his real daughter. That's why he wants me here."

"Don't give into the wolf like this," Remus pleaded. "Fight it!"

"Fight what?" Evelyn said. "This is who I am."

"Fenrir's not your father," Remus tried again.

"I know he's not my dad," Evelyn snorted. "But you can't deny he was there for me more than my real dad. _He_ can't even look at me. I know how it is now. It's nice of you to come, but I don't need rescuing."

"But—What about your mom? She must be worried sick," said Lily.

"Do you know what my clearest memories are of my mother?" Evelyn's eyes changed to solid yellow as anger flared bright. "Her crying! I didn't know why then, but now I do. _I_ made her cry. _I_ made her miserable. I _ruined_ her life! She was beautiful once. You should've seen the pictures. I always thought her pictures looked like a fairytale princess—maybe even a fairy. And look what she became? Because of me—the little cursed beast. I'm with my own kind now. It's better this way. I'm not going anywhere."

"Listen," Remus interrupted, "if you think your mother is better off without you, you're wrong. She probably lays awake every night praying you're alive. I know how it is."

" _Stop_ ," Evelyn hissed as she offered Lily water. "I've made my choice. Go home if you have the chance. Say hey to Sev for me and tell him I'm all right. Tell him not to bother."

Lily took a swallow of water. "Sev's missing. We'd hoped he might have come here for you."

"Missing?" For the first time, Evelyn showed surprise. "I shouldn't be shocked. All the good ones go… 'missing' these days. And they don't come back. He _is_ just another guy, after all. When you get out of here, don't you dare go to my mother." She left, the bucket still sitting in a little puddle on the floor.

"How old is she?" said James.

"Six-and-a-half last time we met," said Lily. "About eight now. Why?"

"She talks like an adult. It's creeping me out," said James.

"She didn't last time I saw her," Lily said.

"What'd you expect?" said Remus. "Lord knows how long she's been here. It had to happen. The day she figured out what she was, she became an adult overnight. It's a terrible thing, but it's how it is. And this is even worse! She learned it from them." He glanced at their werewolf guard.

"This isn't a place for a child," said Lily. "I don't care what she says. She shouldn't be here. We've got to get her out."

"But what if we can't?" James said.

Sirius snorted. " _That's_ what you say? What if we can't? The kid's in trouble, even if she doesn't know it. It's lousy to give up like that! We're in the middle of an army, Prongsie. Lils is right. Kids don't belong in places like this. If we don't get her, she'll _die_ on a battlefield. Maybe not today, but way too soon."

Lily didn't know if she should be grateful that Sirius delivered the winning argument or cry.

"You're all forgetting something," said Remus.

"What?" Lily snipped.

"We've got to save ourselves before we save her."

"Oh…" Lily mumbled.

"Sorry to say, but we can't count on Severus to pop in and fix everything," Remus said.

"Of course, not," Lily sighed.

"Why do you rush into things without thinking?" James muttered Lily.

"It's who I am! Why can't you people understand that? I'd _die_ for what's right."

James shook his head. "Severus is right to love you so dearly…"

"Thanks. I… think." If she hadn't been bound, she would have left the room to dispel some of the tension, but since that wasn't an option, she changed the subject. "You have to wonder—when werewolves transform, why aren't they body-bound? It would make them defenseless while they're dangerous."

Remus explained. "Werewolves are magically repellent—that's why they're dangerous. Body-binding, sleeping spells, magic ropes—none of that works. If a werewolf touches a magical rope, it'll break. Same with dragons and trolls."

"Moony?" said James. "You know I love you, man, right? And I'd never, ever want to hurt you. You're like a brother to me."

"What're you getting at, Prongs?" Remus said.

"I'd like to know that too," Sirius put in.

"We all agreed our chances for survival are pretty slim and we should consider any possibility of escape, right?" said James.

"Yeah," Sirius nodded.

A tiny sliver of hope rose in Lily's heart. "You've got an idea?"

"Just now," said James. "Remus, I'm so sorry, and if I could see any other way out of this that didn't get us killed, I'd do it, I swear."

"Prongs…" Remus looked hesitant. "Do what you've got to do."

"Believe me, I'm sorry," James whispered before yelling to the nearest werewolf—the blond, "Yo! Beastie!"

"What?"

"Yeah, you. You're not so dangerous, are you, beast-born?" James snorted. "Pathetic!"

"James," Lily hissed, "What're you—"

James gave her the best nudge he could muster under the circumstances.

"Hey, Bad-breath," Sirius picked up for James, "I'm sure happy I'm not as hairy as you. I mean, phew! That's gotta be a fate worse than death."

"It is," the blond sneered. "Like to try it, pretty boy?"

"Hah!" Sirius rolled his eyes. "Werewolves are born, not made. I, however, am a full-blood wizard. I can't become a werewolf."

"Right you are, Padfoot," James said. "I'm a full-blood too, and you're really going to be sorry when the right people figure out you have us."

Lily pieced everything together and took Remus' hand to reassure him.

"Oh, so you can't be werewolves?" said the blond. "Too good to be one of us, he says. Too _important_! Well, shouldn't we see about that? I'll show you what old Fenrir discovered. We can halt transformation, or expose it." He drew a wand.

Remus let go of Lily's hand and scooted as far away as he could manage.

"Oh, brother," said the dark-skinned man. "I suppose they'd have died, anyway."

" _Lupus Lunara_!" The blond declared. A ball of light escaped his wand and floated to the ceiling. He spread his arms and looked at the light as everyone else covered their eyes. The man twisted and howled as his back, arms and legs stretched and morphed. He screamed, yowled in agonized delight.

But he wasn't the only one.

Bound, Remus couldn't shield his eyes and he yelped and cried as the transformation took him.

The dark-skinned man cursed. "That kid's already one of us!"

The invisible bonds around the Marauders snapped.

"Run for it!" James grabbed the still-transforming Remus by one arm and dragged him along. Sirius took the other arm, and Lily sprinted after them, but not before she dove for the backpack. She hugged it to her chest as she ran after the boys.

None of the werewolves understood what happened, and no one uncovered their eyes since that meant transformation, and instant pain.

"Hold on, bro!" James called to Remus. "We're almost out of here."

"The castle," Sirius said. "We can hide in the castle!"

Lily led the way.

Remus groaned as he shrank back to normal size, face and hands finding their proper shape again. "That was the _stupidest_ plan you've ever had." His face paled and he looked like he might throw up.

"I'm so sorry," said James.

"We're alive. What's there to say?" Remus did his best to help James and Sirius along instead of being dead weight, but he trembled with every step. "We know how they cheat now." His face went from ashen to green. "But I think I'm gonna hurl.

"There they are!" Came a shout from behind. "After them!"

Lily clutched the bag closer. _The invisibility cloak!_ She rummaged as she ran. When she found the cloak, she pushed the boys to the ground behind a low hill and threw herself over them, the silvery cloak spread to cover all four just as the werewolves sped past them.

Lily held her breath as their pursuers hurried away. Beneath her, Remus vomited.

"Hey!" James protested. "My cloak!" He wriggled out of the pile and took the cloak with him, away from the mess and a heaving Remus.

"Ewww!" Sirius scrambled away, trying to wipe the stinking chunks off his coat with some wet leaves.

Sweat rolled off Remus and he was paler than before. His hair stuck to his forehead as he dried his mouth on one sleeve. "Werewolf transformation is unnatural in the first place. This is worse! I can't even imagine what the consequences of doing it frequently are. They could die from this… or worse."

"What's worse than dying?" said Sirius as he gave his soiled coat a disgusted look before he took it off and rubbed it in a clump of scraggly grass, as if that would banish the stink.

"I could think of a few things," Remus said as he wiped the sweat from his face and neck.

Lily sat beside Remus and touched the back of her hand to his head. "You're burning us," she whispered. "You shouldn't have come with us."

"I knew what I was getting into," Remus said sternly. "And, by the way, good thinking, Lily."

After a nod to Lily, James said, "You must feel terrible, Remus."

"That's putting it lightly."

"We'd better get to the castle and get you somewhere dry." James hefted Remus' one arm while Lily beat Sirius to the other. They began the slow trudge to the castle.

* * *

Once inside, Sirius led them upstairs to a dust-filled, web-covered bedroom. A fireplace covered one wall.

"Shoot!" Sirius groaned as Lily and James flipped back the dust cover and set Remus on the bed. "How do you start a fire without a wand? We're doomed!"

Lily almost chuckled. "You _do_ realize only three percent of the world's population are wizards, right?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Sirius said.

" _They've_ had fire as long as we have, and plenty of ways to make it." Lily snagged James' glasses. "Do you mind?"

"Hey! What was that for?" James protested.

"Watch." Lily arranged long-dry wood in the dark fireplace and knelt.

"That's the trouble. Without my glasses, I _can't_ watch."

Lily angled the lenses toward the sun and focused a shaft of light on the kindling. A minute passed. Two. Nothing. Then a smolder began, followed by a tiny flame.

"Whoa!" Sirius took a step back. "I thought you didn't know how to do wandless magic."

"It's not magic," Lily said. "I used the sun's rays and intensified them with the glasses."

"Sounds like magic to me," Sirius said. "I didn't understand any of that."

Lily returned James' glasses and checked Remus' temperature again. "You're still burning up."

"I feel better though." Remus gave her a vague smile, but his hair still plastered to his pale face.

"Great…" Lily shook her head. "We only have the rest of today and tomorrow."

"I know you don't want to consider this." James sat beside her on the bed. "But what if I went in there alone, under the invisibility cloak? That would leave me free to roam around. Only I could get caught. I could try to get the wands and Evelyn. Then we'd be good to go."

"Or, even better." Lily crossed her arms, defiant. "I'll borrow the cloak and go in."

"No! Absolutely not," James said.

"Besides," Remus managed as he lay down. "You heard Evelyn. Fenrir sees me as one of his children. It'd be best if I go. Even if I get caught, it's unlikely they'll hurt me."

"You're sick," said Sirius. "And why can't I go? I'll just turn into a dog and run. They'll think I'm a werewolf too."

"That's stupid, Pad!" James snapped.

"I got us into this sorry mess," said Lily. "It's only fair I get us out."

"I said, 'No'!" James stood.

"I'm not a child." Lily stood too and glared up into his face. "Why does everyone treat me like one?"

"Because you're a seventeen-year-old girl who rushes into things!" James shot back. "And you bite off way more than you can chew. Who do you think you are? The chosen one? Destined to go out saving everyone?" Say what you will about Snape, but at least he thinks things through before bowling in. To jump into his plans is the same as disturbing him."

"I know Sev. He's _my_ old friend, and I _love_ him!" Lily said,

"Do you?" James said. "Then tell me—honestly—would he be the least bit happy to see you here?"

Lily started to reply—to give James an answer, any straight answer she could find. But nothing came out, no matter how hard she tried.

"I see." James sat in a nearby chair, not bothering to remove the dust cover.

Red crept up Lily's neck and face as she tried to blink away tears. _Why can't I just answer him?_

"So… why are we here?" Sirius said.

Lily glared at James, the same way she used to when she found his advances disgusting—but this time was worse. "Several good reasons: beating some sense into Sev's thick skull so we can figure out what's going on, trying to pick up a trace of the other Horcruxes and, most importantly, saving Evelyn."

"We're stuck here," James muttered. "Without wands, a plan, without _anything_. Thanks, Lily."

"You're welcome, _James_ ," she replied coldly.

"Guys?" said Remus. "I hate to disturb you, but…" He struggled to sit up and cringed at the effort. "I hear voices."

"Oh no." Sirius shook his head. "Now Moony's going insane too."

Remus gave Sirius a sour look. "I mean from the floor below. Could someone be using the castle?"

"Who'd want this dusty old dump?" said Sirius.

Lily pressed an ear to the floor. "I'd recognize that horrible voice anywhere. It's Umbridge."

"Umbridge?!" The boys exclaimed in wide-eyed unison.

James dropped to the floor and joined Lily, listening.

"Wait, who? And who's that talking with her?" said Sirius.

"You're such an idiot," Lily said. "It's probably the same ones we saw earlier—the Ministry people talking with Fenrir."

"What?" Sirius persisted.

"We saw her, remember?" said James. "At the drug trial last year. She's head of the Department for Magical Creatures, _and_ she's the one responsible for everything getting more difficult for Remus. She's constantly in the newspapers with her oh-so-good intentions about werewolves—the fat lady in pink who yelled at Fenrir yesterday."

"Ohhh! I hate her! Let's go hurt her!" Sirius said.

Lily kept her ear pressed to the floor, but Umbridge and whoever she was with had stopped talking.

"Wait," said Remus. "That's the Ministry. We can't fight the Ministry!"

"It's corrupt," said Lily. "We can't trust them, and no one can see us here. They'd have no problem with hurting Evelyn or Sev."

"Besides, this is Umbridge," said James. "She'd love to have an excuse to kill you—literally."

"I say we kill her first," Sirius grinned. Lily and the boys glared at him. "Kidding!"

"Quiet!" Lily hissed. "We don't want them to know we're up here. What if they discover us?"

"What if they already heard us?" said James.

Everyone quit talking. They listened for any hint that Umbridge was headed their way. Lily could have sworn her heart hammered like the biggest drum in England.

But no one came. Nothing happened.

"If they heard us," Sirius whispered, "don't you think they'd have come for us by now?"

Lily swallowed hard and nodded. "Now what?"

"We stay here," James said, "and we're very, _very_ quiet. The second those Ministry people clear out, we do too."

"I like that," Lily agreed.

But Umbridge and company didn't seem to have any intention of leaving soon, and all four Marauders kept intent watch well into the night.

Remus fell asleep first, then Lily curled up next to him and fell asleep too.

* * *

Twice that night James woke Sirius from his snoring slumber in the chair, only to doze off himself as Lily woke.

The hours crawled.

When James finally woke, he yawned and found his invisibility cloak tucked into Lily's backpack.

"Where do you think you're going?" said Lily.

"The loo, madame." James stood. "If you don't mind."

"Oh." Lily seemed to realize how long it had been since they'd left Hogwarts. "Actually… can I borrow the cloak when you're done?"

"If you promise the loo is the only place you're going," said James.

"You're not very good at trusting people," Lily said.

"You don't make it any easier, Miss Rush-in-without-permission," James snapped before he swung the cloak around him. "Back in a minute." He cracked open the door, checked the hall and slipped out. Seconds later he found the stairs. _Probably easier to go outside in the bushes than fumble around trying to find the loo. Less likely to get caught that way too._

The trek outside proved uneventful and James managed to keep out of sight.

Once done, he secured the cloak and headed for the castle entrance. As he stepped through the door, long scrawny fingers snatched him into a tiny, dark room and threw back the invisibility cloak. He screamed like a little girl.

Two furious black eyes burned into his soul and a cold white hand clapped over his mouth. "Quiet," the low, smooth voice hissed.

With a gulp and a nod, James stared up at the young man who towered over him.

The hand released his mouth.

"Sn-Sn-Snape?" James barely recognized him. He looked dangerous. And mad.

"Who else?" Severus sneered, sounding nothing like any Snape James knew. His black gaze was chilling. "Tell me, _Potter_ , what are you and your little gang doing here?"

"S-same as you. I… think. Evelyn. We s-saw her in the _Prophet."_

"I've worked months to get where I am," Severus snarled and grabbed James' collar. "Planning, infiltrating, all to get Evelyn. You're in the way. You're ruining _everything_ , Potter! I hope you realize that!"

"Tell me about it…" James said. "I tried to tell Lily, honestly, but she would've come anyway!"

Severus' expression didn't change.

_He doesn't look anything like a seventeen-year-old wizard. Is he even human?_

Severus' black eyes gleamed and his unusually strong hand still held tight to James' collar, but his grip loosened just enough for James to wriggle free.

"Get out of here," Severus snarled.

"Hold on, now." James took a step back to avoid getting snagged again. "Lily's done nothing but worry about you every day since you left. The least you could do is talk to her."

"What I do or don't do is no concern of yours," Severus hissed. "Get back to Hogwarts, _now_!"

"Love to, but the werewolves took our wands," said James. "Care to help, Severus?"

"Since when have we been on a first-name basis?"

"Since the day I promised to look out for you." James almost grinned. "So, tell me, Severus, old pal, what've you been up to lately?"

" _That_ is not your concern, _Potter._ " Severus' tone terrified James—nothing remotely resembling how he'd spoken before.

"No, seriously," James swallowed his fear, "what've you been doing? Why didn't you come back? How could you know about Evelyn months in advance?"

"As I said. That's no concern of yours." Severus took a candelabra from a nearby table. " _Portus_." He held the candelabra out to James. "This Portkey will activate in twenty minutes and go straight to Hogwarts. Now, _go_!"

James took the impromptu key. "You have to talk to Lily. Please!"

"I trust you're taking good care of her?" said Severus.

"Trying," James nodded, "but it's not—"

"Then that's that." Severus threw the invisibility cloak over James and shoved him away. " _Go_!"

"You're the only person I know who's more stubborn than Lily. You two were made for each other! I'd hate to be a guest at your house!"

"Go!" Severus insisted again. "And don't you dare look for me. You won't find me."

"Fine," James said. "But you have to explain yourself sometime. How'd you get here?"

"Not your concern." Severus shoved James into the entry hall and shut the door in his face.

James went upstairs, careful not to let the old floor creak under his feet. _Should've dragged him with me. But Snape's got a wand, and I don't… yet._

Back in the old bedroom, Remus lay in bed, still looking ill. Lily seemed determined and worried, and Sirius was far more sober than usual.

James threw off the cloak and handed the candelabra to Remus. "Hold this for me."

"What for?" Remus wiped sweat from his brow, though he did look better than before.

"Just hold it for ten minutes. That's all."

"O… kay…."

James sat in his chair and waited.

Remus vanished.

"What just happened?" Lily said.

"It was a Portkey," said James. "Remus is back at Hogwarts. I knew no one would've fallen for it if I'd asked two to hold it at the same time, so I picked Remus. He's sick. Snape made it. He's hiding somewhere downstairs."

"What?" Lily shot to her feet and brightened like a flower having just seen the sun after months of cloudy weather. "Sev's here? I knew it! He had to come. He's controlled by his heart. Of all times, he _had_ to be here now for Evelyn."

* * *

Outside the bedroom door, Severus whispered, "Idiots. Fools…"


	12. The Story of the Half Blood Prince.

_–_ _Four months ago –_

_Spinner's End, worn, dirty, poor, and about to fall apart, teemed with tiny houses squashed together like too many sponges in a grimy wash bucket. But one patch boasted only charred remains, and that only enough to fill a small wheelbarrow._

An old man, broad-shouldered, with a beard, iron gray hair to his shoulders and a firm jaw stood near the bare lot. He wore fine, black muggle clothes and his knuckled fingers hung at his sides. Black eyes, heavy and empty, stared at the scene.

The transfiguration of eye color proved a more difficult spell, so he was stuck with them, but the rest of his appearance was unrecognizable. Wrinkles replaced smooth skin, shoulders broadened, height lessened just a bit, cheeks sank due to a constant glower. The beard was new. In place of his signature hooked nose sat a smaller, wider, downright flat nose.

In lieu of using his limited Polyjuice Potion supply, Severus placed charms that needed reapplication daily—instead of hourly. Safer that way. Even if he missed a day, the transformation would stay in place for a while, and reversion to his true self would happen slowly over the course of several days, or if someone threw a revelation charm.

The decision not to use Polyjuice meant he wouldn't have to worry about becoming someone else's double—a potential inconvenience—and he could save his Polyjuice for any impersonations he might need to pull.

 _Now, I look the same way I feel… like an old, unpleasant man. Finally, a good illustration of my life._ He kicked a charred piece of rubble farther into the lot where his house once stood. _An old, burned down hovel…_

Only a year ago he'd sat by a stream with the love of his life, making a mental list of what he did and didn't want.

He wanted Lily… but didn't deserve her. He wanted her friendship… still did. He wanted her safety… but he'd failed miserably at that.

He didn't want to become a teacher—but ended up acting like one anyway, giving Defence lessons as if his own life depended on it.

He didn't want to live mired in deceit and lies. _As I walk around pretending to be Johan Jones. Good job, old boy…_

He didn't want to be thrust into complicated schemes. _Hah. That's a laugh._

And he didn't want his only reason for living to be paying off a debt. _But that's exactly what I'm doing, isn't it?_

The only goal he'd succeeded in—somewhat—was not being in league with Voldemort. Instead, he'd managed to become his sworn enemy. _Wonderful…_ And he'd been stupid enough to think he could be someone others respected—and foolish enough to think he could respect _himself_.

_This is pointless… me being here, twenty-two years out of my own timeline. I'm worse than useless. Can't even protect the ones who depend on me. Can't keep them safe, no matter how hard I try._

He left the blackened rubble to wander Spinner's End.

He'd gotten nothing out of the past few months, though he'd searched, listened to Death Eaters, and followed the next logical step besides finding the Horcruxes. He'd sought to be in the thick of the action, tried to snatch clues to the whereabouts of the rest of the Horcruxes and rejoined the Order of the Phoenix—though few knew it was him.

* * *

" _This is my choice, Albus," said Severus as he sat across from Dumbledore at a crowded café, the ideal place for their meeting. "I can't rest until he's defeated, and I need to be part of that."_

_Dumbledore nodded. "I won't take you for granted, and I'll honor your wishes." He folded his hands. "But I need to be sure you're not just running away."_

_Severus raised a brow. "You know how to read people—even me. You always did. Lying to you seems futile." He took a sip from his teacup. "I have my reasons. This is my choice. Take my help or don't."_

" _Of course, I'll take it." Dumbledore sighed. "You knew that even before we met. I fear_ you _can read_ me _far too well too. I'm not sure what I'd have told you in another lifetime. You'd be safest at Hogwarts, and that's where you_ should _be for another year, but you don't want that, and I can't keep you. You've fallen into a difficult position. You're V_ _o_ _ldemort's priority—he fears you, wants you killed before you can grow any stronger. To everyone other than me—and to take a guess, Miss Evans—you're just a seventeen-year-old. I don't think many Order members will want to cooperate. They'll probably treat you as a child."_

" _That I intend to disguise." Severus indicated himself. "This persona carries no importance in the Wizarding World or anyplace else. I'm still myself. It doesn't matter whether it's Severus Snape or Leonard Jones who goes on field missions."_

" _Of course," said Dumbledore. "Seems like a good plan to me. I'll put you to use right away. But we don't just attack Death Eaters. We gather information; we protect. That's what you're to do on this mission. A family of muggleborn parents needs a grunt for safe passage to Germany. You'll meet with Arthur Weasley at the Leaky Cauldron. Do you know how you'll be contacted for a meeting?"_

" _A message from Fawkes," said Severus with a smirk._

" _Indeed. I trust you can handle yourself when there's nothing to do?"_

_Severus nodded._

* * *

These past months as Leonard Jones, the old, grumpy, and frankly unpopular Order member, had seen him doing whatever he could—not for glory or recognition, but for redemption. He wanted two things, Lily's safety, and revenge against Voldemort. But he'd come no closer to his goals.

His feet took him to a building that still stood but housed no one. The Evans' home. Uncovered windows betrayed empty rooms. The gardens grew unkept, and grass spilled from the yard, tangled with weeds.

Lilies, petunias, marguerites and violets jumbled into unordered chaos in the flowerbeds as weeds choked them.

With a wary glance over his shoulder, Severus stepped into the garden and plucked a handful of weeds from among the flowers, but it made little difference. The weeds had taken root too deeply. _Shouldn't have come here in the first place._ He chided himself as he tossed the weeds aside and left.

If Severus' thoughts had been less shrouded in gloom, perhaps he would have noticed the weeds he'd plucked were mistflower. Only one of the buds had bloomed, and Severus hadn't realized. In time, dozens of tiny white flowers would mingle with the others, not obscuring them, but pulling them together, even though most thought mistflower a weed.

* * *

_–_ _A few weeks later –_

Severus perched carefully on a rooftop in Diagon Alley, careful to stay out of sight of the Death Eaters searching the street below for the Marauders and their friends.

_Of all the—Merlin! Fool Marauders! Do they even know the meaning of safety? What were they thinking, coming here? Everyone at that mansion is a target. As dense as Potter, Black and Lucy are, they're not so moronic as that. And Lily, Remus and Regulus are with them—at least those three have brains. They should've said this was a rotten idea. They're kids all right, the lot of them._

_At least they're gone now. Well, I hope so, anyway._

Kreacher had proven a faithful house-elf—as all house-elves were, if their masters were kind to them. A quick _Imperius_ on Lucy served to deliver his message about Kreacher to Regulus. He'd chosen the girl as the most simple-minded of the group, including Sirius Black, the mutt—surprisingly. But Lucy was just so… simple. His diversion had helped too, though.

 _Good thing I followed them from the Leaky Cauldron._ He'd been sitting at a table, in plain sight, wearing the guise of Leonard. _Stupid kids. I'm going to hex Dumbledore next time I see him! No, I suppose they're on holiday, so I can't hold Dumbledore accountable. And they have three more weeks off. I suppose I'll count myself lucky they've stayed out of trouble until now._

Maybe it would be safer for them if he went back to Hogwarts so he could yank their ears when they did such foolish things. _But that's not where I need to be… I'm supposed to be here._

With not a few mutters and curses, Severus crept down the roof and dropped quietly into the main street. The second he did, he felt eyes on him. Severus turned to find Remus Lupin's face on a poster hung on the near wall. "Be on the lookout. Werewolf attending Hogwarts" was written under the picture.

Severus ripped the poster down and summoned any other copies. Thankfully, there were only three. Another poster caught his eye. A little girl. Severus sighed as he ripped that one down too. Evelyn.

_Why are common wizards such cowards?_

For his trouble, he decided to treat himself to a spot of Firewhisky. The walk back to the Leaky Cauldron was uneventful.

Though never one to drink enough to get drunk—though that would have long been the easy way out—Severus found he liked the taste of Firewhisky. Seeking redemption meant not adding yet another sin to the list. That, and he refused to become his father.

Inside the Leaky Cauldron, a drunk blond woman sat at the long center table. She hadn't moved an inch since Severus left to follow the Marauders and their friends. Pathetic.

"One Firewhisky," Severus barked at Tom the bartender. "Make it a strong one."

Tom raised a brow as Severus took a seat down the table from the woman. "That must've been an exciting escapade, Mr. Jones."

Severus snorted.

"No need to be rude," Tom said dryly. "One Firewhisky, coming up."

The blond woman stirred at their voices.

 _Isn't it about time to throw a bucket of water over her head so she can stagger home to bed?_ It wasn't yet midday, and already she was the picture of pitifulness.

"I wanna Firewhisky too…" the woman slurred.

Tom shook his head as he gave Severus his drink. To the woman he said, "You've had quite enough. I'll get you some water."

"Jus' gimme the Firewhisky!" the woman was instantly beside Severus and half-way over the table, trembling hands tangled in Tom's collar. Her red face and eyes said this wasn't her first drinking spree. "That or gimme my daughter! But I s'pose you can't do that—like everyone else on this stupid planet!" She cursed in Tom's face. "So, gimme that Firewhisky!"

"I don't' know what happened to your daughter, but you need to calm down," Tom said in a tone that betrayed how often he'd dealt with drunks.

"Look at all a you up on that high horse," the woman spat. "Think you're better than her—that she's not worth anything! You're wrong! She's worth more than anyone in this awful place, and I want her _back_!" She shook Tom, death grip still on his collar. "Just gimme Evelyn!" She burst into tears, let go of the bartender and sank into the seat next to Severus.

"Andrea?" Severus said in a moment of realization.

"You know her?" said Tom.

"Sort of…"

Andrea Clearwater, Evelyn's mother, faced Severus. "You know my name…" she whispered. "I don't know you." Anger replaced momentary confusion. "You're one a _them_!"

"No, I—"

Andrea grabbed Severus, rage now fully focused on him instead of Tom. The reek of alcohol rolled off her breath in putrid waves. "Gimme my daughter!"

"I don't have Evelyn. And I didn't take her."

"You're from the Ministry!" Andrea let him go as if he were a piece of piping metal. She scrambled away, knocked over her chair and thunked to the floor. "Get away from me. I'm not insane!" The next instant she groveled at his feet. "Please, help me. I'll do anything. Just give me back my Evelyn!"

"Andrea, I don't know—"

"Slime!" She stood and took a staggered step. "Filthy, horrid old man, you don't know anything! She's worth more than any of you lot!" Andrea spit at him. "Cowards!"

"That's enough!" Severus sneered and pushed the woman away. He stood, towering over her. Her eyes turned fearful again as he grabbed her wrist.

"Let go!" she screamed and tried to twist away. "I'm not crazy! Let go! Let go! I didn't do anything wrong! We didn't do—"

Severus pulled her into a tight hold and forced a vial full of liquid down her throat as she struggled and nearly choked. Forced to swallow, she blinked; her eyes misted, and she slumped into Severus' arms.

"What'd you do?" said a wide-eyed Tom.

"Sleeping draught," Severus said. "The kind that guarantees she'll be sober when she wakes."

Tom shook his head. "So many senseless victims in these dark times. Poor woman."

To Severus, this only proved again how weak Andrea was. He sighed and hefted the unconscious woman. "What does she owe?"

"Three sickles and five knuts."

Severus tossed four sickles on the table to include his Firewhisky—which he hadn't gotten to drink—before hauling Andrea out of the Leaky Cauldron.

With a pop, he disapparated.

* * *

_–_ _The next day –_

Severus frowned, arms crossed as he sat beside Andrea's bed. _How do I keep getting into these stupid situations? I'm supposed to be the sullen grump who doesn't care a wit about others' feelings. And I was good at it, too—until this new life. Now, I can barely get through one day without having to watch over someone I barely know… but can't bring myself to leave behind._

Now that the sleeping draught had worn off, she groaned and held her head. "Ow… What a headache…"

Severus cleared his throat.

Andrea's eyes flew open. "Who're you? Where have you taken me?" She sprang from the bed and tumbled to the floor, clutching her stomach.

"Calm down," said Severus, annoyed now. Her little stunt at the pub had costed her his respect. How he hated drunks.

"I demand to know who you are!" she growled from the floor. "Let me go! Did you come to poke fun at me? Well, it isn't funny. Did the Ministry send you?" Horror filled her face. "Did Erick send you to get me out of the way?"

"None of that," Severus said sternly as he got up, hauled her to her feet by the wrists and shoved her back onto the bed. "And stop the hysterics!"

"No! You let me go. Right now!"

"So you can go have another drink?"

"What does that matter to you?" she hissed.

"It matters—" Severus sneered, "—because you should be ashamed! What would Evelyn think?"

"Evelyn…" Andrea paled. "How do you—You _are_ one of them, aren't you?" She pointed a shaking finger at him. "What did you do? Where did you take her? She was _fine_ as she was! Give her back!" Andrea flew at him, nails aimed for his eyes.

"Stop it!" He grabbed her firmly. "Sit down right now." He threw her onto the bed again. This time, she gave him a sour, defiant look and spit in his face. "That's it," Severus hissed through clenched teeth. He drew his wand.

Andrea's expression changed from defiant to shocked. "Just let me go! I'm of no use to anyone."

"Clearly."

"Then put the wand away!"

"Believe me, I want to, but this appears to be the only way you'll calm down." He pointed the wand at himself. " _Finite Incantatem._ " Warmth spread over him as he reverted to his true form. It was as if he'd carried eight tons on his shoulders and had his nose pressed flat with tape. To be himself again was a relief. "Now, will you look at me?"

"I know you!"

"My name is Severus Snape. We met last summer. Remember?"

"Severus!" she whispered… then did the opposite of what he'd hoped. She spit at him again. "This is all _your_ fault! She thinks she's a warrior now! And I went along with it because it seemed like a fun game for her. How could you tell her to fight? She took it seriously! But I didn't think she'd do something so stupid!" Andrea wilted and started to sob.

"At least I'm not the one going on a drinking spree," he quipped.

"Don't you dare!"

"Oh, I'd dare." Severus glowered. "Drunk parents are pitiful. I may be a lot of things, but at least I'm not _that_!"

Ashamed, Andrea looked away.

"Have you calmed down now?"

Andrea slowly nodded, ears red as she squinted to hold back tears.

"Good." Severus pulled his chair closer. "Here." He handed over a vial from his inner pocket.

Apprehensive, Andrea eyed it. "What's that?"

"Should help with your hangover—judging from the state I found you in at the pub."

Shame covered her face, but she took the vial and drank it. As the potion worked, she fell back onto the bed. "Can I have some water, please?" Her voice was hoarse, something Severus hadn't noticed during her hysteria.

He conjured a glass of water and let her drink it. She gulped down the whole thing in a few seconds.

"Tell me what happened, and what in Merlin's name drove you to such a pitiful state? I thought better of you," said Severus.

"People think they know so much about me," Andrea muttered sourly. "They took Evelyn—Fenrir Greyback's pack. I tried to stop them." Tears welled in her eyes again. "But I couldn't." She cursed in frustration. "Why is it always her who has to be the brave one? That's _my_ job, and I'm lousy at it! The first thing I did was go to the Ministry, begging for help, but they said they couldn't waste time on a half-breed. Said they have more important things to do.

"I went to my mother, but she said I'd finally gotten what was coming to me. I even went to _Erick_ , but he threw me out—said he'd come after me if I tried anything." Andrea hammered a fist into the bedpost. "It's not fair! Why do they keep insisting she isn't worth anything? Why doesn't the world care? I was a shallow teenager when I had her, but she shouldn't pay for that. _I_ should, not her! It's not fair! I just want her safe." She sobbed now. "I kept going back to the Ministry—fought my way into different departments. It ended with security warning me away."

"Who's Erick?" said Severus.

"My… ex-husband… We divorced shortly after Evelyn was bitten," Andrea said, her guilt and sorrow clear. "Please, don't judge him. We were so young when we got married, when Evelyn was born." She laughed bitterly. "We were the school's power couple. That made us blind. And unprepared. We thought we didn't need anything but pink colored love clouds."

Only now did Severus realize how young Andrea looked. Her anguish last summer had masked it, but she couldn't be more than twenty-seven or twenty-eight. "And you had nowhere else to go?"

"I lost contact with all my old friends from Hogwarts," she said. "I tried to find them, but everyone's in hiding these days."

"You've been living alone since Evelyn was bitten?"

Andrea nodded.

 _No wonder she resorted to the bottle…_ Never had he thought he could sympathize with a parent who'd stooped to drinking, but instead of judgment, he felt compassion for this woman who'd raised such a wonderful daughter.

 _No wonder Evelyn seemed so brave. She's been strong for herself_ and _her mother._ _B_ _ut where is she? Will she turn when she discovers the ugly truth about what she is? That's the last thing I want for her. Will the werewolves realize? Will they kill her? Is she already dead?_ A thousand reasons they might have killed Evelyn flooded in. She shouldn't be with the werewolves. "Do you have any idea where they took her?"

Andrea shook her head. "They came to our house—they got me. Evelyn ran straight at them. She wanted to defend me. When they had her, they apparated away. Please… help me."

Severus sighed. "I'll do whatever little I can."

A tear rolled down Andrea's cheek. "Thank you," she whispered. "You're the first person who—"

"There's not much I can do. If you haven't figured out by now, I'm not in a good situation either. And I can't afford you tagging along."

Andrea bit her lip.

"I know some people you should meet. If we're lucky, they may help you. At the very least, they can sympathize."

"I don't want sympathy!" Andrea crossed her arms. "I want Evelyn."

"I see that. But what are you going to do? Try to break into the Ministry again so you can spend a week in Azkaban for your trouble? I don't think you'll find her that way."

Andrea started to snap back but stopped, face red. She looked away.

"Get cleaned up. Bathroom's that way," Severus pointed to the door to his right. "I don't have any women's clothes, so you'll either have to make do with what you have or take one of my robes. Though you'll probably trip in them. Let's hope the people we visit are willing to help."

"I'd like a robe." Andrea's face was redder now than before.

"That trunk." Severus indicated the chest in the corner. "I see little reason to unpack since I move around a lot. Pick any of them."

"Thanks…" Andrea muttered as she shuffled toward the trunk.

"And don't be alarmed if I look different when you come out. I have to disguise myself."

"Are you in trouble?" she said. "Why do you need a disguise?"

" _That_ isn't your concern," Severus snapped. "The fewer people who know my whereabouts, the better. And if you hold yours or Evelyn's life dear, you'll tell no one you've seen me."

" _He's_ after you… isn't he?" Andrea shuddered. "You-Know-Who…"

"Go on." Severus shooed her toward the trunk. "No use standing around."

Andrea opened the chest. On top lay Leonard Jones' wider clothes. "Do you have anything other than black?" She shuffled through the top layer of clothing and found Severus' robes, longer, smaller, befitting his skinny frame. Andrea looked surprised as she pulled out a grey and green striped scarf. "You're a Slytherin…"

"So it would seem," Severus said from his chair as he held up a small mirror and carefully put his disguise back in place.

"But, back at Hogwarts I—they—I thought—"

"—all Slytherins are narrow-minded purists? You thought there were more stupid, arrogant people in that house than the others. But it's a symptom of ambition that sometimes takes over—especially during youth. With half a brain and a little perspective, there's no reason Slytherins should be more tempted than others. Death Eaters aren't spawned exclusively from Slytherin."

"Sorry…" Andrea mumbled. "I guess it's just… As a Hufflepuff, I never had the best experiences with… Slytherins. But I always heard—"

"—the Dark Lord favors Slytherins? He does. Because _he's_ a narrow-minded idiot, and Slytherin is where most purebloods sort into, but when you've done the things I have, house and family matters little to him."

Andrea swallowed hard as she returned to rummaging. She settled on a forest green robe with bronze lining—the one Lily gave him for Christmas—which he hadn't worn since before their break-up.

* * *

When Andrea finished washing up, Severus was still finishing his disguise. It took three hours to apply properly and was a quick, messy job. Since he couldn't brag about being a Metamorphmagus, he had to do it the hard way.

"Severus…?" Andrea stood in the bathroom doorway. The chosen robes fit well—except for the four-inch trail dragging the floor. "This might be a stupid question, but… how old are you?"

"You're right. It is stupid." Severus adjusted his false nose—one of the hardest pieces of the disguise.

"Sorry. You just confuse me. Evelyn was so sure you were an ancient warrior, and I see why, but… you're so young…"

"I'm seventeen, if you must know. Any more stupid questions?"

"That young?" Andrea gaped at him. "Is it just me, or weren't you nicer last year?"

"It's you."

"You've grown sullen." She put her hands in the robe pockets. Something rustled. She pulled out a little paper note and opened it only to blush. She was about to put it back when she said, "How's Lily?"

Severus stopped and turned sharp eyes toward Andrea. "Why would you ask that?"

"Oh… you…" She held the little parchment piece closer.

Severus eyed the note. "Give me that! It's private!"

Still looking unsure and quite embarrassed, Andrea went to Severus and held out the note. He snatched it away.

"She's not hurt, is she?" said Andrea. "I hope not. She seemed very nice."

Severus did his best to gather every stray emotion as he pocketed the note. "She's fine. For now." That note was the Christmas card that came with the robe. He hadn't wanted to throw it away, so he carried it around as a charm. That little letter was probably his most prized possession.

It read:

_Dearest Severus,_

_I send you all my love, since, unfortunately, I can't just give it to you—as I should here on Christmas. I'm sad we can't spend it together, but next year there won't be any excuses. And I'll be sure to put the mistletoe in the hallway where we're bound to stand._

_Try to imagine that for a bit. The two of us, under the mistletoe._

_You felt that? I did! You're a great kisser, by the way. I wish you were here so I could give you a hug and tell you how much I love you._

_Love,_

_Lily_

That letter, written specifically for him and him alone, carried all her love. In the pocket alongside it was a cracked ring and a smashed pair of glasses. The gesture stung. "There's some food in the cupboards if you're hungry. I'll be another half hour."

Andrea headed for the cupboards, but still seemed nervous and distracted.

* * *

Several hours later, Severus and Andrea appeared with a loud crack outside a small hut in the middle of the woods. Severus hesitated, then knocked on the door.

When it creaked open, a man peered out. He was mid-forties, leanly built with brown hair and mustache. He had a simple look about him. "Yes?" The greeting was polite, but cautious and Severus knew from his posture he had a wand ready just out of sight.

"I'm not here to harm you," said Severus. "This woman needs help and support. I'm not the right one to give it to her, but I'd hoped you might be." He nudged Andrea forward.

"Why's that?" said the man, suspicious.

Andrea fumbled to clasp together whitening hands.

"Tell them," Severus said to Andrea.

"It's—it's not her fault! You must believe me!" Andrea met the man's gaze. "She's a good kid. The world hasn't seen a better child, so, please…"

The man raised a brow. "I'm not sure what you mean. Could you explain?"

"Honestly, Lyall!" A woman said from somewhere inside the shack. "Coming to us, of all people, missing a child!" The woman, hair a sandy brown, opened the door wider. "Come in. Hurry! And don't worry. You're with friends. Our son is the best child on earth. It's just people who don't understand."

"Your son is a… a…" Andrea looked at the woman wide-eyed.

"A werewolf, yes." The woman ushered Severus and Andrea inside. "A werewolf bit him when he was five. I'm Hope Lupin, and this is Lyall Lupin, my husband."

Andrea gaped at the pair as Hope shut the door.

"You poor dear." Hope took Andrea's arm. "Come on into the living room. I'll get something to warm you up." She led the flabbergasted Andrea away.

Lyall shook his head. "Not another one…" He turned to Severus. "How do you know about us?"

"I know Remus," Severus said. "I barely know Andrea and found her again by coincidence because of her drinking. Neither of us have any connections and I'm hardly able to look after her. But if I left her, I fear it would only be a matter of time before she went back to drinking."

"So, you're asking if we'll take care of her for a while?" said Lyall.

"Yes. If Remus' personality is any representation of either of yours, I thought you my best chance."

"How exactly do you know Remus?" said Lyall.

"I was his teacher," Severus lied smoothly. "Defence Against the Dark Arts. Only for a year."

Lyall sighed. "I see. Why don't you come in, Mr.—?"

"Jones. Johan Jones. Thank you."

Lyall led Severus farther into the house. "It's safe to assume you're alone?"

"Of course."

"Of course!" A high-pitched screech echoed Severus' words. Atop a closet sat a grey parrot with scarlet tail feathers. Severus eyed the bird. "Of course!" the parrot repeated.

Lyall shot the parrot a scathing glance. "Keep quiet." To Severus he said, "Sorry for the hostility before, but you know."

"Can't be too careful in times like these," Severus said. "No matter who you are."

"Of course!" the parrot squawked.

Lyall's annoyance at the bird mirrored Severus'.

"That what you get instead of an owl these days?" Severus said dryly.

"If only that bird was half as useful as an owl," Lyall muttered.

"Of course!"

"Don't let it bother you. It only wants attention," said Lyall. "Would you like to stay, or are you leaving already?"

"I'd better be on my way as quickly as possible. Although… if you don't find the subject too insensitive…" Severus checked on Hope's and Andrea's whereabouts. Still in the other room. Lyall tensed but seemed curious. "I promised to do what I can to get Evelyn—Andrea's Lycanthropia infected daughter—and Fenrir has her. I'm sure he's tried to contact you over the years, in efforts to collect Remus. Any information you have would be useful, and…" He held Lyall's serious gaze, "if you could convince Andrea you don't know anything. If she asks, deny it. She's not fit to go out alone searching for her daughter, but she will if you give her any reason to."

"And you _are_ fit?" Lyall took in Severus' old appearance.

Severus held in a smirk. "Never judge a book by its cover."

"Of course! Of course!" The parrot fluttered around the ceiling.

"I told you to be quiet!" Lyall snapped at the parrot. He sighed and shut tired eyes. "I don't know much… but I'll tell you what I _do_ know."

"Wind in the sails. Wind in the sails!" sang the parrot as it lighted back on the closet.

Severus gave the parrot a dark look. "You mind if I hurt the bird?"

"Personally, I wouldn't," said Lyall. "But I know a couple people who would… Unfortunately. Come into the kitchen, away from that awful creature. We'll have a spot of tea, then we'll talk."

"Of course!"

Both men gave the parrot one last searing glare before they retreated to the Lupin's kitchen.

* * *

_–_ _A week later –_

The day was warm and sunny as Dumbledore walked beside Severus through Hogsmeade. "You're sure this is wise?" said the Headmaster.

Severus was disguised as Johan—a rather permanent state as of late.

"Keeping up such an appearance is difficult. Much could go wrong," Dumbledore said.

"Trust me, Albus. I know all about staying undercover, and you need someone as good as me inside. Johan will be a brilliant candidate from Australia, and, to Umbridge's liking, he'll hate werewolves and most other magical creatures." Severus threw in an evil smile. "She'll love him and never suspect for a moment." His expression turned serious. "I've been across England, fought Death Eaters and won, given you all the information you needed, transported at least fifty muggleborns to other parts of Europe, and still. Still—" Severus hissed. " _No_ Horcruxes. I'm doing dirty work when I'm much more valuable on the inside."

"School starts tomorrow," said Dumbledore. "You can still make it if you want."

"I thought I was clear," Severus sneered. "There's nothing for me there. I care about one thing—seeing the Dark Lord taken down."

"Voldemort," Dumbledore said pointedly, "his name is Voldemort, and I thought you were one of the few unafraid to say it."

"Last year, I lived on an idealistic cloud," said Severus. "Thank God I rose above that—got some sense back."

The Headmaster sighed. "Whatever you say. But I'll have you know, I disagree. I liked you much better when you floated on a so-called cloud."

Dumbledore's amusement annoyed Severus.

"But, if you must go undercover as Umbridge's right-hand man, then you must," said Dumbledore. "Although, I must say, even I'm not _that_ brave, and I'm the most powerful wizard of my generation."

"You were always so humble," Severus quipped.

"Thank you, Severus." Dumbledore smiled and bowed his head.

"Unfortunately, it's too difficult to get close to the Aurors these days," said Severus. "Something funny's going on in their department. Corruption's weaseled in."

"I already have people in there," said Dumbledore.

"Frank Longbottom and Alice Weatherfield are only trainees," Severus said sharply. "They're not prepared for that sort of threat. Besides, if I were you, I'd be worried about how distracted they are by each other."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes."

"So, it's a safe bet they'll get together?" Dumbledore chuckled. "If you could also remember which Quidditch team wins the tournament this year, it would be most gratifying."

Severus held back a grumble.

"By the way, there's an Order member who already knows what you're up to. She'll be the one keeping an eye on you."

"Who? And how did she find out? She's not one of the ones with an invisibility cloak following me, is she?" Severus said dryly.

"I'm sure you'll like her—very charming, colorful personality. Consider her your partner, and the one who'll look out for you. Her means of disguise will be quite obvious. Ah! There she is!" Albus looked up as someone flew down to them.

Severus paled. "You're _not_ serious."

"You're working for me, and that makes you my responsibility. I still don't know the extent of your power, so I like people to look after each other. And in my humble eyes, dear Severus, you do still have such a young appearance."


	13. The realities of war

It took James _and_ Sirius to keep Lily from breaking down the door to go find Severus.

"He's here—just outside!" Lily fought to get out of the boys' grip. "James, you _sod_! Why didn't you drag him with you?"

"What should I have done? Clock him with the candelabra?" James kept his hold on Lily's arm, but just barely.

"Yes!" Lily shouted in James' face.

"Prongs, how on earth did you ever have the hots for this girl?" said Sirius as he pulled Lily back by the waist.

"Don't know, mate… Although that fiery temper's quite a turn-on." James smirked.

"You disgust me!" Lily spat.

"And there's the Lily I know and somewhat love." James shook his head. "Calm down, will you."

"No! Sev's on the other side of this stupid door," she kicked at the wooden frame, "and I don't care if I'm captured or threatened as long as he comes out and faces me! And he _will_! Hear that, Sev?" Lily addressed the closed door. "Face me, you slimy little git!"

Sirius raised a brow. "And that's the man she claims to love above all else. Wouldn't want to be someone she hates."

"Pads, you _were_ one of those people—for almost six years."

"I knew there was a reason I had such bad memories of every other school year," said Sirius. "Maybe it was because of my looks or great personality. At least she hated you more than me."

"And she's about to hate me more." With one hard tug, James pulled Lily away from the door. "If you don't be quiet, Umbridge is going to find us. Now, listen to me." He faced her and took both grasping hands. "I hate to say it, but I'm with Snape on this. The man knows what he's doing, and we're in his way… _again_. He has a better chance of rescuing Evelyn and making it out because _he_ has a _plan_. If you love him, let him do this."

"Don't you get it? He's destroying himself!" Lily tried to tug free. "He could be happy—and stronger than this, but he won't do it! I want to slap him, make him realize. That's all."

"Can't say I know him that well," said James. "But I _do_ know that if you get hurt, he _will_ be destroyed… And I at least owe it to him not to let that happen."

"What do you owe him?" Lily's eyes welled with tears.

"Your life. And mine too. Can't you understand that?"

Lily bit back tears. "Why does everyone I know insist my life is more precious than theirs?" she said, voice tinged with bitterness. "It's not true. Every time someone looks at me, they expect a messiah or treat me like a glass statue. They're afraid I'll get hurt. But I'm not a savior—or a porcelain doll! I'm not special, but I try hard to prove myself. And how can I do that when no one will let me?"

"It's not that…" James hesitated, shook his head. "I adore you for being you. I hope you know that. I wouldn't want you to lose that passion for anything, but, Lily… I don't want to lose you—any piece of you. I wish you could see that and stop saying you don't care if you get hurt. Maybe you don't, but I do. So many people do."

"I hate sitting around doing nothing." She stopped trying to get free. "I hate being left out. I just want to help, and I really _am_ doing my best with what I've got. But that isn't much."

"I know." James let go of Lily's hands and gently gripped her shaking shoulders. "But your best isn't helping right now. Me…? I just don't want anyone to die because of this."

Lily met his honest eyes but couldn't hold his gaze long. "James… I want to do _something_ …"

"Prongs?" Sirius interrupted.

"What?" James snipped.

"It's quiet downstairs. Think they left?"

James stopped. "How loudly did Lily yell?"

"You mean before or after she tried to beat us up?" said Sirius.

The door handle clicked.

"Sev?" Lily whispered hopefully.

In strutted Umbridge, bright pink clothes and toadish face still just like they'd been a few hours before. Her beady eyes churned with anger as she screeched in a note James swore could shatter glass, "Ooooh! What have we here? Three young guests? Aren't you supposed to be in school?" Four or five Ministry employees appeared behind Umbridge.

James, Sirius and Lily exchanged looks.

"We're on vacation," James offered.

"Really?" said Umbridge.

"Oh, yes." Sirius nodded. "Just some time to clear our heads—get ready for N.E.W.T.s. Poor Miss Evans here," he clapped Lily's shoulder, "almost had a breakdown. We had to get her out. Tsk, tsk. Even the school nurse agreed—almost booted her out to get her to go."

"Miss Evans, you say?" Umbridge appraised Lily as if she were an expensive pair of shoes shoved in a bargain bin.

"Nice going," Lily muttered.

"Whoops." Sirius swallowed hard.

"But I seem to recognize this face too." Umbridge eyed Sirius next, even though the top of her head barely reached his chest. The woman still struck an intimidating pose. "A fine blood, isn't it? You must be one of the Black brothers—Sirius. Or Regulus."

"Yes, I'm Regulus!" Sirius said.

"I thought we liked your brother now," James hissed with a raised brow.

"Oh, that's right!" Sirius said. "It's just because he keeps his distance so much it's hard to remember. He still doesn't want to talk to me. He only sneers and grouches all the time. Can you imagine? At _me,_ the most charming, likable man in the universe!"

"You'd be surprised." James smirked.

"Alright, I'm the serious one, Sirius."

"Then this must be Potter." Umbridge turned to James. "The one Walburger's disgusted with—who corrupted the poor Black brothers. Wait until I report this."

"This is just swell." James groaned. "We're definitely getting expelled."

"And that's bad?" said Sirius.

"You're right. We're so brilliant we can make it without N.E.W.T.s!" James snarked.

"I remember why I hated you now." Lily gave the boys a sour look. "Did Moony take your better behavior with him when he left?" She carefully omitted Remus' real name.

James shrugged.

"Regardless," said Umbridge with one of her sick smiles, "you'd better come with us. It's late, and tomorrow is a busy day. We'll have to place you somewhere you won't be troublesome until we can return you to Hogwarts."

"Why don't you just send us now?" said Lily.

Umbridge squinted at them, and her voice dropped at least an octave, maybe two. "Why are you asking so many questions?" The high squeal returned. "Men! Please, take these darling children somewhere they won't disturb us. Remember to treat them nicely. I'm sure Crouch will want them unharmed for interrogation."

"I was wrong," said Sirius as four large men escorted them to the next floor down. "We're not just bad at this. We're really _really_ bad at it."

"This is embarrassing." James covered his face as one Ministry official shoved him, Sirius and Lily into a nicely furnished room, almost identical to the one they'd come from. "For Merlin's sake, we're the _Marauders_!"

The door shut behind them and instantly lit, locked magically.

"I don't think we can count on Severus coming to the rescue." Sirius snorted. "No offense, Lily."

"None taken." She sat in the corner and gave the whole room an angry stare. "You're exactly right." She almost sneered. "This game is over. The Ministry will send us back to Hogwarts."

James hunched in a chair. "Unless they find an excuse to lock us up—not to mention we're definitely getting expelled for this… At least no one got hurt." He scratched one ear and wished Lily had listened to him and never tried this idiotic venture in the first place.

* * *

Hours passed in silence before the door opened again. A young, exotic-looking woman entered with a tray of food and their backpack slung over one shoulder. "Excuse me, kiddos," she said with a clear Cuban accent. "I thought you'd be hungry by now. Sorry, but you'll have to stay here until Monday."

"Why?" said James. "Wouldn't it be more convenient to send us now? We could floo back. There must be fireplaces here."

"Yeah, should be," said Sirius.

"It's Umbridge's request. She's the lead for this operation, and not even the people with her know what it's about just yet, so there's no use asking." The woman set the tray on a low table, pushed dark hair over one shoulder and set the backpack in James' lap. "Don't worry. No one touched anything in the bag. And here are some yummy tea and chicken and tomato sandwiches." She smiled, then said, "To attempt escape is ill-advised." The warning in her voice, though covered in pleasantness, was clear.

"She's out to kill werewolves," said James darkly. "That's why she's holding us here. It's so we won't spill until she's already done it. How can she do that?"

The Cuban stopped. "No. I mean… I don't know. I'm just an assistant. Don't ask me these questions."

"That's horrible!" said Lily, still sulking in the corner. "How can anyone let this happen?"

The woman bent and whispered to them, "Look, kids, we're at war. Technically, the Ministry's still on the people's side. Those werewolves are clearly on the Dark Lord's. They can and _will_ fight for him with this new enchantment that lets them transform at will. Thousands will die from this. Do you know how dangerous a transformed werewolf is? Magic doesn't work on them, and all those thousands who'll be bitten will only grow their army. Most of those people are just kids. I'm not just talking about some hypothetical future either. It's already started. You should see the bundle of yellow-eyed kids they drag around like they're Fenrir's own little family."

"But _killing_ them?" said Lily, horrified. "There's got to be another way!"

"I'm just an assistant, Miss Evans. I don't know what you want me to do," said the woman. "I just make tea and sandwiches."

"That's a lame excuse," Lily spat. "It's _wrong_! Plain and simple."

The woman shook her head. "Madre Dios! What a bunch of kiddos we have here—young, young, young!"

"You're one to talk." Sirius snorted. "And I doubt you're just an assistant."

"Get something to eat," said the woman with a sad smile.

Lily glared at her, though it did nothing to help.

A moment later, she was gone, the door locked again.

"That was pointless," said Sirius. "Did you hear her? Calling us kids. Please!"

"She's right," James said. "Who do we fight for? The werewolves? The Ministry? Both? Neither? We're caught in the middle." He took a sandwich.

"We fight for what's right," said Lily. "And I don't care what it takes."

"Grow up, Lily," James bit back.

"What did you just say to me?" Lily stormed over and glared in James' face.

"Uh…" James suddenly realized what he'd said. "Nothing!" He stuffed most of the sandwich in his mouth, preventing any further conversation. He turned his attention to the sandwich tray. There, tucked just inside the tray lip was a slender, wooden stick.

James gulped down the sandwich and picked up the stick.

"Is that…" Lily studied the object. "A wand? Where did it come from?"

"That lady must have left it." James got up and swung the wand. Red and blue sparks flew and hit Sirius' robes, burning a hole through them.

"Hey!" Sirius batted at the smoldering fabric.

"Sorry, mate." James stared at the wand. "Didn't mean for that to happen. It was only supposed to be a small spark."

"Give me that!" Lily snatched the wand and took a swing herself. The wand coughed a pathetic smoke puff. Lily tried again, but received an even weaker result. "Did she leave us a broken wand?"

Sirius took the wand. From it popped a withered plant. "Don't think so. It just doesn't belong to any of us, so it won't work that well."

"Better than nothing," James said and laid the wand on the tray.

* * *

Severus sat in the castle's old, dusty library, his mood darker than any shadow in the room. _Typical. Absolutely typical. They show up when trouble's close by. I should've known. Lily's her son all over again… Well, technically her son was her—insisting on taking up the task, excluding adults and rushing in without a plan because someone might be in danger._

_At least they'll be sent back to the school now. Though I wish they'd just taken the Portkey. The important thing is that they go back_ _,_ _and Dumbledore doesn't expel them. That would only send them into another battle._

"Johan?" The Cuban woman entered. Each step raised its own little dust cloud.

Judging by the looks she often received from men, Severus supposed she was attractive, always wearing colorful clothes—far from British fashion. Now, she wore a long, scarlet skirt and green top. A large, gold hoop hung from each ear and her hair fell freely past her shoulders. Beautiful she might be, but in Severus' mind, she was useless. He didn't need or want help. But Dumbledore kept insisting.

"What, Lola?" Severus growled.

"Don't you think it's time to call in the Order?" she said.

"And what could a couple extra witches and wizards add to this?" said Severus. "Would they fight the Ministry? Or the werewolves? This isn't black and white, and it's not our battle. Let them destroy each other for us so we can keep our heads straight."

"But neither side is wrong!" Lola protested. "The Ministry workers follow orders to keep ordinary wizards safe. The werewolves just want to be left alone, not hunted down."

Severus shot her a dark look that said he knew that. "How do you think the Dark Lord collects his armies? How can one single man become such a threat?"

"The more I learn about this, the less I like it." Lola hugged herself as if her own arms could shield her from the cruel world. "It's nothing like what I imagined as a child. You-Know-Who isn't the only evil person, is he? He just understands how to turn people's fears and weaknesses against them. Please, can't we do something? Anything?"

"That's the thing about war… Those tales of war heroes—all lies. The people who do the real work, who make the difference—they're all comprised, dark, stained. Things aren't as straightforward as you think. That's how war is. Complicated."

"But I want to do something, Mr. Grumpy!" Lola spread pleading arms. "I feel useless and stuck right now. This is horrible!"

"It's war. If you feel locked in, take a flight and leave me alone, birdie."

"Very funny." Lola snorted and sat, chin propped in one hand. "Dumbledore has the worst sense of humor ever to lock me up with an old coot like you." She rolled her eyes.

"You have no idea…" Severus muttered. "And remember—"

"I know, I know. Don't _do_ anything. Especially if a massacre happens in front of you, because by then it's too late. You can't save anyone, and you'll only get yourself killed." She recited the speech she'd heard over a dozen times. "War is won from the inside, picking the right fights. And you must choose carefully. Attack someone who doesn't expect it and can't reveal who the traitor is, blah, blah, blah. I remember." She stood and paced. "It's such a stupid way to fight a war!" She raised both arms in frustration.

"It's the _only_ way if you want to win or survive more than five minutes." Severus sneered. "So, tell me, was there anything of real importance you wanted to share? If not, please leave so Umbridge doesn't suspect we're working together against her."

"There is one thing… Those kids upstairs. Why are they so important to you? I've been working with you for months now, and your reaction at the mention of Lily Evans was the most emotion I've ever seen from you. Who is she? Your granddaughter or something?"

"That is none of your business," Severus snapped. "I don't nag you about your personal life, so, please refrain from pestering me about mine."

"But as partners we should know stuff like that!" said Lola. "If something ever happened, it could be important. Besides, I need something to think about. I'm dying from nerves!"

_I wish I could leave this woman behind. That would be the grandest thing I could imagine right now. She's too colorful, bright, impatient and far too young. Her position in the Ministry and contacts there are the only reason I can think Dumbledore let her join the Order. What does she even do? She'd have died in my last lifetime—even before Potter and his lot formed. And based on what I've seen so far, I can't say I'm surprised._


	14. No winners

Outside, the half-moon rose; its pale glow cast the trees in just enough light to make them seem like willowy ghosts.

Lily leaned close to the window. "This stinks!"

"Tell me about it." Sirius drew an X on his and James' hundredth tic-tac-toe game, then handed over the old quill they'd found in a drawer.

James drew his circle only for Sirius to plant a winning X. James' only response was to sigh and wave their shared wand over the paper to clear the board.

"Stinks, stinks, stinks, stinks!" Lily propped both elbows on the windowsill. "Hold on. There's someone down there. A lot of someones." She squinted until the hazy figures sharpened. "They're coming from the forest—must be a hundred of them!"

Sirius and James abandoned their game.

"It's the werewolves! They're headed for the castle!" Lily motioned the boys to the window.

"What?!" Sirius and James scrambled to see.

Lily pointed to the tree line as the pack emerged from the forest like a swarm of angry ants. "Oh no… The kids too?"

Six or seven children preceded the group like a shield. Though Evelyn's face remained unclear in the darkness, her stalwart posture and confident walk needed no confirmation, and her eyes shone so brightly Lily could see them from the window. The girl held two younger kids' hands.

James gripped Lily's shoulder. "What would be the point for Fenrir to keep them around, otherwise?"

"Umbridge!" Fenrir bellowed. His voice echoed over the entirety of the castle grounds. "So, you came after us, did you? Trying to exterminate us? Here's the trouble. We're beasts. Beasts bite! No one threatens Fenrir Greyback's pack. This is the biggest, strongest, purest and most loyal werewolf pack history has ever seen!"

"This can't be good…" Sirius gulped.

"No kidding, Sherlock," Lily snapped.

"Just an observation." Sirius raised both hands and took a step back, as if Lily might smack him.

Below, several werewolves drew wands. Silvery strands swirled into a planet of light above the group.

"Oh, no." Lily covered her mouth. _Not this…_

"I'd bet none of them took their Wolfsbane potion," said Sirius.

The pack transformed in a mass of agonized writhing, but just as the metamorphosis finished, the first band of wolves slammed into the castle gate. Splinters flew as the whole gate groaned.

"Whatdowedo-whatdowedo?" Sirius panicked.

"Barricade the door," said Lily as she gave the bed a hard push, but it was too heavy to handle alone.

"We could try, but a transformed werewolf can smell humans miles away. Magic locks—or any magic, for that matter—won't work on them, and even if we barricade the door using everything in here, a group of them could tear it down in seconds," said James.

"Got any better ideas, Mr. Smarty-pants?" Lily huffed and shoved the bed again. No luck.

"Let's barricade the door," said James.

All three pushed until the bed blocked the entrance. Then they moved the wardrobe.

"It could've been worse." Sirius grunted as they slid the bedside table over. Crashes and screams from downstairs seeped through the floor.

"How?" Lily and James chorused, backs against the barricade.

"Moony could've been here," said Sirius with an unstable grin.

As the thought of Remus, stuck in here, transforming into a wolf himself, flooded in, Lily realized, with a shiver, Sirius was right. _And with no Wolfsbane Potion, he wouldn't be able to control himself. He could've killed us all and woken up to find us ripped to the shreds—maybe with our blood still in his mouth._ Bile rose in her throat and the urge to vomit nearly won. She forced the horrors away. "James, all the things I've said to you about being dimwitted and stupid—I take it all back!"

"I'll make sure that statement comes back to haunt you." James sported a smirk until a rattling crash from the other side of the door ripped it away. "If we survive the night, that is." He lunged for their backpack and the wand sitting on the tea tray and shoved both into Lily's hands. "Take them! Use the cloak—the wand."

"How will the cloak help? And what about you?"

"That cloak isn't an ordinary invisibility cloak. It won't just keep you out of sight. This thing…" James pulled out the cloak and stroked it. "It hides you from the world. Dogs can't even smell you. It's been in my family for generations. Ordinary invisibility cloaks don't last that long. You could walk through a battlefield wearing this, and no one would notice." James wrapped the cloak around Lily. "Mum used to say it was the only thing in the world that could hide someone from Mr. Death himself—the one man who usually finds everyone in the end."

"What about you?" Lily said again.

"We're animagi," said James. "When we transform, we change into animals. Even if we're bitten, we won't be affected as long as we're animals. Werewolves lust for human flesh. They won't pursue an animal if humans are available."

"It's still dangerous."

"And it's the best thing I can think of." James gripped Lily's shoulders, face too serious. "If you promise to do your best to get out safely, I'll promise the same."

Lily nodded. "Okay." She wrapped James in a tight hug. "I'm sorry I got you into such a mess. I didn't mean to. I should've come alone!"

"I know. But I wouldn't have let you, so I'm glad you came to us." James returned the embrace. "I didn't want you to go out alone."

"You're a nice guy, James Potter—and a good one—brave, honest," Lily smiled, then whispered, "sweet... I'm glad you're here with me."

"And you're a nice, spirited, courageous lady," said James as another crash came outside, this one closer. He held her tightly.

Sirius threw his arms around them both. "Well, I say we're all good people, and if I'm going to die today, I can't imagine a finer lot to stand with me—well, maybe Moony, but I'm really happy he's not here right now."

Lily chuckled. "You're very sweet, Sirius. Thanks for sticking with us and trying to help." She pecked his cheek.

"Hey!" Sirius grinned but blushed and rubbed away the kiss. "I just wanted to help."

The door shook with a bang so loud it filled the room and a spot the size of Lily's head splintered in the center of the door. Everyone let go.

"We have to be quick," said James. "As fast as you've ever run before—faster."

Lily nodded and vanished under the cloak.

Sirius and James transformed and stood to the side of the shaken barricade, ready.

The unfamiliar wand felt more like an unstable wish than a reassuring friend—the way her own wand felt. _Really wish I had my old wand right now…_

With a yowl and a crunch, the door caved, and wolves clawed through. Every growl resulted in another piece of their barrier being shoved aside or ripped apart.

Lily calculated the best way to get out of the room unbitten, like Sev taught her, but it was harder than she'd anticipated. _Stunners won't work. Got to do something… but what? Explosion! That'll work._ " _Confringus_!" She aimed for the splintered door as the wolves tried to squeeze in and through the shoved aside furniture. The shredded door ignited, sending the wolves into a scatter.

James, now a stag, barreled through the wolves, leaving Sirius and Lily a gap to escape.

Sirius, now a dog, bolted through the chaos.

The hem of Lily's cloak caught the torn wood, and she almost choked as she fell backward. The cloak fell away from her face, landing her eye-to-eye with half a dozen wolves.

Lily screamed as the beasts snarled and slathered hungrily.

" _Sectumsempra_!"

A werewolf crashed into the wall, a deep bloody gash across its middle. It struggled for air.

Strong hands caught Lily's arm, hauled her up and covered her eyes. The moment before her rescuer blinded her, she realized the cloak now covered both her and her savior, who huddled close behind her. "What—?"

"Shh!" the voice, both familiar and strange, hissed. "Quiet. This thing supposedly covers our scent, but not noise."

"S-Sev? Why do you—"

"Shh!"

"Let me see! Why did you cover my eyes?"

Severus said nothing and didn't remove his hand.

Growls and the click of claws on wood passed not six inches from them. The wolves stalked back and forth, and snarls came from wolves and Ministry personnel. Screams said the wolves had bested at least a few wizards.

Lily leaned into Severus' chest and swore one wolf's breath rattled right beside her face. _Why does he have to keep me from seeing?_

An eternity later, the wolves nearest them left and Severus dragged her along—still sightless.

"Hey!" said Lily. "Where're we going?"

No reply.

"Sev, I'm tripping around like a drunk donkey. Let me see!" She tried to pry his hand away from her face as more snarls and screams surrounded them. "I'm afraid!"

"You've already been too much trouble. Just do as I say! Even if that's not your forte."

"Let me see!" Lily scratched at Severus' hand. "For Merlin's sake, I can't see a thing!"

"Good!"

"You don't want me to see? Why?"

Again, no response.

Lily did the only thing she could think of—smashed her foot into Sev's and sank all ten nails into his hand. He cut short the pained gasp but let go of her face.

The sight ahead froze her.

All around them Ministry wizards shot hexes at wolves and covered gashes, bites and claw marks. Wolves lay on the floor, whimpering as blood pooled under them.

One large, brown wolf sank its teeth into a Ministry worker's arm and another wizard shot a _Confringus_ at a sandy wolf, sending it sailing across the room where it smacked into the wall like a wet rag. Its legs snapped like twigs under a sturdy boot. With a crunch, the mangled thing landed atop a pup, bleeding, gasping for air. The pup spat blood and whimpered.

Close by lay a woman, face mauled so badly she was unrecognizable.

Severus covered her eyes again, but it was too late. She'd seen it all, and those few horrific seconds would burn through her mind forever and haunt every night terror till the day she died.

"Why'd you have to do that?" Severus said.

Nausea rose and tears welled. She curled close to Severus in a bundle of pathetic fear as he took her away from the battle zone. Sounds of the fight muffled and dimmed as a door shut.

Severus uttered an incantation toward the door and took his hand away from Lily's eyes as he let the cloak fall away. "Why!?" he bellowed.

Lily spun to face him, fighting tears.

Furious black eyes met her. He'd grown these past six months and looked far more like the adult she'd glimpsed in his memory. And his voice had finally found that dangerous, sneering tone. She'd heard hints of it before, but nothing like this.

The urge to wail like a frightened little girl grew. Why couldn't Sev hold her? Whisper assurances? _I need you… Please, don't be so angry._

Severus' wrath still burned like a hearth full of ancient coals.

That horrid look turned Lily's fright to indignation. _He has no right to lecture me like this! I can't do this right now._ "Why _what_?" she demanded in a sneer almost as scathing as his. "What do you want me to say?" she shouted in his face as tears burned her eyes, but she refused to cry. "You _left_! You can't tell me what I can and can't do!"

"Stay out of trouble," Severus hissed. "Why's that so hard to understand?"

"So that's it?" Lily pointed to the closed door. "That's what you face—without help—without anything? You're compromising your _life_! For what? What are you _thinking_?"

"That is no concern of yours," he snapped.

"Then what I do isn't your concern either," Lily growled.

"Listen to me, Lily Evans." Severus cornered her against one wall and shadowed her like a great tree. "Stay out of this! Stay out of the way. You _don't_ belong here. Be a good kid and stay home where you _do_ belong."

 _Kid?_ Lily gritted her teeth. "Or what? You'll hex me? Hurt me? Please! That would never happen in a million years. Just tell me why. I don't understand… Why do you need to do this? Even if you need to fight—which I understand—why like this? There are other ways, Sev. Come back…"

"No. Stay out of this!"

"I won't! I finally found you, and I'm not going to let you go. Or step aside."

"Get out of the way!" Severus stepped back and shook his head. "The infernal woman who refused to step aside…" he murmured as if the sentence carried significance. "Learn to. It's far healthier for you."

"Please! If you need to do this, take me with you!"

For half an instant, Severus looked truly terrified.

"I _love_ you!" Lily said. "And I promised to always look out for you, remember? I'm going to keep that promise. I swear! I'll keep fighting—keep looking out for you. Don't you understand? That's what I _want_!"

"I'm not that boy. I'm not worthy of that! Out there—" he pointed to the door, "—that's what happens every day. War! It stains human souls, and I don't want that for you."

"That's my choice." Lily took a step toward him.

"You're a child—ridiculous, naïve and young." Severus' voice grew bitter. "You don't know anything, and don't tell yourself you do, little missy. Learn you can't handle this. There are others more suited. Think! That's the trouble with you. Always in the moment—never objective. And _don't_ look out for me. My soul isn't just stained, it's black, ripped and filthy. I'm a _murderer_ , a traitor, a liar, a spy—"

"—and a good man," Lily finished.

"No! You don't understand, do you? You've no _idea_ what I am, and if something happens to you, my _soul_ will pay for it!"

"What's all this about souls?" said Lily. "You shouldn't do this at all, much less alone. You're not well. Let me help you get better. Please?" She leaned closer to him and whispered, "I swear to you, I'm _not_ leaving before we figure this out. I won't let you risk your life for me alone."

Severus' presence loomed larger, as if he'd grown an extra two inches. "If the little miss is so keen on having her eyes opened, then let's _let her see_!" He withdrew his wand and touched it to his forehead. He drew out a glittering sliver string of memory and swirled it into a glass vial. He shoved it into her hand and forced her fingers closed so hard Lily thought the glass might shatter.

"If you think this changes anything, you're wrong!" Lily said.

"Am I? I know you—better than you think. You can't stay away from trouble—or from anything you think will help others. Your conviction of right and wrong is strong and sometimes misplaced. I must set it right. I know all about you, Lily Evans." He took a small cup from a nearby table, flicked his wand over it and stuffed it in Lily's pocket. "I'll try this once more. That cup is now an illegal Portkey."

"If you think I'm—"

Severus laid a finger over her lips.

She tried to protest again, but no words came out.

"It activates in two hours. That leaves time enough to find your two Marauder comrades." He eyed the locked door. "The trouble with the werewolves' charm is it's far from good for them. When it wears off soon—since it won't last more than half an hour—they'll be weak, ill, drained of magic and unable to fight. Since you're not a _complete_ idiot—though you've done a good job of trying to prove otherwise—you'll be able to move unnoticed with the invisibility cloak. Until then, I can't have you running around."

_He body-bound me… No! Sev, let me go!_

He wrapped the cloak around Lily. "Don't search for me here. I'll be gone long before the binding wears off. I don't want to be around for when this mess is cleaned up." Severus unlocked the door and peered out. "The werewolves' charm has already worn off—an amateur spell, really, this fake moon. If you ask me, the disadvantages far outweigh the benefits." He gave Lily one last look and slipped through the door.

 _No…_ Lily tried to hold in bitter tears again. _He left me…_ If she hadn't been bound, she'd have rushed after Sev, grabbed onto him and demanded again he take her along, but no matter how strong her will, she couldn't move. Humiliation and feelings of inadequacy wound about her tighter than the binding ever could.

* * *

The moment he left the room, Severus easily took up his part. He'd ditched the Johan disguise to ward off suspicion. If Johan fought Ministry personnel or did odd things, his cover was gone.

Around him, the last of the werewolves strained through their reversion transformations and collapsed. _Greyback probably counted on either biting or killing all the Ministry's people before the enchantment wore off._

"Young man?" an elderly, gray-headed woman called Severus over. "Don't just stand there. Help us with the wounded."

Severus nodded and obliged.

Lola toured the lines of corpses, horrified. She glimpsed Severus twice but didn't recognize him.

As he passed each body, he studied them with calculating cold. He never found what he was looking for. Without a word to the group he was supposedly helping, he went upstairs, through torn doors and into the second-story halls.

In a room to the left, he found Greyback, slumped on the floor, a satisfied grin on his face as blood dripped from his chin. But the blood wasn't his.

A bright pink pile whimpered, covered a wound on its neck. Dolores Umbridge.

Severus entered, bowed to meet Umbridge's eyes.

"Sn-Snape!" she squealed, almost green as sweat rolled off her forehead.

"Intriguing," Severus said.

"H-help me!" Dolores begged.

"You'll live," said Severus. "That bite isn't vital, but the werewolf poison is already in your blood."

Umbridge looked as if she'd just been told to gut herself with a dull knife. "No… No, it can't be! I can't be a—a—"

"How does it feel?" Severus tracked Umbridge's wound with one finger. "Changing, inside and out, into another species. Did you feel it inside? When you changed from human to werewolf? Does the wolf spread—push your humanity out? Perhaps it burns like dragon poison. Does it course in your veins, one centimeter at a time?" He traced the path of the wolf venom down her arm. "Did you know the moment you were cursed? Or did you realize it little by little?"

"You don't understand!" Umbridge cried. "I can't be a… a…"

"Can't even say it, can you? Is that denial?" Severus smirked. "Of course, it is, but that's the thing," he whispered softly. "Anyone can become one—anyone at all—the king and queen, your gardener, the old woman who bakes cookies two houses down, your father, mother, the child who won a prize for the best drawing in his kindergarten class, the Dark Lord, your old history professor. Even I could become one, because all it takes," he stared hard at Umbridge as he spoke the last hard words, "is a single bite."

"You're a _criminal_ , Snape! A liar!" Umbridge screeched in anger, only to fall to desperation. "A cure! You can make a cure! Say anything and it's yours. Riches, fame, power."

"Someone already promised me that. It doesn't tempt me," said Severus. "When the Dark Lord can't win me over, why should you be able to? Besides, there is no cure, nor is one likely to be discovered any time soon. I seem to recall you cut funding for Lycanthropy cure research. I believe you said, 'Once a creature, always a creature.'" He snapped his fingers. "What a shame."

"Liar! Scum! Swine! Warlock of darkness!" Umbridge threw several other choice curses.

Severus stood straight and snarled the label Umbridge most hated. "Werewolf."

In the farthest, darkest corner, two yellow eyes peeked at Severus. He held out a hand and in a voice none could spurn for its authority said, "Come here."

Out stepped Evelyn, dirty hair hung around her face like a grimy picture frame. She clutched an old blanket to hide her scrawny body, but it couldn't cover the hunched back, the scars, a deep, bloody claw mark that stretched from cheek to chin. She would have a scar from it—one that would never completely fade. In the girl's eyes shone… fear. Evelyn, once unafraid of anything, stood before him terrified. She stopped just outside the cover of her shadowy corner.

"All the way over here," Severus bid.

For one eternal moment, Evelyn froze. Her yellow eyes met Severus' then she burst into tears and ran to him, grabbed his robe and sobbed. "Why did you take so long?" she wailed. "You're too late! I waited for you to rescue me. I did! But you didn't come. Look at me now!" She stepped back and with lips curled back showed the permanently sharpened teeth and eyes that would never fade back to their natural color. Tears tracked the dirt and mud on her face. "Look at me! Look at this!"

Severus laid a hand on her thin shoulder. "Once you've given into the dark, there's no going back. Not really."

Evelyn flung her little arms around Severus's legs and wept, his black robe clutched tight in both fists. "I'm not big. I'm small… very small."

"We all are," said Severus. "Every one of us, regardless of what we do or say, is so insignificant."

"Don't give me back to Mum… Please, please, whatever you do, don't let her see me, not like this…"

Severus took off his cloak and wrapped Evelyn in it. "I won't."

"Don't leave me here," she cried. "Take me with you. Please! I Promise not to be in the way. I won't be a crybaby. I can be quiet, stay out of sight. You won't even notice me. I can cook and keep things clean, and I'll do whatever you say. I swear I will. Please, just don't leave me!"

"Hush, child." Severus pulled the cloak more snuggly around Evelyn.

The next instant, they vanished, leaving Umbridge and Greyback, both unconscious. Though out, Greyback still chuckled, as if all this were the best joke he'd ever heard.

* * *

Late Sunday evening, three miserable looking teenagers popped into sight on Hogwarts' quidditch field.

"Great…" James surveyed the area. "This is the spot Severus sent us last time—when we came back from the mansion."

"Way to go," said Sirius.

Lily stumbled and almost fell into the soggy grass, but Sirius helped her up.

All three shivered in the cold.

Dementors floated above the nearby forest, but no one, not even Lily, attempted a Patronus this time.

They slogged back to Hogwarts. Inside the castle, they huddled under the invisibility cloak since it was well past curfew. The hallways were quiet as they tiptoed to the Fat Lady portrait.

Footsteps, coming from the opposite direction, stopped them all.

A shabby Remus Lupin, pale, gray and hunched, shuffled toward the portrait hole.

James dropped the cloak so Remus could see them.

Remus embraced James then Sirius then Lily as if they were lost brothers. "Thank God," he whispered. "Thank God!"

"Where'd you come from?" said James.

"Hospital wing," Remus replied as he let go of Lily. "Soon as Slughorn saw me, he took me there himself. Can't really blame him. I could barely stay on my feet. They released me ten minutes ago to sleep in my own bed. What about you? Severus? Evelyn?"

James, Sirius and Lily let their silence answer.

The four entered the Gryffindor common room and trudged to their dorms.

James opened the bedroom door.

Peter sat up in bed, waiting. "Thank Merlin!" He threw off the covers and hurried to James, Sirius and Remus. "What took so long?"

The three didn't reply.

"What is it?" Worry crept over Peter.

"Not now, Wormy," said James. "I can't… I can't talk about it."

"But—"

"Please, Peter," Remus said. "We promise to tell you everything we can tomorrow, but right now, we're exhausted."

"But I…" Peter turned back toward his bed. "Yeah. All right…" he muttered as his friends sank into bed.

* * *

The next morning, Lily barely managed to get up and dressed. _How can I go down to breakfast like nothing's changed when_ everything _has? But I've got to…_

In the common room, she joined James, Sirius, Remus and Peter and all five of them went to the Great Hall. Just as they stepped in, Lucy wrapped Lily in a bearhug.

"Where've ya been, ya dopes?" Lucy let Lily go.

Regulus joined them and said with a frown, "Yes, where?"

"Nowhere important," said James. "Had the flu. Went to the hospital wing—no biggie. Just look at Moony." He pointed to Remus who still had some of the gray pallor from last night clinging to his face.

Neither Lucy nor Regulus was convinced.

"Potter!" Professor McGonagall marched over. "Black, Evans." She looked angry. "I'm disappointed. _Very_ disappointed."

 _She figured it out!_ Lily's heart pounded. _The Ministry contacted the school. We're in_ so _much trouble. Court would be the easy solution. Now, Crouch has a reason to interrogate us for real. We're done for!_

"I thought you above childish pranks, Mr. Potter, Mr. Black. And you gave in too, Evans?" said McGonagall.

"But, Professor—Wait, what?" said James.

"Exploding toilets, ridiculing Slytherins, that broom trick. We're talking detention for a month!" Professor McGonagall crossed her arms and looked at them all sternly. "And you'll be the ones to clean up the astronomy tower."

"Pranks?" James said, looking stunned.

"We have proof it was you, so no use denying it," McGonagall snapped. "Seems to me you had a very busy weekend. Even the Ministry must've noticed. I received a complaint from them this morning. Since you've so clearly been busy here, this is where you'll serve your punishment."

"O… kay…" James' expression changed.

_He's playing along._

"Yeah," James continued. "So sorry, Professor. Detention," he snapped his fingers in insincere concern, "that's annoying."

McGonagall raised a brow. "You'll hear details later. I believe some time with Hagrid is in order." She huffed and left.

"Pranks?" James whispered to Lily and Sirius. "How did that happen?"

The three exchanged bewildered looks as Peter, Regulus and Lucy huddled together, avoiding their gazes and whistling in failed nonchalance.


	15. The B-squat

— _Last Friday evening_ —

Peter darted through the halls looking for a good place to hide. Head low, shoulders tight, he glanced into the library. No, too many people. Maybe even… _those_ people.

_What kind of irony is this? I feel like a scared rat… But isn't that what I am?_

Inside the library, a shock of red hair and blue eyes turned his way. He ducked. Too late.

"Peter!" Lucy rushed over.

He pointed at himself in question.

"Seen Paddy or James? Or Remus?" said Lucy. "Lily would do nicely too, or anyone really."

 _Of course, not me—just everyone else…_ He swallowed hard.

"What is it?" Lucy stopped not two feet in front of him.

"They're… out taking care of some business."

"Lily too?" she said.

Peter nodded. "But they should be back soon."

"What're they doin'? I canna find them anywhere. It's creepin' me out!"

"Nothing important." Peter scratched the back of his neck until the skin turned raw.

"Ye're nervous. You're hiding something." Lucy's eyes narrowed.

"No, I'm not."

"Then tell me. If it's not a secret." Lucy took a displeased stance.

Peter's hands shook. He clasped them behind his back to try to hide it. "I… I…" He laced his fingers so tightly they started to go dumb. "It's probably nothing. Just a stupid hunch they might check on."

"They found a clue about Severus and went off on their own. Again." Lucy hissed as her knuckles turned white from gripping her library book too hard.

 _How'd she figure that out so fast? Am I_ that _transparent? How much trouble did I just get into?_ Peter licked dry lips and tried to escape with two quick strides into the hall, but Lucy followed.

With a heavy sigh, she took his arm to stop him. "I'm sorry. It's not ye I'm mad at, I swear." She let him go.

"I'm fine. I'd… better go." Peter started down the hall.

"Wait!" Lucy called.

Peter bit his tongue and faced her.

"I was just wonderin'… If ya don't have anything ta do… Would ye help me with me Transfiguration homework?" She looked at him with hopeful eyes. "Please? It's due Monday, and I need help. Lots."

"Me?" _Somebody wants_ my _help?_ "I'm not very good. I never help other people with their homework. They coach _me_ through stuff."

"Trust me when I say ye're way better at transfiguration than me," said Lucy. "I saw you transfigure a book into a pillow like it was nothing. It's not! It's _hard_! Please help me."

"All right… When?"

"How about now? If it's no bother, a course. If you're busy, I can wait…"

"I'm not busy at all. It's no problem," Peter said. _A distraction would be rather nice right now._

"Wait! Let me tell Regulus about the others—since they named 'im a Marauder, then disappeared without a word. They're not very good at including him, are they?" she said. "I know they don't know me, so _that's_ fine, but Regulus is Sirius' brother! They should include him more. I'm with them more than he is. What sense does that make? I like spending time with them and all, but…" She lapsed into a waterfall of words Peter couldn't follow.

_She gets sidetracked a lot._

"That okay with you?" Lucy tapped his shoulder.

"Huh? Sorry."

"Can we meet in the library in half an hour?" she said in that patient tone others used when they'd just had to repeat something.

"Sure," Peter said. "I'll get my things." _Did she just ask me to tutor her?_ He shook his head and headed for his dorm.

Four empty beds greeted him. No friends taking a Saturday nap before their usual evening fun.

Peter picked up Sirius' Quidditch book and set it on the bed where no one would step on it. He held his face in his hands and muttered, "If you'd gone with them, you'd only have been in the way. Probably have crawled into a crack and been better off hiding. This is better. This is good. It's what you want. Besides, you're already in too deep. If they saw you there, you'd… you'd…" His hands fell away from his face. "Brilliant! I'm talking to myself. I've gone as bonkers as Prongs and Padfoot! But everything about them is nutty, so why not? It's too much! Get hurt for all I care!" He slammed open his trunk, scooped out his books and stuffed them in a backpack.

As he headed to the library, Regulus stormed in from Quidditch practice, still wearing a green robe. The tension in the air made Peter feel just like a cornered rat again.

Lucy preceded Regulus, hair a frizzy mess. "How should I know?" she snapped over her shoulder.

"You're with them often enough!" Regulus shot back.

Lucy whirled. "Don't I wish they'd told me! But they didn't! I'm just as mad at them as ye are!"

"I doubt that," Regulus hissed.

"Really? I want You-know-who to go down just as much as ye do!"

"Please!" Regulus snorted. "When have you ever done anything useful? Did _you_ stand in front of him? Because I did. I was there. I saw him for what he is. This is personal, and I swear, I'll see him beaten."

"It's personal for me too," Lucy snapped. "And I don't care how it happens as long as it does."

The arguing pair stopped.

Peter tried to back away from the fight, but Regulus saw him. "What do you have to say about this? They called me a Marauder and then left me out! Though I suppose with you it makes sense. You weren't even there."

"Yes, I was!" Peter protested.

"Then where were you?"

"I was…" Peter gulped. The sense of being trapped came back. "Inside… And I saw—I saw _everything_!"

"Then you could've stopped it!" Regulus bit back. "You could have intervened."

"How?" said Peter.

"I don't know, but you could have!"

"Regulus," Lucy stepped between the two boys. "If Severus couldn't stop it, how could Peter have? It's You-know-who's fault. Everything is. Penelope would've been ashamed if she saw ye turnin' on yer comrades."

Regulus stopped, jaw tight. "How is _he_ my comrade? What did he do? What _can_ he do?"

"We won't know before we see," said Lucy.

"Pfft! He won't be of any use," Regulus snorted. "Neither of you will, so what do I need you for? I'm out of here." He waved them both off and walked away, leaving only muddy footprints.

"I'm sorry," Lucy mumbled and tucked a strand of hair behind one ear. "He didn't mean it. He's just… angry."

"It's fine," Peter said. "He's right." He ushered Lucy into the nearby library, set his backpack on a table and pulled out one chair.

"No, he isn't," Lucy insisted. "Sirius, James and Remus wouldn't have chosen ye as a friend if they thought ye weren't helpful. That's not fair."

"What can I do that somebody else can't do ten times better?"

"Lots a things," said Lucy.

"Name one."

"Well… there's… I'm sure that—No, I mean—It doesn't work like that! Sometimes ye get ta be of use in ways ye didn't know or expect, right?"

Peter didn't respond.

Lucy nudged his shoulder. " _Right_?" She sounded as if she were trying to convince herself more than Peter. She took the chair across from him. "I suppose we're both useless, aye?"

"You make them smile," said Peter. "The others… they appreciate you. I wish I could do that."

"Really?" Lucy shook her head. "Ye're their friend! They trust ye more than me. They trust ye like a brother. Isn't that saying something? I'm sure they'd do anything for ye."

"I guess they would… Doesn't mean I'm useful though."

"I'm sure ye are!"

"How?"

"Ye can help me pass me Transfiguration class, at least." She smiled. "This N.E.W.T. stuff is harder than I thought. Look at this!" She opened her book. "What _is_ this stuff?"

"Why are you in Ravenclaw?"

"I've no idea. Why're ye in Gryffindor?"

"Search me," said Peter. "Guess it's because I'd be a lousy Ravenclaw, die in a minute in Slytherin, and I'd be a terrible Hufflepuff." He slouched in his chair. _I just hope those dimwits don't show up dead. Some friend I am, not even going with them… No, I guess I can't even call myself their friend, can I?_

"I'd be a lousy Gryffindor," said Lucy as she flipped to her assignment.

"Don't be stupid. You'd fit right in. You're not afraid of magical creatures, heights or anything." Peter turned her book around so he could see what she had to do. "This is pretty simple. It's about geometry. The trick is to use the formula and not question it. With math, there's always one solution you can get by using the right formula. Those you should memorize. You don't need to make up your own conclusions—you're not supposed to. When you try, you fail. As long as you remember them and put the numbers in the formula, you don't have to think." He jotted notes on a parchment piece. "Do that, and you'll always get the right answer." He scribbled the number the problem called for. "Now, you try." He pushed the book back to Lucy.

Lucy chuckled. "Ye'd have done just find in Ravenclaw.

A tiny smile broke Peter's grim mood. "Thanks…"

Within half an hour—with Peter's help—Lucy set down her quill, finished. "I think that's it."

"Told you it was easy," said Peter.

"I'd have sat here all night without your help." Lucy clapped him on the shoulder. "Me head just goes numb with all these formulas. All I can do is stare at them, but they don't make any sense."

"I know what you mean. I wouldn't have gotten enough O.W.L.s to continue if the others hadn't helped me."

"You're doin' just fine on your own. Me dad—he always said the worst thing ye can do is keep sittin' in the wagon, because then ye never learn to run. He said the best thing that ever happened to him was his mum kickin' him outta the wagon, so he had to walk an extra mile in the rain."

Peter didn't completely understand—not uncommon when Lucy spoke. "Okay…"

Lucy looked hesitant, as if she wanted to ask something, but wasn't sure she should.

Peter understood anyway. "I don't know when they'll come back. They said it'd be before Monday—before anyone realized they were gone."

"If they're not back by Monday, we can assume either someone captured them, or they're dead? Great!" Lucy smacked both hands on the wooden table, earning disgruntled looks from other library patrons. Worry etched her face.

"It can't be that bad." Peter tried to reassure her, but the shake in his voice said he was just as rattled as Lucy.

"I won't pretend I know them as well as ye do, but if we have to judge from their personalities…"

Peter swallowed hard. "But what can we do?"

Lucy sat quietly.

"Pettigrew!" A younger Gryffindor prefect ran up to their table. "Seen Potter or Evans?"

"N…o…"

"Well, if you see them, tell them to find McGonagall. She needs help from a head boy and girl."

"O-okay," Peter managed.

"You know what? I just saw them," said Lucy. "Way outside—around Hagrid's hut."

The prefect's face fell. "Swell…" He hurried off in the direction Lucy had told him.

"What do we do?" Peter whispered.

"I don't know." Lucy waved both hands over her head. "They could get expelled."

"It's way worse than that…"

"How?"

"Doesn't matter." Peter shook his head. "What now?"

"What would they usually do on a Friday night?" said Lucy.

"Charm the socks off girls, practice Quidditch, pull pranks—"

"Pranks!" Lucy's exclamation made Peter jump. "We'll set up pranks and make it look like they did them—then we're in the clear."

"That's good. Then no one will figure it out." He tossed a wary glance over his shoulder to make sure no one was listening. "Come on."

Halfway to the door, Crouch Jr. barred their way. "Wormy." He grinned.

Peter gulped down a lump of nerves.

"Couldn't help but notice," Crouch shined his nails on his collar, "you're not tousling around with your friend like you usually do at this hour. What's the occasion?"

Peter fumbled for a believable answer.

"I knew ye weren't the sharpest tool in the shed, but honestly." Lucy rolled her eyes. "He's with _me_."

Crouch's ugly face creased as he narrowed beady eyes. "I'm keeping my eye on you," he whispered as Peter and Lucy shouldered past.

"What's that boy's problem?" Lucy muttered. "Scares the dirt off me shoes, he does. And I like ta think I don't scare easily. Me dad made sure a that with all his ghost stories."

"Shh," Peter raised a finger to his lips. "Just stay away from him. Hide!" He pulled Lucy into a dark corridor. Seconds later, Crouch snooped through the hall like a hound on a fox's trail. Then he was gone. "If he figures out they're not here, I'm done for."

"He's coming back!" Lucy hugged the wall as more footsteps approached. Someone stopped just outside their hiding place, and Lucy grabbed them.

"Hey!" Regulus yelped. "What're you doing?"

"Shh!" Lucy hissed. "There's somethin' really smelly goin' on—with Crouch."

"Crouch?" Regulus popped his head into the hall. Lucy and Peter did the same, looking much like the famed Three Stooges.

This time, Crouch appeared, still poking about like an old lady at a bargain store. He studied everything, including the walls, but didn't see the trio retreat into their corridor again.

Peter, Regulus and Lucy held their breath so long Peter thought he must have turned purple. Then Crouch left.

"Why are we hiding, anyway?" Regulus stepped out of their hiding place, shoulders back, head high.

"Trust me, it's the right thing," Peter said as he crept out behind Regulus.

"You know something?" Regulus grabbed Peter by the collar.

"What? No! Nothing! Just… he's crazy. That's all." Peter scratched another red mark into the back of his neck.

"Right. I meant about the other Marauders, idiot!" Regulus let him go.

"I—I—I don't know what you mean."

"Don't give me that—"

"Stop it!" Lucy pushed the boys apart. "We're in a major pickle, the three a us! We've got to work together. Regulus, trust Peter. He can help us, and we can help him. I know we're sort of the B-Squad here, but come on! Peter, tell him."

" _Me_? What're you saying?" Peter shrank a step back.

"You're the senior Marauder. What do we do?" said Lucy.

"What? M-m-me?" Peter indicated himself. "Don't look to me for help. That's always a terrible idea. _Terrible_! You don't want to do that."

"Please? Ye're the only true Marauders around. What sort of pranks would they do? I can't pull this off without ye."

"Pranks?" said Regulus. "Who said anything about pranks? That's so childish I don't even know where to begin."

"People are noticing the others are gone," Lucy whispered. "But if we leave evidence they were here, no one would be the wiser."

"And _why_ would I do this?" said Regulus.

"We're framing Sirius and James. If we land them in detention, we've succeeded and no one will suspect us," Lucy said as if this were the most fun she'd ever had.

"Amusing as that sounds, it's not my style. No thanks," said Regulus.

"How about if you do this, they'll be in your debt?" Peter offered. "Think about it. The Marauders owing _you_ something, instead of the other way around. You won't have to ask for information. You can demand it."

"Are you pulling a Slytherin on me?" said Regulus.

"I don't know… Am I?" Peter looked away.

Lucy nodded.

"Fine," said Regulus. "What do we do?"

"They… used to target Slytherins," said Peter. "But they'd also spend Saturday practicing Quidditch."

"Slytherins? You want me to target my own house?" Regulus looked insulted.

"Not our friends," said Lucy. "But that Crouch gives me the creepers—I mean, brrr." She hugged herself. "Put him with the thestrals and he wouldn't be the one runnin' off."

A spark of intrigue lit Regulus' face.

"We're really doing this, aren't we?" Peter tried to calm his nerves as the urge to cram into a crack in the wall almost won. "Okay, but we can't get caught. That's the most important thing. The Marauders' record of being caught is one in ten—and that's _with_ the invisibility cloak and two-way mirrors. We don't have those, so we'll have to coordinate. What do we have?" He opened the backpack he'd stowed his books in. "The map." He handed the parchment to Lucy and Regulus. "It's useless outside Hogwarts, so they left it."

"Brilliant," Lucy whispered.

Regulus studied the blank paper curiously.

"I helped make it," Peter said with pride. "It shows all the hidden places in Hogwarts and describes how to get into them. They wouldn't have found all those passages and rooms if it weren't for me. I discovered most of them." _I guess being a rat was good for something._ He recalled scrabbling through countless fissures and crannies to find places his friends never would have been able to reach on their own. "And you can change it back to plain parchment in a snap—so no one knows we have it." Peter withdrew his wand. "All you have to do to make the map appear is this." He cleared his throat. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." He tapped the parchment. Ink sprouted over the page like a rush of spring flowers, forming halls and rooms.

"You're amazing, Peter," Lucy whispered.

* * *

Afternoon became evening and evening faded to night and Hogwarts' occupants never thought to doubt the Marauders' presence.

Sirius' current favorite girl found roses in the oddest places; an entire bathroom was missing its toilet seats; and Slytherin purists had quite the trouble with frogs infesting their school supplies. Crouch had rotten eggs poured over him, though his temper was fouler than the cloud of sulfur.

Well after curfew, tucked away in the Life Defenders' headquarters, the unlikely trio congratulated each other on their success. Regulus tried very hard to pretend he was against what they'd done, but the hint of a smirk lingered in his eyes.

Peter swelled with pride, but tried to push it back, at least for a little while.

Lucy grinned.

"Honestly?" Regulus said.

"It's all innocent fun," said Lucy.

"Believe me, the real Marauders have done way worse," Peter added.

"What do you mean 'real' Marauders? Isn't that us, Wormtail?" Lucy said.

"I don't call you Carrot," Peter grumped.

"Sorry, leader." Lucy blushed. "Is 'Pete' fine?"

"Yeah, fine. So, if they're not back tomorrow…"

"We'll pull the greatest prank of the year!" said Lucy.

"Pray they'll be back Monday," said Regulus.

"I'd pray that on my life…" Peter whispered, so low neither Lucy nor Regulus could have heard.

* * *

Sunday morning Lucy sat at breakfast. She bit into her ham sandwich but couldn't manage to swallow more than that one bite. Forever later, Peter peeked in the Hall doorway. Lucy hurried over, sandwich in hand. "Are-they-back-yet?" Her words ran together.

"Sorry, what?" said Peter. "But while you're here, they're still not back."

Lucy took another bite. "That's what I _just_ asked."

"What's your prank idea this time?" said Peter.

"I'm all out. It's yer turn."

Peter thought a moment. "If they're not back before one o'clock, I suppose we could…"

* * *

The Marauders weren't back by one, despite Lucy and Peter's scouting for hours in the rain.

Peter and Lucy donned scarlet Quidditch capes and headed for the playing field.

"How good are ye on the broom?" Lucy said.

"Horrible. I lose concentration every time because I'm afraid of heights. Then I crash."

"Oh."

"You?" Peter seemed hopeful she was better than him.

"I like winged horses better," said Lucy. "I never quite caught it with the bloomin' broom."

"I suppose it's good no one will figure this out… You're sure Regulus will come?"

"Aye. He'll be right along." Then Lucy mumbled, "At least, I hope he will." She flashed a warm smile at Peter. "Now, help me with me hair."

"Stand still." Peter drew his wand. As he placed the charm, Lucy's hair darkened, smoothed and flattened into a rush of dark red instead of an orange haystack. Lucy ran her fingers through it and admired the change in the reflection of her Quidditch goggles. "Ye sure have a gift with this transformation stuff, ya know."

"I… had good mentors. And lots of practice."

"Still, this takes skill." Lucy fluffed her perfect hair. "Never in a million years of usin' magic and potions could I make my hair look like this. Can I keep it?""

"Why? Your regular hair looks better."

"Think so?" Lucy hid surprise as smooth locks of what should have been Lily's hair framed her face.

"Yeah. It doesn't look quite right. Your normal hair looks kinda cool. Besides, you know how transformation magic works. It's never permanent. You'll slowly revert, no matter what I do. Hey, your ear?" He pointed and frowned.

"What?" Lucy looked up from her reflection.

"Is it pointed?"

Lucy's hand flew to her ear and quickly pulled hair over it. "It's…" She blushed.

"Right, you said you're a quarter Jotunn? Some Icelandic troll?"

Lucy nodded. "Me grandmother. The hair's from her, and the ears. Thankfully, I don't have her tail."

"Cool!" Peter prepared his own transformation and had just darkened his hair when Regulus arrived. "No one's ever going to buy this," he murmured as he donned a pair of James' extra glasses.

"In the dark while ye're zoomin' by on a broom? No one will know the difference," said Lucy. She adjusted the scarlet robe. _We look awfully strange in these getups._

Regulus snorted. "This better be worth it."

"Paddy's going to be in detention for life," Peter muttered.

Regulus smiled evilly. "Good."

"We ready?" Lucy got on her broom. "Remember to show off in front of the library window."

Regulus nodded, hopped on his broom and straightened his Quidditch robe.

_He really does look like Sirius with 'is hair tanglin' in the wind. Could be no one'll notice it's Regulus._

"Let's go." Peter led the way on his broom.

* * *

Regulus loved to fly—to see the landscape roll beneath him like waves of emerald and earth. The air felt free. In that moment, what he needed to do became so easy.

He dove for the library window, made three somersaults and flashed a smile at the girls nearest him. They giggled.

Lucy flew alongside, just in view of the girls, but with enough shadow over her to hide her real identity. "Told ye it'd be a snap."

"Let's just get this over with!" Peter wailed as he clung to his broom much closer to the ground.

"All right," said Regulus with a sigh. He headed for the astronomy tower, drew his wand and bulleted up the side of the school to the castle's highest tower.

"I thought he wasn't one for pranks," said Peter.

"Any reason to smile is a good reason." Lucy followed Regulus—though a bit less daringly. "Come on."

Peter followed.

Regulus aimed his wand at the tower. Students poked heads from windows to watch.

Within two minutes, the trio zoomed off. They landed in the Quidditch field with a clear view of their handiwork. None of the teachers had opportunity to see or stop them.

"That's true art," Lucy declared. "Worthy of Picasso, I'd say!"

"Who's Picasso?" said Regulus, still admiring the tower.

"Some muggle artist, I think," said Lucy. "One of me neighbors said that a lot."

"Muggle?" said Regulus. "Then his pictures didn't even move. How boring. How do you remember that name?"

Lucy smiled. "I remember weird stuff. Usually useless things."

"I know that feeling," said Peter. "Sometimes I remember everything about some Quidditch tournament, but when I need information for an essay—on something the teacher already taught—I can't recall a thing."

"Life can be strange that way." Lucy left to rummage under the nearby spectator seats.

"How long you think Sirius will have detention?" said Regulus.

"Rest of the school year for sure—so the rest of his time at Hogwarts."

"Brilliant." Reg grinned.

"Right now, you're a lot like Sirius."

"Oh no." Reg grimaced. "How do I make it stop?"

"You're doing that fine already. He's a nice bloke. You shouldn't be so hard on him. He's a little arrogant but a good friend."

"Be glad you don't have any older siblings." Reg snorted.

"I've both an older sister and brother—way older, in fact. When I started Hogwarts, my sister was on her last year and my brother already worked for the Ministry."

"How are you with them?"

Peter tapped the grass with his broom handle. "I don't know. They're just there, I suppose—and way bigger than me. We don't talk much."

"How 'bout you?" said Reg as Lucy returned with a basket. "Any annoying siblings?"

"Nay. Only child. Me mum was ill—shouldn't have been able to have children at all. Then I happened, and people considered it a wee bit of a miracle. They wanted more kids, but it wasn't ta be. Too bad… would've been nice with a little sister or brother, I think. Butterbeer?" She offered Reg and Peter a drink. Both accepted. "Wish I had a sibling though. Grew up on a farm with no kids for miles. It would've been nice to have had a play friend or something. Someone to teach stuff to." Lucy's face fell.

"I say be grateful you don't have to drag around with one," said Reg. "Or with any family, for that matter. There isn't one person in my family I'd want to see again."

Lucy got quiet.

"You were close to your parents, weren't you?" Peter said to Lucy.

 _Idiot!_ Reg could have hit himself over the head. _She just lost her whole family last year…_

"When I was… real little…" Lucy said, "me dad would let me ride on his shoulders. I'd ask 'im to run, and he'd go as fast as he could—almost felt like flyin', it did. I'm very lucky." She sipped her butterbeer. "In any case, here's to friends and family—wanted or not." She clanked the glass bottle against Reg's then Peter's. "To the B-Squad! Thanks, mates." She smiled at Peter.

"You're welcome, and thank _you_ ," Peter said, "for a job well done."

The three sat together in the top row of the stands, finishing their butterbeer as they admired the astronomy tower. Huge, red letters declared, "The Dark Lord can suck it!"

* * *

— _Breakfast, Monday morning_ —

"Let me get this straight," said Sirius. "You three," he pointed to Peter, Regulus and Lucy, "spent all weekend setting up pranks and framing _us_ for them? And you succeeded?"

"Aye," said Lucy.

"I believe a thank you is in order," said Regulus. "No one will believe you weren't at the castle. We covered your sorry behinds."

"You have no idea how much," said Lily.

"I've never been so proud in my entire life." Sirius sniffed then lunged for the three. "Come here."

"Get away!" Regulus ducked out of Sirius' reach. "No, thank you."

Sirius hugged Lucy and Peter, seeming not to notice his brother's absence. You're the bestest friends ever!"

James chuckled. "Don't smother them, Pads! Let's have some breakfast. I didn't think it was possible, but I'm in a better mood now, thanks to you three."

Peter grinned. _I did it! I did something worthwhile!_ That small, useless feeling melted away as Lucy flung an arm over his shoulder and they all walked to the Gryffindor table. For a moment last night, he'd felt competent—a leader, but as they passed the Slytherin table, Crouch's dangerous stare banished Peter's confidence. Even as his friends lent him misplaced enthusiasm, Peter felt like a rat again, trapped in a corner by a dragon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So some of you may have kept an eye on that little number on top of the story showing how many chapters this story is going to have.   
> And you can see, the next weeks chapter is going to be the last one for book two of. "Different paths." 
> 
> How-ever, good news everyone. We will NOT be taking a break between book 2 and 3! Next Thursday will be last chapter of book 2, but then we shall jump RIGHT into book three the week after. Book three which will be titled. "Fractured paths." 
> 
> Enjoy :)


	16. Lily's choice

The week after the werewolf incident was a nightmare. No matter how tired she was, Lily couldn't sleep. Thoughts clamored in her head like street vendors, each shouting to be heard at the same instant.

Just last night she'd told James about the vial Severus gave her. "I won't open it," she'd said. "That's what he wants me to do, but I won't give him the satisfaction!"

James' response was to prop his feet on a table and say, "Fine. Throw it out, so it won't tempt you."

"They're his memories! I can't do that."

"Then stop obsessing."

"I'm _not_ obsessing!"

The conversation spiraled from there.

Thursday evening, the Life Defenders meeting proved no better. Lily still claimed to be rational, but most disagreed.

" _Expecto Patronum_!" She swung her wand like an obstinate hammer, but there was no spark, not even silver mist. " _Expecto Patronum. Expecto Patronum!"_

Younger members scurried to other parts of the room with more than one sideways glance at her.

"Gotta be that time of the month again," James muttered from his favorite leaning spot near the door.

"It wasn't funny the first time you said that," Remus said. "Now, it's even less funny."

"Don't blame Prongsie!" said Sirius. "Blame God. He's holding the puppet strings, isn't He? And what a horrid sense of humor!"

Remus glared.

"What?" Sirius threw up both hands.

"You're such an idiot," James said.

* * *

Thursday night, well past 2 A.M., Lily sat up in bed. No matter what she tried, sleep refused her company. The silver vial Severus gave her felt more like a stick of lit dynamite than a slim, glass tube.

 _Stupid—idiotic! Sev, I hate you. I hate you. I hate you!_ Lily plunked the vial onto her nightstand and thumped back onto her pillow, which she pulled over her head. No chance for sleep tonight either. She cursed Severus again.

* * *

James and the other three original Marauders crashed into bed, exhausted.

Dreams of eating strawberries with whipped cream crowded James' head and represented a rare moment of peace. No nightmares of wild beasts with bared fangs.

"James, wake up!"

"Wha…?" Everything in the room was one giant blur, but one red smear hovered over him "Lily!" He almost fell out of bed in shock.

"Shh!" she covered his mouth. "I need a favor."

"So, you come here in the middle of the night?" he whispered, careful not to wake any of the others.

"I need to borrow the map and cloak."

"Why?"

"And Dumbledore's Pensieve."

"You're going to look at the memories?" James sat a little straighter.

Lily's tone turned bitter. "I haven't had a moment's rest the _entire_ week, and I won't be able to sleep until I look at them."

"You're sure? You said—"

"I _know_ what I said!" she snapped. "I changed by mind, okay? Can I borrow the map and cloak, or not?"

"Easy, easy. Of course, you can." James fumbled to put on his glasses, then dug through his trunk as quietly as possible. "But I'm coming with you."

"No."

"Then you won't be borrowing anything. Sorry, love."

Lily's face reddened in anger. "Fine," she hissed. "Come. But don't tell the others."

"Wouldn't dream of it." With a smile, James pulled out the silvery cloak.

* * *

"You're absolutely sure about this?" said James, and he stood in Dumbledore's office with Lily. The Pensieve swirled, waiting.

"Not really," Lily muttered. "The better half of me is screaming this is a bad idea—that I'll regret it later… I already know this won't tell me the whole story—just what he thinks will make me hate him."

"Then why bother?"

"I've got to. I hate being left out—not knowing. Maybe we'll find some clues to figuring out this mess."

"Want me to come with you?" said James.

"Don't even think about it, Potter," Lily said. "Whatever happens, even if I scream, don't come in there. Here me? Pull me up if you feel you have to, but don't you dare go in." Lily faced the Pensieve. Memories lit the dark office like pieces of a glowing puzzle. Lily took a deep breath and thrust her face down into the Pensieve.

The instant her face broke the surface, air rushed over her, as if she were falling into the deepest hole she'd ever seen. Dizziness tried to disorient her until she landed on her feet. It took half an instant to know where she was. Hogwarts.

Beside her sat Sev, looking himself—or, as he'd been a year ago—young, sullen, awkward, hooked nose buried in a book. Greed oozed from him.

 _How could I have forgotten that awful look? Before he changed._ She shivered. _He looks like a spider on the hunt for unsuspecting flies._

"Hey, Snivellus!"

 _James!_ But not the mature, level-headed one she'd just left. Instead, this James was childish and closed-minded. _Why show me this—Sirius and James torturing you after O.W.L.s? It's horrible, but it doesn't change anything._

"Leave him alone!" Lily's other self ran to Severus' rescue.

But Severus' response was nothing like she remembered. Instead of quiet calculation, he fumed and aimed his wand at James. A _Sectumsempra_ split James' chin, but the next instant, Severus hung upside down, robes upended by James' _Levicorpus_.

Students surrounded the pair and cheered James on.

Lily's double railed at James, though he never stopped his attempts to flirt with her. "Take the curse off him!" Her double swore at James.

Severus thudded to the ground.

"You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus." James sneered.

Severus' face twisted in fury. "I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

Lily's jaw dropped. _Him? He_ genuinely _called me a Mudblood…_ _No, no, hold on. He wants me to hate him. "Mudblood" is harsh, but there are worse things._

Her double's face turned colder than a winter moor. "Fine. I won't bother anymore. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."

"What!? I didn't say that. That's not me!" Lily covered her mouth in horror.

Other James cut in. "Apologize to Evans," he roared at Severus, wand pointed threateningly.

"I don't want you to make him apologize," her double growled and turned on James. "You're as bad as he is."

Lily shouted into the air, "I don't know why you're showing me this. To teach me a lesson? I'm not that person anymore. I changed my mind about you because you gave me a reason to! Yes, at the time I doubted our friendship, but you've more than proven where your heart is. What good would ever come of this? What do you want me to see? You've already proven you're worth waiting for."

The scene shifted.

"Great. Now, where am I?"

The Gryffindor common room entrance swirled into focus. Her double leaned out the portrait hole, Sev still in the hall. "I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, and I've chosen mine," she said.

"No—I didn't mean—"

"—to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone else with my heritage Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

Severus struggled for the right words, but just as he started to speak, Lily's double disappeared, and the portrait hole closed.

At first, Sev looked terribly hurt, on the verge of tears as he laid one hand on the portrait. Then his face creased in anger and through his sadness he roared, "Fine. _Fine_! Go! I don't need you, _stupid_ Mudblood!"

Lily gasped.

"I'll become all-powerful. You'll see! I'll show them, and I'll show _you_!" Severus' rage flared. "You should be honored I ever wanted to spend time with you! You'll come crawling back. You'll see!"

"Sev, _you_ …" Lily gritted her teeth and silently hurled more than one insult.

The scene changed again, giving the young Severus no time to be sad, only angry.

Now, she stood inside a mansion. Half a dozen black-robed men gathered around Severus, still young. Sev smiled, as if this were the proudest moment of his life. His black eyes shone with ambition and greed.

"Severus Snape."

 _That voice!_ _It's… it's_ him _… Lord Voldemort._

The man's red eyes, pale skin and appalling face confirmed it. "You wish to serve me?" Voldemort took Severus' arm.

Sev nearly trembled in anticipated. "Yes, my lord," he whispered in glee.

"You take this mark of your own free will?"

"Yes, my lord."

Lily's stomach lurched. _I can't watch this._ But neither could she turn away as Severus too-happily offered Voldemort his bare, pale arm.

Voldemort's grin said he knew how much potential Severus had, and the tip of his white wand sizzled against Sev's skin.

Sweat beaded on Severus' forehead as he fought pain through gritted teeth. He groaned, but didn't pull away even as his flesh smoked.

Voldemort finished. Sev collapsed but admired his new brand—a skull and snake—imprinted there… forever.

Again, the memory changed. Now they stood outside. Eight Death Eaters scattered the scene and a group of thin, frightened people huddled together.

"Stupid Mudbloods!" sneered Bellatrix Lestrange. "Haha! This is such fun!"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Are you done yet?"

"Just let me finish this, dear." Bellatrix aimed her wand at the terrified group.

One girl, hair long, brown and straight, glasses framing chocolate eyes, cowered near the edge of the group. She sent pleading looks at Severus, but he seemed not to see or recognize her.

_Penelope!_

"Please…" Penelope begged, "have mercy. I didn't do anything wrong."

This caught Severus' attention, but only for an instant before he turned away.

" _Avada Kedavra_." From Bellatrix's wand flew the emerald curse. It speared through Penelope, killing her in an instant. She crumpled like an old sack along with the rest of the group.

Severus turned away, but not before the image seared into his memory.

Lily closed her eyes to the horror. _This doesn't mean anything. He had no choice. He—it just wasn't right!_

When she opened her eyes again, Severus knelt before a wooden door in an old hotel hallway, ear pressed to the door like a second-rate stalker. Greasy, black hair fell into his sullen face, and he looked much like a cross between an eel and a snake.

Severus licked his lips greedily, hands on the door. "And one must die at the hand of the other, for neither can live while the other survives…" he whispered in glee.

"What?" Lily said. "What does that even mean, Sev?"

But the image changed before she got an answer.

Severus stood before Voldemort and in triumph repeated the strange sentence from before.

Voldemort's angry hiss filled the room. His hands turned to tight fists. "They think someone has a power I don't? We must crush those hopes."

"Easily done, my lord. Parents who defied thee three times and recently gave birth to a child, near the end of July—there cannot be many of those. We'll make an example of them." Severus grinned.

"That will surely crush Dumbledore's foolish hopes," said Voldemort. "Good. Very good, indeed. A job well done, Severus. You shall be rewarded."

"My lord is too kind." Severus didn't hide his grin as he bowed.

 _I'd jump in and lop him over the head right now! This is appalling. He just sentenced an entire family to death without even knowing who they are._ Her stomach curdled again.

"We'll strike the Potters on Halloween," said Voldemort.

Severus' grin vanished and his already-pale face blanched. "What?"

"The Potters?" Lily said. "James' kid? He's got a _kid_?" _Doesn't seem the type._

"The Potters," Voldemort confirmed. "They just had a child, on the last day of July. Didn't you know, Severus?"

"Th-the—the—Potters?"

"Something the matter?" Voldemort's hand glided over his wand as he approached Severus.

"No, my lord, of course not. Or well… yes, I mean…" Sweat ran down Severus' neck. "L-Lily Potter. You don't need to kill her, do you? It's only the child that matters, is it not?"

"What!" Lily's shout would have woken the dead if she'd truly been present. "I married James? And had a child with him?" She glared at Severus. "And he's fine with _killing my child_? Severus, you _idiot_!"

"Is that Mudblood of special interest to you?" said Voldemort.

Severus blushed, and he avoided Voldemort's gaze. "I fancy her." The admission was awkward and filled with shame.

"Her?" Voldemort raised a brow. "A filthy Mudblood?"

Severus seemed even more embarrassed. "Please… I ask—no—I beg—I _beg_ of you." He fell to his knees before Voldemort. "Spare Lily Potter! I'll do anything! Spare her! I'll never make another request or question anything the mighty lord says, just… this once, have mercy. Please."

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," Lily muttered. _He pleads not for James, or my child, or countless other lives—just mine._ "Me over a baby…" _Stop. He wants me to do this—to hate him. That's why he's showing me this. He picked these memories to make me as angry at him as possible._ She tried to view the rest of the conversation with that in mind, but revulsion still rose.

"I shall consider it," said Voldemort with no more emotion than someone choosing which pair of socks to wear. "You've done well, so I'll let it go for now. Leave me. I have other plans to consider."

Severus got up but as he left, he shook so much his feet barely cooperated, and he stumbled out like a horse beaten once too often, almost as if Voldemort's last words broke something inside him.

_Maybe he didn't even realize it, but this was the day that old Sev died and the new one was born. Well… maybe not quite today, but soon. He's so close… This is just one of the moments between. Why? How could things have been so horrid that Sev had to grow up this way?_

Another scene appeared—the living room of Sev's house in Spinner's End. But this version of it was worse than anything she'd seen before.

Severus stood at the room's center, a tornado of fury. With a wordless scream he flung the table across the room, tore down and burned books and smashed vials. The hearth fire crackled like the snap of brittle bones. Tears of agony streamed down Severus' face as he kicked the nearest chair into the wall. It splintered and fell in a disjointed heap.

He snatched up a framed picture and poised to throw it, but one glance at the image and he stopped. Severus sank into a corner of the destroyed room and wept. "My fault… It's all my fault." His grip on the frame slipped, and it hit the floor with a crack. Glass scattered.

Lily discovered the picture was of her and Sev when they were eleven and oh-so-proudly on their way to Hogwarts for the first time. "I… I died… Voldemort killed me."

"My fault." Severus held his face in his hands.

"What about the child, Sev?" said Lily. "Don't you care about the child he wanted to kill? A baby— _my_ baby!"

In distraught rage, Severus cursed James, Voldemort and Dumbledore.

Lily sat in front of Severus, helpless. She couldn't touch or speak to him, couldn't forgive him, not that she could decide which she wanted to do. The urge to throw up had never been so attractive. She shut her eyes, but Severus' memories persisted.

Another voice said, "But the child is safe, Severus. Isn't that something? Voldemort couldn't kill him."

"I don't care about the child! I wish he'd died, and she'd lived!"

Lily covered her ears and sobbed. _I don't want to die! But… if I had to decide between myself and my baby—even if I've never met him—I'd give myself up._ Severus' words just now twisted into her heart like a knife. _That's who I am, Sev. You don't get it._

The world shifted again.

This room she didn't recognize, small, dungeon-like with gray walls—and probably cold. Shelves filled with books, jars and potion ingredients covered the walls. On a desk in the middle of the room lay parchments and a quill. It was neat but devoid of warmth.

A shadow—the room's owner—stood with his back to her. He read a book, and in the sparse light he seemed no more than a black silhouette. Long, dark hair fell to his shoulders and black robes flowed with each graceful movement as he flipped another page.

"Sev…" Lily whispered.

He closed the book and stuffed it back into its place on the shelf. Then he faced her.

Lily took a step back. This Sev was barely recognizable, and certainly not a teenager. He stood straight, face emotionless—quite the contrast from the mess he'd been in the last memory. Every feeling was locked away. No weakness, no boyishness or awkwardness remained. This Severus was the picture of control. He seemed a man unwise to cross, with no emotion to distract him. He looked strong and cold to the core.

Severus walked in sure strides to the door, robes billowing at his heels. He stepped into… a classroom?

A group of eleven-year-old students gazed at Severus anxiously, parchments and books ready, awaiting what he had to say.

Lily took a seat beside one student to see what Severus would do now.

He began with roll call but stopped at one name over half-way down the list. "Ah, yes, Harry Potter. Our new… _celebrity._ "

Lily followed Sev's gaze to the child beside her—a young copy of James. But he had her emerald eyes.

Severus looked down at the boy from the front of the classroom. The boy seemed intimidated, and Lily's heart melted at the sight of him. _If only I could touch him._ But she pushed back the urge to try and shifted her attention back to Severus' lecture.

"You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion making." Severus spoke in hardly a whisper, yet every word was clear.

Without any effort from Sev—aside from lurking about like an intimidating bat—the class was silent in his presence.

"As there is little foolish wand waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic. I don't expect you to understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes and delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses…"

_He must've been bored stiff to come up with a speech like that. What's with him? He's so uptight and strict._

"I can teach you to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death—if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach."

Lily sniggered into her hand. "Go ahead and intimidate the kids from day one. That won't come back to bite you later. You sound like a self-important Pete, Sev." Her attention turned to the boy next to her—Harry, Sev had called him. Lily's heart pattered again. _He's adorable._ She propped her chin in one hand. Harry exchanged looks with a little red-headed boy to his right.

"Potter!" Severus made both Lily and Harry jump. "What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

_What kind of stupid question is that to ask a first year?_

Harry looked to the red head again, then shrugged. "I don't know, sir."

Severus' lips curled into a sneer. "Tut tut. Fame clearly isn't everything."

 _Wait…_ Lily clapped a fist into her palm in realization. _You've been so happy the past half year I'd nearly forgotten, Sev. That sneer, the grumpy attitude and remarks—it's a defense. Whenever you're insecure, you'll do anything not to show it. You'd never want to appear vulnerable, so you'll sneer and insult as an outlet. That's how I knew it was really you after the lake incident._

_This kid… Harry Potter… he makes you insecure, doesn't he? Is it guilt? Or something else? Whatever it is, it's amusing._

"Let's try again, Potter. Where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?"

Lily shook her head. "Poor Harry…" Then she chuckled. _I can't take this grownup, dangerous Sev seriously. I know him too well._

"I don't know, sir," Harry said again.

"Thought you wouldn't open a book before coming, eh, Potter?"

Lily burst out laughing this time. _This is supposed to make me angry? All this proves is Sev's a brilliant potion brewer but a lousy teacher. And he still doesn't know how to handle pressure. He's still just as awkward that way—just much better at covering it up. If I didn't know him so well, this might have made me cranky, but this is too funny._

_Somehow, I doubt this grumpy old Severus isn't above smashing Harry's potion samples and giving him a zero for it, despite how tall and dignified he looks now with his smooth voice and strong body language. Some things never change. It's nice to still see signs of my insecure Sev._

Harry hesitated. "I don't know, sir, but I think Hermione does. Why don't you ask her?" He hinted at the girl almost falling out of her chair with her hand in the air.

Lily folded her arms on the desk and rested her head on them as Harry looked from Severus to the board and back.

"Hey, Harry," Lily whispered. "I know you can't hear me, but I want you to know I'm so glad I got to see you like this. I hope Sev shows me how you turn out." She wanted to run her fingers through his short, brown hair. "You're so gorgeous. Way better looking than James, anyway. I'm so proud of how you turned out."

The scene changed again, stealing Lily from her son.

In a dungeon, Severus cornered a man Lily didn't recognize—an old man with a long, black beard. His gray eyes were afraid as Severus burned with passionate anger. "Don't deny it, Karkaroff."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Karkaroff pressed his back to the wall, but Severus grabbed his arm and ripped up the sleeve to display a black mark.

"He's back…"

"No!" Karkaroff tried to escape Severus' grip. "He can't be! He's dead—thirteen years!"

"You deny the proof?" Severus sneered and let go. "Stop being such a bloody coward and do something to stop it."

Karkaroff gulped. "If he's really coming back, we shouldn't fight him. No one defies the Dark Lord."

"You're a coward," Severus said. "And if I discover you're involved in targeting Potter or Crouch's disappearance," Severus held up his wand menacingly, "you'll pay dearly." The intensity that rolled off him said this was no empty threat.

"You wouldn't," said Karkaroff.

Severus raised a brow. "I've done far worse before."

The dungeon morphed into an office. Severus stood near a blue-eyed young man who sat drooling in his seat—face empty, unseeing.

A silver doe pranced around the office, keeping several Dementors outside away. When a silver, spectacled cat leapt in, Severus canceled his Patronus an instant before Professor McGonagall stepped in—almost as if he didn't want her to see it.

"Is it true?" said McGonagall. "Is he…?"

"Kissed? From what I saw, yes?"

"I'm going to kill Fudge," McGonagall said. "Personally."

"He's a weak coward. He'll get what's coming to him soon enough. He won't be able to handle the pressure," said Severus, his eyes sharp and serious, as if he was preparing for a battle.

"And… _He_ is back?" McGonagall said.

Severus gripped the spot on his arm where his mark would be and nodded. "Potter told the truth. At last, after all these years, the Dark Lord has returned."

Lily didn't completely understand the conversation. The Dementor-kissed young man in the chair looked familiar.

"What does the Ministry want us to do with Crouch?" said McGonagall in slight disgust. "Will they leave him here?"

"We've already established the officials handling this operation are cowards. They'll likely dump Crouch off to rot somewhere."

 _Crouch? Barty Crouch Jr.? So, he really did have it in him to become a Death Eater. But…_ Lily swallowed rising bile. Crouch looked more awful than should have been possible. His skin stretched like thin wax over bones and hollow eyes. A long string of saliva dangled from his chin and his eyes seemed more like the reflection off a glacier than windows to a living soul. This wasn't Crouch. It was a sad husk.

Dumbledore entered, looking grim, "Minerva, I need a word with Severus. Would you excuse us?"

"Of course, Albus. I'll be downstairs dealing with the reporters." Professor McGonagall left.

Dumbledore looked right at Sev. "You must go to him."

Severus' jaw tightened, as did the hand that gripped his marked arm. "You're asking me to re-assume my position as a spy?"

"You must. You know that as well as I do. He can kill you through that." Dumbledore indicated the hidden mark. "And if you don't show up, he most certainly will. He'll kill anyone who doesn't come, and I'm afraid poor Karkaroff won't make it far when he chooses to run. You're not going to run… are you?"

"No."

"Then go," said Dumbledore. "And hurry."

"No need to be so pushy," Severus snapped as he passed Dumbledore on his way out. "One might think you _want_ me to be in mortal danger."

As the scene changed again, ice crept up Lily's spine.

Severus stood face to face with… No, that couldn't be Voldemort. Maybe his outside finally matched the ghastly, ripped pieces of his soul.

The thing Severus faced looked more reptile than man with a white, bony head, no nose and red, reptilian eyes. "You're late," said Voldemort. The same snake that Penelope killed draped his shoulders.

"My deepest apologies, my lord." Severus bowed. "It was a hard wait but seeing the Dark Lord and feeling his power again… it's well worth it."

"Hmm… Interesting." Voldemort circled Severus. "So many who've returned to me have declined in the past decade, turned more pathetic. But that young boy I remember has returned a man. Can I trust him? He's become a smooth talker. Very smooth." He stopped in front of Severus. "Though still one who hasn't explained himself."

"Let me speak, my lord. I'm sure you'll be pleased. With my few hours of waiting, I've brought something valuable, something I think you'll like." Severus flashed a wicked grin. "Dumbledore's trust. The old fool thinks I'm here at his command, as his personal spy. What he doesn't know is I've always craved the Dark Lord's power. Those speeches of righteousness the old man spews do nothing but fuel that fire in me."

"The years have done you well, Severus," said Voldemort. "You don't even shake in my presence. Can it be true? A servant with a backbone?"

The other Death Eaters simpered like chastised children.

Severus' face never faltered. "I know more of the world now, and I trust the Dark Lord and his vision more than ever. I know what he needs and that he is truer than those foolish Ministry people or the filthy muggles."

"Convenient—saying everything I want to hear. I must tell you, Severus, these pathetic clowns tried the same thing." He swept a hand toward the other Death Eaters. "But none of them were as smooth as you. What makes you so different? You didn't come to look for me or continue the fight for my cause. You lived in Dumbledore's protection. How can I trust you?" He leaned to within six inches of Severus' nose.

Severus held the Dark Lord's intense gaze. "You can't."

Voldemort chuckled. "I can't?" He faced the others. "The only one in this circle who admits the truth is Severus! Why should I keep any of you?" He turned back to Severus, red eyes hungry as a starved jackal. "Why?"

"All I can give is my word," said Severus. "And beg of you one chance to prove myself again. I can give you information—be a spy at Dumbledore's side. That is more than they have to offer." He eyed the rest of the Death Eaters. "And that is my welcome home gift to you—the opportunity to gain needed information and more, my lord." He bowed with the elegance of a seasoned courtier then stood tall. The tiniest smile turned up the corner of his mouth and even now, he didn't waver or tremble at all.

"I'm impressed." Voldemort circled Severus as if he studied a prized trophy. "You're the only one here who's earned your chance. Use it well. If you do not please me, you know what will happen."

Severus' smile spread. "It would be nothing less than what I deserved. Thank you, my lord." He bowed again.

Lily rubbed her aching head. "Wait, Sev. Which parts of that were true?"

The image changed, offering no answers.

Lily sat beside Severus at a table in a warm room. Many others sat with them—an odd bunch. A nice-looking, chubby, red-headed woman sat beside a balding man of the same hair color. With them sat Professor McGonagall, Dumbledore and several others Lily didn't recognize.

"It's too convenient!" A gaunt-faced man hammered the table with one fist as his beard and long black hair tangled to hide half his face. "He's just telling us what we want to hear!" He pointed a crooked finger at Severus.

"Calm down, Sirius." A shabby man beside him laid a staying hand on his shoulder.

 _Sirius?_ Lily studied the gaunt face. _What happened to him?_ Sirius was someone she would have sworn would always look good—even at eighty years old, he'd be a silver fox, a lady-killer… But this man… looked ill, every bit of life sucked from him. He still had the same eyes, same shape to his features, but nothing else. His skin drew tight like yellowed hide over bare bones—as if he'd not seen the sun for years. His teeth had yellowed, rotted, and permanent bags sagged beneath bloodshot eyes. Anger hid in Sirius' worn face and madness loomed in his eyes like an uninvited guest.

"You've got to admit there's a lot to question here, Moony," said Sirius in a voice rough and animal like, as if he hadn't spoken in some time.

Unlike Sirius, Remus seemed just as much himself as ever and his shabbiness didn't surprise Lily. His gray eyes still held caring even if his sandy hair grayed. Though thin and threadbare, he looked well. "If we question every detail, we'll never get anywhere. We have to trust Severus," said Remus. "And I do."

"Let the mutt think what he will," said Severus. "Just let me do my job and stay out of the way."

" _Your_ job," Sirius sneered. "is to protect Harry! Are you doing that? Do you think I don't know you'd love to have him killed? Touch one hair on my godson's head at those occluding lessons, and I swear I'll—"

 _Kill Harry?_ Lily's headache demanded attention again as she tried to make sense of this.

"Do what?" Severus raised a brow. "Run outside like the mutt you are and be caught in ten minutes—then be sent back to Azkaban, or killed by the Dark Lord before you can do anything to stop me? That's a laugh."

"We can't trust him!" Sirius pleaded with Dumbledore. "We can't."

"That isn't for you to decide," said Dumbledore. " _I_ trust him with my _life_ , and that should be good enough for you."

_That's something, at least—Dumbledore saying he trusts Sev that much. But what's he done to be worthy of that kind of trust?_

The next instant, Lily stood atop the astronomy tower. Stars hung in the brisk night air. Around her stood more people than she'd ever seen up here at once: a young blonde boy, Bellatrix Lestrange, Fenrir Greyback, Severus and some Death Eaters all faced Dumbledore. Severus' face twisted in hatred making him appear a hellish creature as his cloak billowed in the wind.

Lily whimpered in genuine fear.

This wasn't Sev. It was Snape, the spy, Death Eater, master of the dark arts, and heaven help the object of his wrath. _What could earn such spite?_ She followed his gaze. "Dumbledore!"

The old Headmaster faced the Death Eaters empty-handed. His wand lay nearby. Behind him was a fall certain to kill anyone. "Severus," he said in a somber whisper that betrayed his age. "Please…"

Snape drew his wand. " _Avada Kedavra_!" The curse flung Dumbledore off the tower.

" _NO_!" Lily rushed past them all, as if she could save the Headmaster, but all she saw was his body crash to the ground, broken. Though he couldn't hear her, Lily turned on Severus in tears. "I don't understand! This doesn't make sense. Why? Why did you do that? You're only showing me half the picture!"

But Severus grabbed the blonde boy and left.

This time, the image didn't change. Instead, Lily had to follow Severus. She ran with the Death Eaters as Severus dragged the boy.

"Fool!" Severus hissed to the boy.

"I—I'm sorry."

"As if that will fix everything," Severus sneered.

Bellatrix' sing-song laugh filled the hall. "We killed Dumbledore. We killed Dumbledore! Whoopee!" She smashed a few windows in glee.

Ahead, a fight ensued.

The older Remus aimed a stunner at Greyback as spells flew all around them. People slammed into the ground or sailed into the air.

Severus pushed through the fray, seeming not to notice the deadly bolts that whizzed by.

"Severus, what's—?" McGonagall began only for Severus to throw a stunner, sending her crashing into a wall.

Lily covered a gasp, but, of course, Severus passed her without noticing.

In a blink they were outside. Behind her stood Hagrid's hut, in flames. Death Eaters fought Hagrid.

" _Stupefy_!"

A red beam flew at Severus. He dodged but let go of the boy he still dragged along. "Run, Draco!" Severus shoved the boy, but his charge didn't need any more encouragement.

Lily discovered the attacker to be a grownup Harry. The mother in her recognized his green eyes, round glasses, shy, sincere face and messy hair. But he seemed so angry, hurt. And he threw hexes at only Severus—but Severus deflected each one.

" _Cruc_ —"

 _He tried to use_ Crucio _?_ She covered her mouth.

" _Sectum_ —"

Severus deflected with a flick of his wand, but Harry advanced, eyes a growing fire.

Tears welled in Lily's eyes.

" _Levi_ —"

"No, Potter!" bellowed Severus.

With an ear-shattering bang, Harry soared back. He hit the ground hard and his wand flew from his hand. Hagrid shouted, and Fang—Hagrid's Boarhound—howled as Severus closed the distance between him and Harry. The flames from the burning cabin lit Severus' pale, anger-twisted face.

_That's how he looked before he cursed Dumbledore…_

"You dare use my own spells against me, Potter? I invented them—I, the Half-Blood Prince! You'd turn my inventions on me, like your filthy father? I don't think so!"

Harry dove for his wand; Severus shot a hex at it and the wand flew into the darkness.

"Kill me, then," said Harry, fearless but consumed with rage and contempt, all directed at Severus. "Kill me like you killed Dumbledore, coward—"

"Don't—" Severus' face turned inhuman, as if he bore the same pain as the howling dog stuck in the inferno behind them. "—call me coward!" He hurled a _Sectumsempra_ at Harry and sent him tumbling back.

"NO!" Lily screamed and ran into the fray. "Stop it! Please, stop it!" She lunged for Severus, but the memory held no substance—nothing she could touch or change.

A hippogriff charged Severus, claws and beak ready to scratch him to death.

"Stupid creature," Severus hissed and flung a stunner just in time. It screeched and flew away. He stood over the unconscious Harry. From the castle came a cacophony, but Severus' face revealed nothing. With one last look at Harry, Severus left.

The memories snatched Lily away again.

"What? No! I've got to know what happened. What's going on?" She uttered a frustrated curse as she sat at a table surrounded by Death Eaters.

Voldemort sat at the table's head. An unfortunate woman hung in midair.

"Wonderful. I'm forced to watch another victimization." Lily turned to the nearby Severus, cold as she'd come to expect him. "How many memories of these have you got?" She forced back tears. "Do they ever end?"

"Severus?" the woman pleaded. "Please, we're friends! Help!"

Lily couldn't watch as Voldemort's snake devoured the woman alive. But Severus looked on, eyes never leaving the scene. _Why?_

In a blink the room emptied. Same marble table, same chairs, but only Severus and Voldemort remained.

"You've proven yourself most loyal." Voldemort smiled. "A far better servant than any other present. Instead of turning cowardly and pathetic, you grow stronger, cleverer. That is your asset."

"Thank you, my lord." Severus bowed his head. "That is indeed a great honor."

"Hogwarts will need a new Headmaster. Someone I can trust impeccably—who is neither stupid nor cowardly—someone who knows how to handle the position, who has experience in the field. I think it's the easiest choice I've ever made."

Severus bowed. "I'm honored."

"Hogwarts, the greatest place in the Wizarding World, and my most trusted servant is its Headmaster. All mine." Voldemort grinned. "I trust you know what must be done."

"The Mudbloods dim enough to enter school grounds must be punished," said Severus. "And Purebloods who don't acknowledge Slytherin's grandeur and the Dark Lord's power will be taught or punished. Or likely both."

 _This doesn't make sense._ The pounding in her head crawled down her neck as she fought tears.

When she looked up, she stood in the Headmaster's office. Severus sat behind the desk as if his chair were a throne. He propped both elbows on armrests and rested his chin on laced fingers, eyes closed, as if he hadn't a care in the world.

"What are you thinking?" said Lily. "Showing me pieces of your memories isn't what I'd—" She dried her eyes on her sleeve. "I knew you'd only show me yourself at your worst, but I never imagined… I hate you, Sev…" His gaunt face betrayed exhaustion and deep shadows rimmed his eyes. The silence of this memory was a welcome relief from the others, but quiet did little to quell her rising anger. "I hate you so much."

A memory of her own caught her attention—at the lake, last summer. Severus sat in front of her, eyes begging for her understanding. Each word seemed more plea than statement.

" _I'm a dark wizard, Lily," he said. "As dark as they come. I practice dark magic and understand it better than anyone else alive, and I have blood on my hands." He presented bare palms, as if blood covered them even now. "I've done… terrible things."_

Severus still sat at the desk in silence.

Only now, after a year and a half, did she begin to understand what his words back then meant—and what he wanted from her. It wasn't companionship, attention, or even love. But something else entirely. _But can I give it to him?_

Lily struggled to recall more of that conversation by the lake. Then it seemed trivial, but not now. _I asked him… if he would ever kill someone._ _And he said…_

" _In my last sixteen years, I only saw those die who I couldn't save, but if I had to, I'd definitely kill. I stepped over that line long ago."_

 _He meant he'd seen a lot of death._ She wanted to hit herself. _Everything I said back then was dumb! Now that I've seen death too… Nothing's the same. It's more terrible than I ever could have imagined. But how does any of this fit together?_

"You called for me?"

Lily snapped around.

Professor McGonagall entered and took a seat across the desk. She stared daggers at Severus.

"Potter."

"What about him?" Professor McGonagall folded her hands in her lap.

"I've recently discovered that you might know his whereabouts."

"You mean your Death Eater friends thought they found information?" McGonagall scoffed. "That's dim. No. I've no idea, and if I did, I'd never help you kill Potter. I happen to be fond of him. But now that I have you, those _Crucios_ on the students must stop!"

"Why? They're only used on those who oppose the Dark Lord."

Lily's stomach jolted. "You've _got_ to be kidding."

Severus was unmoved, but McGonagall seemed disgusted. "Say something to the twins. Anything."

"Why?" Severus said. "It's working well enough, isn't it?"

"Working well enough?" McGonagall hissed. "The students are being hurt! Badly! A second year nearly died because of too many _Crucios_ and beatings! She's _twelve_!"

"It's already happened. Not much I can do about it now," he said in the tone a child might use to discuss a particularly dull textbook.

In that moment Lily wanted to throttle him.

Severus continued, "If you persist, I'll have you escorted out. All I needed was your statement that you don't know Potter's whereabouts."

"How would I know where he is?" Professor McGonagall seemed every bit an annoyed, old witch. "Very well, _Headmaster_. I'll leave you alone."

The memory faded as Professor McGonagall left.

"No! No more! No more half pictures!" Lily shouted into the vanishing image. "Sev! _Stop_!"

And to her shock… everything did.

Sev and McGonagall didn't so much as breathe. A fly hung mid flight and the portraits of the former Headmasters stilled, looking much like ordinary muggle paintings now.

All sound ceased. Such quiet Lily had never experienced.

"Of course," she whispered. "It's a Pensieve. It's controlled with the mind." Everything overwhelmed her then, and she leaned over the desk, staring into Severus' eyes. "I don't understand! Not any of this!" She stopped only long enough to wipe tears from her face again. "What can I do to understand?"

Lily took Severus' face in her hands, but this time, he was tangible. The second her fingers touched his hollowed cheeks she dug into the memory with every ounce of will she possessed. The world swirled, dissolved into shades of black and streaks of white.

They fell into darkness, but Lily clawed through. "I must know! I must see!" She pulled herself farther down until the air in her lungs dwindled and all light fled. She was drowning and blind.

Pain stabbed her chest as a tide of emotion stronger than any tidal wave crashed through her being like a train through an old shack. Anger, sorrow, passion collided with her mind and soul.

The next moment, she opened her eyes… Or were they his? A curtain of black hair framed her vision as she tapped long fingers on the desk.

 _I've broken the viewing barriers._ Those very barriers shielded the watcher from the emotions and experiences only the memory barer could access. But in that moment Lily experienced them in the truest way possible—from the view of the memory's holder.

Unfamiliar thoughts jumbled, hurt. The pain was worse. It never stopped, only intensified. Before, it was unbearable, but now it overwhelmed her. Wave on wave of impressions, feelings, thoughts, memories, images, sensations tore at her awareness like ravening wolves.

Lily screamed until the world blackened.

Concerned hands pulled her out so fast the air whooshed from her lungs, and she staggered, fell to her knees gasping, but back in the real world.

"Lily!?" James shook her by the shoulders. "Say something!"

"I… I…" Tears trailed her cheeks. "How can anyone feel so many things—have so many thoughts in his head at once…?"

James helped her up. "What happened?"

"I know I shouldn't have… but I had to. I felt his pain—thought his thoughts. Not for long. But such pain, James—such a torrent of emotion. I couldn't bear it!"

"Shh… You had to. Wasn't that what you said?"

Lily let go of James, went back to the Pensieve and collected Severus' memories with her wand to replace them in their vial. Her vision blurred again with fresh tears. She smashed the filled vial on the floor, and the silvery contents disappeared into the carpet. "Should've done that from the start."

"Done is done," said James. "Let's get back." He offered his hand and an assuring smile.

One glance at James and Harry's face flashed in Lily's mind. Such a wonderful boy, so pure and passionate. She loved him. And he looked so much like James. Then another raven-haired boy came to mind, this one with pitch black eyes filled with anger, hate, love and so much else. Pure, he was not—not like Harry at all—but tortured.

The two stood side-by-side in her mind's eye, each at the head of one path at a crossroads. Left? Or Right? Harry? Or Sev?

She loved them both, more than she could convey, and as she considered them, her heart ached as if someone had just pulled it in two. She couldn't have them both.

James' outstretched hand urged her to take it. He was handsome, pleasant, warm, had grown up so much he was someone Lily could lean on in any situation. She trusted James, felt safe with him, and even… liked him. Somehow his cockiness inspired her, lightened her mood, made her smile when things were bad. Even with his awful jokes, Lily knew he'd always be there when it mattered, and the life they could have together seemed such a warm, wonderful picture.

"You're a good friend, and a good man, James Potter. Whoever gets you is lucky," said Lily softly. She walked past him, his hand unaccepted. "But you don't need me," she whispered. "Not like him. He's done so much for me. Now, I want to do something for him."

"Well, I'll consider it an honor I was ever any match for Severus. He's a great man, and he loves you."

Lily smiled. "I know."

"Then allow me, as your friend, to escort the lady back." James offered his arm, and Lily took it.

At the common room, they parted ways, each heading to their own bedrooms.

The moment Lily was alone, she sank onto her bed and clutched her pillow to her face to muffle the sobs. She only stopped long enough to fumble through her nightstand drawer. When she found the silver necklace's box, she opened it, laid it out. The gift was clearly made of magic and sparkled, even in the dim room.

Further back in the nightstand, Lily found an old, brown, homemade paper box. Inside was an ancient necklace made of old string and two feathers from the park. Sev had given it to her for Christmas when he was nine, and from the moment she saw it, she'd treasured it… always… She placed it beside the silver necklace and lay on her side, hugging her pillow and muffling more sobs in it. Sadness and joy—stronger than anything she'd ever felt—mixed in her like a hurricane.

Her head swam, and though everything in her hurt, she could barely keep her eyes open. She shut them for an instant.

_Lily walked through the dark, winter forest. The air was so cold her heavy, black robe couldn't block the icy wind. She pushed through a thick layer of snow in long strides, leaving heavy bootprints. She'd have to cover those, just to be safe. She pushed back her black hair and kicked away some snow, grateful to finally be outside the castle—and not in another Death Eater meeting. But alongside that thankfulness was the urge to curse being out here since it forced her to face things she'd avoided._

_She leaned heavily against a snow-covered tree, hand curled around her ebony wand._

_Footsteps! And close._

_Lily swallowed hard and dared to hope. She peered from her hiding place. At the bottom of the hill stood Harry Potter._

_She held her breath to keep him from discovering her. The boy knowing she was here would be much too dangerous. Boy? What was she thinking? He was no boy now, but a young man._

_Harry ran through the snow._

_Lily had seen him grow up—whether she liked it or not—seen him face unimaginable horrors, grief, happiness. And Potter had come out all right in the end. He remained the image of his mother. Trials hadn't turned Potter cold as they might have others. Potter was still kind, an inspiration. Enviable. Still, she couldn't help but feel a certain amount of pride for him._

_Lingering was inadvisable, so she withdrew the sword she'd carried here. The magnificent blade was clearly goblin-made. It's gold pommel weighed in her hand, and though she knew it could never belong to her—that she'd never be a true Gryffindor—strength surged through her as she held it._

_With a great heave, she threw the sword as far as she could. It sailed down the hill, sliced through the lake ice and sank to the bottom. With one wave of her hand, Lily refroze the lake and with a second gesture cleared her footprints._

_Lily raised her wand, eyes fixed on the boy at the bottom of the hill. "_ _Expecto Patronum_ _!" A charge sizzled through her and from the wand sprang a magnificent silver doe. It pranced around her three times, and Lily reached for and almost touched the creature before she directed it to go meet Harry Potter…_

Lily jolted awake. Though her sleep was light, the dream was vivid. She wiped away tears and frowned. That wasn't my dream… It was Sev's! I dreamed one of his dreams! But how…? Was that a consequence of breaking the memory barrier?

Well, it wasn't a bad dream. The snow and ice wer e beautiful. Harry's face rose. Even as he grew up, Sev… still watched over him, even if from afar.

She'd fallen asleep before changing, and at her belt, the slender willow wand's Phoenix feather core pulsed. _I've got to try it…_ The little raven-haired boy and his older counterpart imprinted in her mind. "Sev…" she whispered. "You were right. I didn't understand. I didn't understand you. But I think… now I do a bit better."

She sat up and raised her wand. " _Expecto Patronum_."

Out shot a silver raven. It flew about the room in elegant sweeps.

Lily gasped in delight as it rounded the room once then alighted on Lily's nightstand. Its sharp eyes made Lily almost swear it smiled at her before it leapt into the air again.

Laughter bubbled up—the kind that came from the heart.

"Wha…?" Bertha, in the next bed over, sat up and yawned.

"Look!" Lily pointed at the bird.

"Wow!" Bertha, suddenly awake, stared at the raven.

"Isn't that a Patronus?" said Emmeline—who'd stirred at Lily's exclamation—though she appeared displeased over being woken.

"It's so pretty…" Mary stirred to look with sleep-filled eyes at the bird and fell back asleep.

Lily beamed at her creation. It was the first time she'd laughed in a very long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to check in next week where we will be continuing the story in book 3. Fractured paths :D


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